Dealing with the loss of a significant other due to a relationship coming to an end can be a difficult thing. You can suddenly feel a sense of loneliness, it feels like you'll never be you again and find someone who can make you just as happy as you were with your ex. As hard is it seems, you can move on from it and here are some tips for you to help that healing process.
- It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time.
Have a break
- Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
Don't go through it alone
- Share your feelings with your family and friends so they can support you and you won't feel as lonely.
Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression
- Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.
Remind yourself that you still have a future
– When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Music, pictures etc.
- Don't listen to sad songs, especially love songs, they can make you feel worse. Try to avoid looking through old photo's of you two together because that will also make you miss it more and you'll prolong the grieving process. You can look at the photo's again in the future if you want too but only when you feel you've moved on.
- Avoid contacting your ex or ignore any contact from your ex. Talking to them may make you want to rekindle the relationship again which isn't a good idea if it didn't work in the first place. It will make you miss them more, especially if they remind you of the good times.
Make time each day to nurture yourself
- Help yourself heal by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go for a walk, listen to lively music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favorite book, take a yoga class, or savor a warm cup of tea.
Pay attention to what you need
- in any given moment and speak up to express your needs. Honor what you believe to be right and best for you even though it may be different from what your ex or others want. Say "no" without guilt or angst as a way of honoring what is right for you.
Stick to a routine
- A breakup can disrupt almost every area of your life, amplifying feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Getting back to a regular routine can provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy.
Take a time out
- Try not to make any major decisions in the first few months after a separation, like starting a new job or moving to a new city. If you can, wait until you’re feeling less emotional so that you can make better decisions.
Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope
- When you’re in the middle of a breakup, you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. But using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.
Explore new interests
- A breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.
- Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup of a love relationship involves multiple losses:
- Loss of companionship and shared experiences (which may or may not have been consistently pleasurable)
- Loss of support, intellectual, social, or emotional.
- Loss of hopes, plans, and dreams (can be even more painful than practical losses)
Allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.
Remember, nearly everyone will go through a break-up or has been through a break-up. There's probably thousands of people around the world, grieving a break-up at the same time you are. Getting into relationships is a trial and error thing. You either find someone who's right for you or you don't. If the relationship isn't working for you then you have the right to leave it.
You learn from each relationship so reflect on your past relationships and see what you learnt. Be realistic, don't think 'I know not to trust anyone ever again.'. You will be able to trust someone again, don't tar everyone with the same brush because one
person betrayed you. Think positively and remember, you will be you again and you will be happy again!