21-02-12, 03:03 PM
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#4
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My Mood:
Name: Jack
Gender: Male
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 748
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Re: Love Me Anyway?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nabokov
I'll try again.
Your rhyming is poor and feels forced.
The lack of structure makes it difficult to read, as one is not sure which syllables to stress or which words/sounds to accentuate.
The subject matter is very foreign to reality, and so it's pretty difficult to connect to a situation such as this. The maturity of the writing is quite low, which is reflected in your vocabulary choice and structure.
I suggest you read more published/famed poets to develop, if you're really willing to dedicate some effort to it.
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It's based off the song "Don't think I don't think about it" By Darius Rucker. If you give it a listen (Which, I'll admit I forgot to post a link and stress this in the OP) you'll hear how he stresses things. It's based off it; just a twist; so same kinda way.
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