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Old 06-02-12, 03:36 PM   #1
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Default Liberation: 6 Months of Heaven and Hell, and all of Their Lessons

Today, as I'm writing, is February 6, 2012. Last year on this very date, I had my first date with my now Ex-Girlfriend, Bri. This is our one year anniversary. This is also the day I broke up with her. That's an extremely shallow and "Kick in the Teeth" thing to do, right? I agree, but I don't care, and I don't feel bad. You don't understand how I feel. Maybe you will after you read this, and maybe you'll learn a lesson.

As with any relationship, we started out great. We were hanging out every weekend, and I smooched her on valentine's day. I got her roses and chocolates. She drew me pictures and I serenaded her with music. We were full of passion and life. We were so close, physically and intimately. We laughed together, and cried together. I held her through the tough times, and carried her on my shoulders through the triumphs. We kissed and cuddled. My greatest memories of her are from these beginnings. The first time I had ever had sex, or felt this way about anyone. I was filled with butterflies and lolipops. Then the summer came... and as we distanced ourselves physically, so did our relationship

We talked every day, in the beginning. From the second one of us left school to the second we went to sleep. Once summer came we texted all day. I traveled for basically the whole summer. I got to see her once, on my birthday. We were still incredibly physical, but I guess with all things that are there that you get used to, you stop desiring them, they stop becoming precious because we get used to them. We started to distance as we were farther away. We weren't right for each other, and I knew it right then at 5 months. But I didn't do anything about it:

I gave it time, figuring that we were having a rough patch. I gave it august, and we had our 6 month anniversary. Things started to unravel, as she was starting to show more and more signs that she didn't really care about me or love me. She became distant from me and emotionless. I stopped looking forward to hanging out with her, it was more of seeing if I could function one more day.

I became desperate for the first 6 months again, I thought that maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, or that she had gotten bored with me or found me unattractive. What was just our own incompatibility manifested in me as my own yearning to force our relationship to work. It wouldn't work, I just hoped it would. I worshiped the ground she walked on, I did everything for her. I sacrificed my school work, my friendships, and my family relationship to please her. She didn't respond to it, and we became distant more so.

She really was in my head big time at this point. I figured that my intelligence could save our relationship, but intellect doesn't play into compatibility and how two people interact. I wish I had known that now. It got to a point that I thought that I loved her so much and that she loved me, that when we broke up for the first time, i thought we could just change a bit and it would be okay. It didn't. After a week we were back to the same, but me being so emotionally weak, i left it be. I thought she was happy, but really she was just indifferent. She was using me.

Starting at Halloween, I knew I had to break up with her. The holiday season seemed so inopportune. Should I leave her hurting for Thanksgiving? Christmas? New Years? Our anniversary? I put it off every day, every single day. Absorbing the day's pain knowing that I could eventually release it when this was done with. I kept being used, and being aware of it. I became depressed and distant from everyone. I became quiet and depressed openly. People definitely noticed a change. I hated myself, and I couldn't take it any longer.

I woke up this morning, waited by the steps for her like always, walked with her. I got close to her, and asked:

"Do you know what today is?"
"Of course, silly. its our Anniversary"

She was so bland with everything she said. She was only like that with me, I hated it, and I hated being with her.

I couldn't take it. I had planned my "break up speech" for so long. I gave it right there on the spot. I told her how miserable she made me, how I went to sleep early not because i was tired, but because I was disgusted by myself to no end, and I was living a lie. I was killing myself for the sake of her happiness, and that I wasn't even sure if she was happy. So i ended it today and my friends are here for me now. It is beautiful, and I will be healthy again in no time, i know it.

_____

So why do you care? Well, just please learn from my pain. All of us here on Teen Forumz are teenagers, and we don't have to try and fix our relationships to no end. Don't make yourself as miserable as I was to try and achieve that glimmer of happiness you had so long ago. We can all do so much better than living in pain.

If someone isn't right for you, don't force it. There are other fish in the sea

If you are suffering and unhappy in your relationship. DONT WAIT. END IT

Don't change yourself for a girl/boy.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn't be someone you have that pushes you away from others. It shouldn't be someone that you don't want in front of your family.

When you need help, ask for it. You aren't weak for needing help, perfection doesn't exist. Nobody is smart enough to solve all their problems.

People don't change overnight, even if they say they will. A person's habits remain the same. That doesn't make them a bad person, it just makes them not right for you.

Don't become an abusive asshole so you can get a girl or boy to break up with you. If you don't wanna be with them, break up yourself.
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Old 06-02-12, 03:43 PM   #2
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Default Re: Liberation: 6 Months of Heaven and Hell, and all of Their Lessons

I agree wholeheartedly, Zach. I'm sorry it came to this. I'm glad you learned this for yourself- me or Mikey telling you doesn't have the same effect. Today, not the day you had sex, got a girlfriend, got your permit, or anything else, is the day I truly recognize you as a real man.

Jared
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Old 06-02-12, 04:34 PM   #3
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Default Re: Liberation: 6 Months of Heaven and Hell, and all of Their Lessons

tuvistes que hacer lo necesario ya que perdistes interes

I think you'll get what I said.








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Old 06-02-12, 05:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: Liberation: 6 Months of Heaven and Hell, and all of Their Lessons

that i do <3 thank you.










"Is not the human body a mere shell, a form of existence all too small and weak for consciousness with such vast reach and potential?"
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