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Creativity, Arts, Design, and Poetry Creative teenager? Share your art, poetry, and writing in this forum.

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  • 1 Post By Poontang

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Old 06-11-11, 08:46 PM   #1
 
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Default something i wrote on a crush

Wrote this for myself. Its about a girl i have a major crush on at school, and i just wrote up something quickly about what it was like to just watch her for a while from a distance with her friends while i ate.

My eyes drew to her from afar and i watched as she fermented laughter among the group, brewing a kind of contagious joy that i had nearly forgotten. To witness the smile of this girl felt like the pauper who gained a fair inheritance. Being poor for decades, the taste of wealth never before sampled, overcame him. Her smile was like the traveler who noticed a beggar at the crossroad. Wealthy merchants would often pass this route and would toss the beggar what commodities they could spare to lend. But the traveler was poor and had but one fruit in his pocket. He offered his fruit to the beggar, then seeing his disposition to the climate, gave him his overcoat as well. With ease, the merchants gave the least from their excess, but the travelor gave the most from his poverty. This was the sincerity of her smile. The sweetness of her voice was like an apple that had fallen from the lowest branch of the tallest tree. Its ripeness was marvellous, and was nothing like the ones that had stuck selfishly to the trees' high extensions. One would say these thoughts were mere exaggerations, but one must see her as through the eye of a needle. Look without effort, without focus, without proximity and the hole will be no larger nor more spectacular than a speck of dust. But bring the needle closer and cover one eye to see all through the hole that was once too small.

Last edited by Verdo; 06-11-11 at 09:01 PM..
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Old 06-11-11, 09:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: something i wrote on a crush

Not bad But I'm not sure fermented is the right word to use in the first sentence. It's generally used as a stirring up of trouble or disorder.
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Old 07-11-11, 12:04 AM   #3
 
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Default Re: something i wrote on a crush

Yes youre right. The thought did cross my mind while i wrote it
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Old 07-11-11, 12:28 AM   #4
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Default Re: something i wrote on a crush

You wrote this on her? How did you manage that? Chloroform?
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Old 07-11-11, 02:12 AM   #5
[06.26.2010]<3
 
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Default Re: something i wrote on a crush

Oh Jamal<3








12.07.2007<3 The day he stole my heart.

06.26.2010<3 The day I stole his last name.

08.22.2013<3 The day we welcomed our daughter into the world.
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Old 07-11-11, 08:42 AM   #6
 
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Default Re: something i wrote on a crush

Looks good, better than anything I could do anyway.




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