Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I'm 18 years old and I've been depressed for around 5 years now, nearing 6 but only diagnosed for a year so far. The cause of my depression is quite common (bullying in secondary school amongst other things) so I know the cause is partially that. From this I've developed social anxiety and pushed away everybody who really mattered to me. This social anxiety also makes everyday things near impossible for me. Making conversation with somebody is impossible, words don't come out and 95% of the time I find it impossible to approach somebody. The big problem this is giving me is that.. I can't do most jobs because of it. The majority of jobs available right now are in retail which involves talking to customers a lot, I can't do it.

Now, on top of this. My home life is a little rough (to me, not to others). My parents are constantly pushing for me to get a job and although I do try, I apply to job vacancies, have interviews and fail. This makes me a lot worse and it's really tearing me a part. I had a temporary job before christmas as a warehouse operative but the only reason I got the job was because there was no interview. They just pulled people in to get the work done. The thing that annoys me about this is that people have been telling me that routine in my life will start to help 'cure' depression or at least lighten it up a bit but if I'm honest, it made me a lot worse. I will admit it, I have self harmed A LOT in the past and I've started again quite recently (I know it's not the answer but it's a distraction).

So far I've tried anti-depressants but they didn't work and before switching to new one to see if they worked, I decided that I didn't want 'drugs' controlling how I felt or who I was so I took myself off them. I'm not sure if that was the best thing to do so hopefully somebody can give me some advice on that. I've tried talking to people and honestly, that does help me but at the end of the day the negative thoughts always takeover. I've been speaking to one girl for a while who feels the same a lot of the time and we help eachother through it (ofcourse, this is online, I can't socialise face to face). Whenever we feel down we'll just sit on Skype for hours and come out happy. Anyway, I've considered counseling but I have heard it's useles.. more on this please.

I'm guessing that the majority of these responses will tell me to speak to my parents, I've spoken to my mum but not my step dad (he honestly wouldn't understand). The first time speaking to my mum is when I first went on anti-depressants, she said she wouldn't speak to me for as long as I was on the anti-depressants and she didn't... she completely blanked me for the 28 day course of the medication. The second time I explained everything including my suicidal thoughts and that the only reason I hadn't done it was her (she's my mum, even if she kicks me out I'll love her). She completely blanked this as well and last night decided to give me a speech which made me feel terrible. A few quotes that really 'hurt' were "you're going nowhere in life" and "I can't cope with you, you're making me go fucking mental, it'll be me committing suicide at this rate not you" so obviously shes acknowledged that something is wrong with me but.. why would she say something like that? It really doesn't help me.

My ideal solution is to move out, a flat maybe. With the girl who can cheer me up no matter how bad I'm feeling. I'd still keep in touch with parents and I'd stay local but I just think I need a big change in my life but that's the only thing I can think of. Is there anyway to make this possible? Obviously I'd have to find a part-time job but I think if I knew that this whole moving out thing was possible, I'd do any job to pay the rent. When it comes down to qualifications for jobs I think I can do quite a lot. I have 12 GCSEs and 3 A-levels, skipped Uni because of the bad economy (bad choice, anybody in college reading this, GO TO UNI).

My depression leaves me feeling really really bad at times, a lot of suicidal thoughts, a lot of crying, breaking down constantly, feeling useless, really screwed up sleeping patterns (sometimes 1-2 hours, sometimes 14 hours), screwed up eating patterns (from eating nothing for 4 days, to binge eating for a week). When I'm out in public I feel really paranoid and start to feel really hot, this happens mostly around crowded areas. College for example, I had 60% attendance over the course of 2 years because I couldn't face it most days. The open social area as you walk in would sometimes just scare me so much that I'd stay home pretending to be ill. A friend in college also noticed me acting 'strange' when I was around people I didn't know which made me a little worse.

Apologies for this messed up structure, I wasn't really sure where to talk about certain things but.. you have the majority of it. The questions are a little mixed up as well but you should be able to find them.. help?

