If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above.
You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed.
To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
It doesn't satisfy my thirst for love.
And hate doesn't satisfy my hunger for vengeance.
I hate them, the emotions, I told her
I want to hate everyone yet, I try to protect them
Bias and ignorant, I am
You got that right
But not caring? Thats all wrong...
I try to feed this thing I call a heart
But that big gaping hole in it
Every goddamn thing falls out of it!
I try to scoop my messes up...but they just melt away in my hands...
So I shut my self down so I don't ever have to feel that pain ever again
And trust me....its slowly killing me....
eh...still not a good one...sorry Teen Forumz ....
I like it. Better than anything I've done. Watch your endstops and enjambments. You might want to check those out and make sure that's what you want there. Sounds a bit off to me when read with the current punctuation. I like the use of iambs around the pyrrhic in the with the word satisfy. It creates a almost empty sound in the middle of iambic pent.
To be honest, I'd like to see you attempt a closed form poem. You have the ideas and if you can get a structure and feet to match it, it'll turn out so much more powerful. Not that there's anything wrong with open form.