Well, it seems I haven't blogged in ages. I used to keep an updated blog, before the other website I'm a member of did away with them. Slightly disappointed I lost all entries. I rewrote most of them by hand in a journal though. For meaningful things, I always have two copies.

I think, I'm understanding why I'm here. On this site in general. A lot of problems I've had with life, stem from issues over the internet. For one, a man that was planning on having sex with me, whether I wanted to or not. But that's a story for another time. I met him online. I met someone else online, who also created a horrific situation for me in real life. I also have fallen into a friendship with someone online who is pretty nosey and keeps tabs on my forum posts too much. I have a life online, as most teenagers do. One that I can't really get rid of without hurting the people I've grown attached to, as unhealthy as the relationships are. So I can't do it over there, the place I've learned to call "Home." My escape from the realities of the real world. The people, they accepted me. The real me that I could finally get out. People wanted to hear about my problems and try and fix them. Someone dedicated their time for me. For one of the first times in my life. And I could help people too. Finally, I had a reason for my suffering. I could use what I know, and help others. It gave me purpose. The lives I've saved...the suicides I've stopped, the drug addicts I've helped to recovery. It made it all worth it. I was recognized for my works. I was selected by the member running the Support Leader program to join the team. I was welcomed with open arms, and eventually I rose to become one of the managers, and I'm now one of the only two people in charge of the team. I was pretty content. But that didn't hide who had come to know me there. The possible rapist, the friend who asked too many questions about everything. It's too much.

So, I heard of this site. The place all of our old member traffic was going to. I checked it out, but had to remain loyal to my home. Time went on. My closest friends left the site to deal with their own lives, and soon I was just there for my position helping others (which I do love.) But it wasn't for me anymore. All the good people were gone, and I had no more real purpose. No more escape. So, months later here I am. I need a new home. A new start where none of the bullshitters know me. Where none of my real life friends know I'm here, where I can be me again. And from what I've seen, this has the potential of being just that. So far, it seems like a paradise for an online life.

Well, that's all I got. I've just been thinking about all that as I've been browsing through the site today. Tis just my thanks to Teen Forumz.