Sounds like you're in a pretty bad situation for the most part. I know how you feel though. I've been in similar situations in the past as well. I think the most important thing in this situation is to not give up. Once you do that, nothing will change and not much will get better. It seems like you have been doing quite a few things in order to change your situation and that's a good thing. You just haven't found something that works for you yet. Sometimes it does take a while to find something like that.

I would suggest that you do try therapy. Go into it with an open mind and the idea that it can help you. You might be able to kill two birds with the same stone with it. CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) can be very successful in dealing with both depression and large amounts of social anxiety therapy. It doesn't work in all cases but it does help some people out tremendously. And there is no real way to know until you try it out. So I would definitely suggest that you try it. It helped me out. That would be the first thing you should think about doing.

I would also suggest that you stop self harming. It might help now, but all it's doing is keeping you in depression for longer periods of time in the long run. I know people say this all the time and you might not stop but you'll find it hard to stop depression if you do self harm. It confirms your beliefs and that's not what you want to do.

As for the job part of it, you should probably not apply to jobs that require personal interaction until you can get over your social anxiety. Avoid retail and jobs like that. It might take more work to find a job but it would give you more of a chance to get the job. When you get to the interview, you could consider telling the person about your social anxiety. Since it's not related to the job, they might be more willing to hire you.

I wouldn't talk to your parents about it anymore if that's what they tell you. They probably just don't know how to deal with it and they end up doing more harm than good. Like I said, try therapy first. If that doesn't work, there are other options but I would try all the traditional methods first. You never know what will work.

Thanks, I just feel like things are getting worse as time goes on and I feel like if I don't do anything soon I will just give up. As for the self harm, I don't know why I've started again but it feels pathetic.

I'll look into therapy at some point soon but for now, I'm planning to go back to the doctors to try anti-depressants again. The job thing is really annoying because I'm sure people take time off work when they're depressed so.. finding a job whilst I'm depressed doesn't make much sense to me and as I said before, my temporary job made me feel much worse and didn't really change anything.

edit: probably a bit off topic but.. might be related, I don't know which is why I'm asking. A while ago (during college, 1-2 years ago) I started to notice a twitch under my left eye. Sometimes it'd be there, sometimes it wouldn't. Quite recently, that twitch has come back and it's there a lot more than it used to be, any ideas? can it be related?

Hey. welcome to the site. Sorry to hear bout your situation. Try to tell parents you are doing your best and you need their support in order for you to be successful. My dad helped me get my first job. It was my job to do good at it and keep the job. Maybe family can hlep you get your foot in the door to get a job. Moving out sounds scary. What if you dont make enough money to keep the flat? And explain to your mom that anti-depressants are proven to work on MILLIONS of people. If she doesnt believe you have a doctor talk to her.

I've tried telling them, I've shown them so many job applications and they've seen me attend many interviews (that always leave me feeling terrible) but it's not enough for them. I've considered talking to my cousin actually, she's 23 now and suffered from depression when she was my age, maybe she can help. Moving out, in my mind sounds like a great idea although it COULD make things worse. I'd definitely make sure I could keep up the payments before doing it, it's something I've thought about for a long time. My mum has seen her sister get 'addicted' to antidepressants and apparently it ruined her life which is why she's so against it. I guess I understand that part but I don't understand why she isn't supportive, she just puts me down like she did last night.

It's so rare to get addicted to anti depressants. so rare. lame excuse by your mom imo. Idk. Seeing you fill out applications and them being sarcastic sucks. But maybe ask them for help. Most people wont turn down a family member who asks for help.

So I'm on a mood drop right now and nothing has really changed. The atmosphere is fucking horrible and it's really annoying. I've read a few replies to my applications and they're all "no". Makes me feel good .

Pretty fucking bored of this now if I'm honest, waking up, doing nothing, going to sleep, waking up, doing nothing, going to sleep etc. When I was at school/college I thought it'd be pretty cool to have all this time off but no, it's shit. Kill me -.-