04-04-11, 10:27 PM
Christi crux est mea lux
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minnesota, USA
Alright, so I'm not entirely sure if this is the appropriate forum. As I'm not suicidal or depressed. However, it has to do about both, and this thread deals with both... so I figured I'd put it here?
Anyways, some of you know and other's don't.... A few months ago someone I knew and who was rather close to my family committed suicide.
Ever since then I've gone through periods of not being able to sleep, of not being able to concentrate on school-work, not able to find the point in life, and not able to get death off of my mind.
So, that was where I was at about a month - month and a half ago. In the thick of it all, I decided (along with some advice from friends) that I needed to see the counselor that my school has. After spending about an hour and a half session with the counselor, things got a little bit worse and then started to gradually get better.
It finally got to the point where I could go about life and have it completely removed from my mind and find the joy in life again.
Until recently. I don't know what it is, the only difference now is that I'm under a lot of stress that I normally am not under. But, the other day I was reading my news-feed on Facebook and read that someone I knew had passed away.
It brought back all of the thoughts about the suicide and of mortality... of my own mortality. I honestly couldn't fall asleep that night, I spent a good two hours just tossing and turning trying to distract myself with something that wasn't about death.
When I'm in that mindset, I start seeing image in my head of the people I love and care most for in their caskets and I even see myself in a casket... I can't get these thoughts out of my head.
I'm not suicidal and I haven't self harmed in years....
I dunno, I don't know what I'm looking for here. But I needed a venue to get this off of my mind.
If you have any questions or are in need of assistance please feel free to send me a PM or a VM!
I'll be back in a week.