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Creativity, Arts, Design, and Poetry Creative teenager? Share your art, poetry, and writing in this forum.

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Old 22-11-11, 12:28 PM   #1
独特
 
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Icon1 Deranged Insomnia

Another text with no clear sense whatsoever... I don't think it's good, at least, not as good as my last one. I don't like it, but still, give me your opinions.

Deranged Insomnia

"Under this valley of sheets I rest restless.
I'm sleepy, tired, drained, but my mind is uneasy, ungratified, mired in thoughts.
Images and sounds, of the past and the future, all pass through my head, jumping around. Conflicting.
My body is crunching, my bones feel cracked, my muscles are tense and sorrow.
But my mind is busy, it doesn't want to rest. I don't want to sleep.
My fever burns, my nerves weather in intense, frosty chilling heat.
The faint light of my laptop blinds me, deafens me.
The flashes of the white light...
I don't just see them, I feel them, inside me.
It blinds me, it blinds my thoughts, so blurry and bright.
My head hurts. Fucking hell it hurts.
The light...

Close the laptop, break it, keep the hell away.
Alone.

Laying on my bed, under these soft sheets. Breathless.
My breathing is heavy, fast, hard. I can't breathe.
These sheets are so soft. These sheets are so massive.
They weight so much. They weight like my soul.
I can't take them off, my arms are too heavy, I'm out of breath.
Struggling. Staring at the ceiling on top which encloses me in this dark, melancholic pit.
My muscles are dry, tense, swelling, near exploding. Getting larger. Heavier.
Bulking against my skin from the inside, I'm getting full. Overload.
Muscles and soul, body and mind alike.
I can't take it. I'm suffocating, all is black and white with the flashes of insanity floating in the air.
I'm not insane yet, but I want to be.
I want to release, but it won't.
Swelling...

I want to stretch my arms to the side, all the way, spread them out.
Just feel the agony flowing, feeding on my energy.
The bed shaking. The sheets floating, agitated.
The pain just fluxing through my veins, heavily, rushing swiftly.
My blood coagulating, my veins swelling, I can see the wrinkles on them, weathering. Weakened.
My muscles around, more tense, stretching, too much, ripping.
Opening myself whole, inside out. My stomach tearing itself apart, my guts being shot out.
Catapulted against the wall.
My intestines hanging on the side of the bed, dripping.
Dripping my blood and flesh alike.
The release, to feel it, so good. The relief.
Licking my cheek in pleasure, so wet and so red.
Breathing, I'm on the surface, out of the water. Breathing in.
And I pass my hands, so soft and light, feeling my body, my skin, my insides outside.
I am free."

- Singularis
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Old 22-11-11, 12:31 PM   #2
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

This is good.
Better than the last one.
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Old 22-11-11, 12:33 PM   #3
flawless imperfection
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

Hmm I like the other one more but doesn't mean this one isn't as interesting. Morbiddddd but I loved the final sense of touch omg, made such an epic little movie in my own head. :p
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Old 22-11-11, 12:33 PM   #4
There's No Compromise...!
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

keep working on it bro!

good one!
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Old 22-11-11, 12:34 PM   #5
Street Spirit (Fade Out)
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

Great work. =)
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The Thirst Came on, and It Came on in Waves.

upon our heads he places crowns
sewn with hiss and higher tones

the boy presses whispers into her
and they bathe in valley's pale rain
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Old 22-11-11, 12:57 PM   #6
R.I.P Shiloh. ♥
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

Keep doing ones like this!!! I love them.
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R.I.P Shiloh Moore, I love you and miss you.<3
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Old 22-11-11, 12:57 PM   #7
独特
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

Thanks for the feedback guys.








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Old 22-11-11, 02:04 PM   #8
An Undercover Panda
 
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Default Re: Deranged Insomnia

Really liked it :')
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