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Creativity, Arts, Design, and Poetry Creative teenager? Share your art, poetry, and writing in this forum.

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  • 2 Post By LyricsMode
  • 1 Post By Em-

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Old 21-02-12, 02:59 PM   #1
 
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Default Love Me Anyway?

Based off Darius Rucker's - Dont Think I don't think about it.

[Intro]
Baby; I try to...... apologizee...
I wipe a tear.... and some doubt off your eyes..
I love you like the world..
You know that you're my girl..

[Chorus 1]
But don't think this doesn't sink my soul;
Don't think I'm in control; of the feelings in my head;
The painfulness, the sadness and regret;
Don't think I don't know i'm wrong..
But baby.....Could you love me anyway?

[Part 1]
I think to myself as I sip a drink..
I dip into loneliness; My heart seems to sink..
I deem my hurt; as yourrrr fault..
But baby I know inside, it's sure not..
So don't think I don't realize; I've lost my mind..
I've came back before, but this'll be the last time..


[Chorus 2]
But don't think this doesn't sink my soul;
Don't think I'm in control; of the feelings in my head;
The painfulness, the sadness and regret;
Don't think I don't know i'm wrong..
But baby.....Could you love me anyway?

[Outro]
Could you do me one last favor today?
And love me anyway?
This sinks my soul,
I'm in control
of the feeling's in my head,
The pain and regret!
And oh boy; I know I'm wrong..
But baby; listen to this song..
and Love me anyway?
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Old 21-02-12, 03:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: Love Me Anyway?

Why are you so good at this? Its not even fair. :(
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I used to think I set a fire in your eyes but I've learned that was just the reflection of the one you set in mine.
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Old 21-02-12, 03:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Love Me Anyway?

I'll try again.

Your rhyming is poor and feels forced.

The lack of structure makes it difficult to read, as one is not sure which syllables to stress or which words/sounds to accentuate.

The subject matter is very foreign to reality, and so it's pretty difficult to connect to a situation such as this. The maturity of the writing is quite low, which is reflected in your vocabulary choice and structure.

I suggest you read more published/famed poets to develop, if you're really willing to dedicate some effort to it.
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Old 21-02-12, 04:03 PM   #4
 
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Default Re: Love Me Anyway?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nabokov View Post
I'll try again.

Your rhyming is poor and feels forced.

The lack of structure makes it difficult to read, as one is not sure which syllables to stress or which words/sounds to accentuate.

The subject matter is very foreign to reality, and so it's pretty difficult to connect to a situation such as this. The maturity of the writing is quite low, which is reflected in your vocabulary choice and structure.

I suggest you read more published/famed poets to develop, if you're really willing to dedicate some effort to it.
It's based off the song "Don't think I don't think about it" By Darius Rucker. If you give it a listen (Which, I'll admit I forgot to post a link and stress this in the OP) you'll hear how he stresses things. It's based off it; just a twist; so same kinda way.




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Old 21-02-12, 06:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: Love Me Anyway?

thanks for sharing

last paragraph was my favourite
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