Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I thought I would start this debate off as I know a lot of people like expressing their thoughts and opinions on this subject.

So, are parents to blame for the way their children behave? For example, would a parent be to blame if they spoilt their child with sweets when they demanded them and then their child grows up being a brat and yelling at them when they want something, should they take blame for that or are we responsible for our own actions and responsible for our own self control regardless of our upbringing and parenting?

What do you think about this?

I think in a way it's a 50/50 thing, parents shouldn't allow children to be spoilt in such
a way and they need to learn dicipline e.g. if the child is screeching and yelling don't
give in to the child, tell the child to be quiet and that if they continue to behave in that
way then they will have a privilage/item taken off of them for a certain piriod of time, on
the flip side however the child should learn as they get older that yelling and shouting
isn't the correct answer.

A combination of both.
It is the parents fault, however if someone other than the parent steps in and takes action - the child usually ends up never disrespecting that person after that, yet they still continue to disrespect their parents.

So the children just know their parents are push-overs and that's why they act that way - even though they know not to act that way with others.

Basically, they can still learn not to act disrespectful but being as selfish as people naturally are, the kids don't really care so long as they can still control their parents.

Parenting has things to do with how you turn out, not 100% of the time, but a lot of the time.
If you have parents like mine, being spoiled and overly-stubborn isn't much of an option - at least when dealing with authority.
However, don't think me and my sister didn't try - but that's because we're greedy, spoiled, stubborn, and clever. But not in the way you might think, if a kid is clever enough they can find a way to get just about anything they want, some call it "working hard to take the easy road rather than just taking the hard road".
As a child, I got half of what I wanted because that was the only way I would shut up. I was so bad, in order to get me to stop crying and sleep while my mother was putting me to bed, she had to duck down and hide until I put my head back down and then crawl out of the room - because if I saw her leave, I'd start crying.

I was just a naturally devious brat - but my parents were and still are smarter than I am, they eventually figured out ways that would work without spoiling me (esp. my dad, it was his brilliant idea that eventually lead to find out that I found the Beatles soothing music, specifically "When I'm 64").

My point is, I was a brat, but my parents - being the good parents that they are - smacked it out of me.

Children are naturally selfish, they can't take care of themselves. If you run to a child every time they cry, they eventually figure out then they just have to cry when they wanna see you - even if they are not hungry, tired, soiled, or have done or need anything else that babies need to do. And eventually you learn to identify which cries are which, at least so I hear.

It's the same basic principle, a kid wants attention, and they'll do anything to get it.
In some ways, a kid who never gets in trouble is looking to get in trouble through surrogacy because they want boundaries, they want rules, they wanna know someone cares about them enough to yell at them - even if they don't realize it themselves.
I know because my parents yell at me that they care about me. I know some people... oh dear God, I pity their kids. Their boy was always bad news, and yet he seems to listen to me, my sister, and my mother okay - but not his parents. Same with the girl.

The girl though, she's not that old and she was painting her fingers then decided to paint the floor as well... and then they didn't take the nail-polish away from her.
First of all, what idiots leave that young of a child alone with nail-polish, some kids drink it!
Point is, they didn't take it away from her even though she knew what she did was wrong.

I discipline my own cousins better than they discipline their own children, that's a whole new level of sad.

So, one day, when the boy gets into a fight and gets an ass-kicking, is when he will learn he can't boss people around. Though, oddly enough, he's a little angel in class.
You know what they call him? An "Indigo child", meaning he doesn't believe there is any difference between himself and adults - meaning he thinks he should be treated the same as adults - which makes him a brat.
And yes, I blame his parents, but he knows better - I know he knows better - he's demonstrated it before.

So, it's both.

I believe that in order for a child to develop into a mature, kind, caring, and well-rounded individual there has to be a role model or dream for the child to follow, and there has to be a natural sense of responsibility inside the child himself. I was raised with a mentally unstable mother and moved place to place. My father was absent and my siblings are no scattered around the globe. All my life I've been tossed around like a piece of material and I've never been around a good role model. My mother was verbally abusive and didn't much care for discipline. I have done quite a few stupid things in my time, and I may do more stupid things in the future, but because of good influences, my dream, and a sense of responsibility and maturity within myself, I keep my actions under control. Parents are responsible for teaching their children good ethic and keeping them under control. Some children are born completely under control and get themselves mixed up in some stupid things, and that's when it gets extremely difficult for parents to do anything. However, I believe that if parents are strict and show their children what they expect of them at a very young age, they grow to respect that and follow the rules placed in front of them by their parents.

However, not all ill-behaved children act poorly in front of their parents. Most troublemakers actually show deep respect in front of their parents, but when their parents aren't present (e.g. around friends) their behavior may change dramatically. This is what I've personally experienced. I know too many people who make their parents think they're amazingly well behaved children, but when their parents aren't watching or aren't aware of the situation they act like bloody monsters. In this case, the parents can't be blamed. How can one possibly fix a problem they're not aware of? If, however, the parents became aware of the situation and either refused to do anything or didn't believe it, then it's all on them. When you know that your child is out of control, even if not around you, you must act and correct the problem.

I don't much like used spoiled as a way to judge parenting. Some people just expect more than others. Some parents just want their children to be happy and to have everything they want. If parents cave in to screaming by their children and they form a habit of screaming to get what they want, obviously the parents are at fault for not imposing restrictions and being more firm. Though, again, some people just expect more or get more, and the parents can't necessarily be blamed for that. Some people simply act differently. We're all born different, after all.

I think that parents are to blame for most of it.

It depends on the way they are treated, if they are disciplined they are more likely to behave and vise versa.
However some children do just have a nasty temper which can only be controlled by parents, it's not something parents can do to stop.
This is like the WORST example ever but... I have one sweet natured horse who's been handled badly which means she behaves REALLY bad even though she is caring, and my other horse has major like temprement issues but behaves because of the way she has been brought up. I know thats a really bad example but my horses are like my life so thats just what i believe in

I really think it is a combination of the parents disciplining, and the child's behaviour. My mum never disciplined me as a baby, I was never put on a naughty bench or anything, but that is because I was never getting in trouble. I was kind as a little girl, but then if you took someone elses child, they wouldn't be exactly the same as me.
Some parents spoil their child, and the child does become a brat...but some parents who discipline their children, and are strict towards them, may make their child rebel as they get older. So it really is a combination of both, some children are harder work than others, but parents do definately have a part in it

Yes. Nurture>Nature. If you're a dick, your kid will be a dick. If you're spoiled, your kid will be spoiled.

Yes. No matter how you twist and turn it, what we are is a result of our parent's decisions. Even if someone is born with a certain "built-in" character, the outcome is the result of how the parents handled it.

On the other hand, you can't jail 90% of the adult population.

My mother is a terrible person. She's a drunk who abuses pills. She believes the holocaust was a lie and that Hitler was a great man. The only time she doesn't scream obscenities is when she's knocked out from the booze. She has taught me nothing but hate and my environment has been outright terrible. According to your logic I should be a pistol packing neo-Nazi who goes around beating people with a slightly darker tan. But I'm not a neo-Nazi. I'm not even a mean person. My vocabulary for the most part is clean. I respect people and authority. My mom handled my character terribly and did everything in her power to make me grow up to be a bad person, but somehow I'm not. I'm not the only one with a similar story; most people don't take from their parents.

In a similar example, I know people whose parents are kind, caring and loving people, but act like degenerates. Following your logic they should be kind, caring and loving people, not degenerates.

Yep, mostly parents are to blame, cause everything a kid does is influenced by the way their treated and how their brought up...