Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Since I'm going to keep posting my stuff and asking for feedback and I'd rather not annoy you all and start a new thread each time.


So here is a poem titled "Hong Kong Moonfall" which describes one of the worst nights of my life, which takes place in Hong Kong.


Wan Chai's streets shine brilliantly
As my feet stumble around the sidewalk
My arms are flailing about me
I am the audience to which I talk

Stupid nothings I can't understand
I'm missing a beer can in my hand

Oh, girl I lust for
If only you could be in the bar with me
I know I'd make a false move or four
Then you could reject me properly

Your accent and shyness were so cute
My lust goes out
My inhibitions go mute

I hear angry words in broken English
To the drunk man who sways early in the night
They were all too smart to start a fight
Though they all could take me

I was broken
I was closed
I had never loved a person
But I loved you

I miss the moon bouncing off Clearwater Bay
The length of the nights
The shortness of day

You were my cocoon metropolis
I long to run my fingers along your skyline

I watch the moon fall
Come morning the taxi will arrive
As the sun rises I will die
But as the wheels turn I will not forget you

Hong Kong

Solemn Lover

Do you have time?
You always hurry
Please hold me
You make me worry...

You are a ghost in motion
I can't feel your touch
Devoid of emotion
It pains me so much...

I know where you're going
I will not let you leave
My tears are flowing
This I cannot believe

How can you stand so still...?
While I am crying
You said you'd never kill...
Yet now I am dying...

Where is the gun?
Where is the knife?
Which is the one
That will take your life?

Don't raise the gun
Kill me instead
I will love you like no one
Even when I am dead...

So don't...


Uroborus

Come to me eternity
Show me a way out

Let me touch dimension keys
Let me fly between the fabrics
Let me pull and sew the threads
Let me create an opening to gaze

Color the fields of feeding
To fill in the lines of life
Break the folds of the universe
Starve time of its curse

Unmasked, I will see into the heavens
Blind, I will have seen it all
Tongue-tied, I know the answers
Enamored, I collect the stars

Listen, unresponsive space
For the answers are at bay

Beautiful at best. The ink from a love you hold inside of you. Has seeped
through these pages, it now stains my heart through this wretched day.

Thank you for your input.
I thought that was one of my better ones.

YOUR WELCOME. JUST WANDERING DID YOU HAPPEN TO READ, "HIS LAST BREATH"
IT WAS A POEM I WROTE DEDICATED TO A COUPLE OF PEOPLE THAT USE TO BE IN MY LIFE
THEY BOTH DIED FROM STDs. AGAIN I GIVE YOU 5 stars FOR CREATIVITY.