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Depression, Self Harm, and Suicide Those suffering from depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts can seek help in this forum.

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Old 03-10-11, 05:21 AM   #1
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Default Taking a step back

I've been self harming uncontrollably for years. It's to the point of being an addiction. Even recently, I "relapsed."

Lately, it seems ridiculously tough. Seventeen years old and paying bills, helping my mom run the house, going to high school, going to college, and working nearly everyday. I don't really have time for friends, but I do still see them. The main thing that kept me going before this was A) My boyfriend of 3 and half years and B) my art. I've not had much time for art and my boyfriend left me out of the blue. Last night, there was nothing I wanted more than to tear myself apart. But something told me to take a step back, that there was a reason to, if nothing else, put it off. Today I woke up with no new cuts and an emotional numbness. As much as I hate being numb, it's better than the pain. Everyone had always told me to take a minute and think it through, and I never did, never could. I'm not saying it solves everything, I still have flickers of desire to cut, but it's easier to manage. Turns out, breathing is my friend.
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Old 03-10-11, 09:45 AM   #2
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Hello @Taychu.tayrawr,

It's understandable how you would prefer to stay numb, pain is hard to handle expecially when it's mixed with stress and lack of time. However, both numbness and cutting are temporary solutions that will provide you with long-term complicated problems. Your goal here would be to break both of them and find a new outlet.

Take a moment to think about it. Seperate each problem you're facing and think of seperate solutions to each. From there, you just have to walk towards those solutions. Make a schedule and set a routine and time to fulfill all your responsibilities, and after you're done, look at it. You can now see clearly when you'll have free time.

Take that free time and dedicate it to having fun. Meet up with your friends and hang out with them to relax. Also, take the time to further practice your art. Find other outlets and hobbies. The possibilities are endless.








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Old 03-10-11, 09:47 AM   #3
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Default Re: Taking a step back

I never said I liked the numbness, I said it was better than the pain. It gives me time to assess the situation and find alternative means of coping.
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Old 03-10-11, 09:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Harming your self is never the Solution , why does it help you?... dont you think it makes things worse?








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Old 03-10-11, 09:56 AM   #5
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taychu.tayrawr View Post
I never said I liked the numbness, I said it was better than the pain. It gives me time to assess the situation and find alternative means of coping.
Like I said, you would prefer it to the paint. In no point did I say you enjoyed it.








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Old 03-10-11, 10:32 AM   #6
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about all the things you had to go through. I've had to do a lot of the same myself. And I know that it's a tough thing to deal with. Numbness can easily solve your problems, yes. But there are negatives to doing that which you could definitely regret later. So I'd encourage you to think about this a little differently. I know right now you'll find it hard to believe, but the fact is that things are most likely going to get better for you. Once you make it through all the suffering and strife and your problems begin to lessen, you won't want to be emotionally numb. You will want to feel everything that's good in the world. You'll want to be happy again. If you stay numb for long periods of time, you'll lose this ability to feel all the good things in the world once things start to get better for you. Not only that but you can turn that pain that you're experiencing now into a good thing. Those that feel the deepest of pains can use that experience as a lens through which to feel the deepest of happiness later. Yes, pain feels terrible and it's not something to seek out at all. But if it is unavoidable and you do feel it, try to turn it into something positive rather than dwelling on how bad it is. Rather than cutting off your feeling and emotions, find a way to sublimate the pain. There are hobbies out there that do not take much time to complete. And there are bound to be ones that you enjoy as well. Lose yourself in such things and take your mind off all the bad things in the world. But one thing you should do. And this is important. Is to relax and smile once and a while. It'll make you feel so much better.








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Old 03-10-11, 11:09 AM   #7
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Default Re: Taking a step back

I'm glad you stopped yourself from cutting and took a moment to think about it.
I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times but really; cutting is not the answer. It gets you no where and it never will. All it does it cause pain and reminds you of why you do it.

I understand you must be under alot of stress but there is never any reason to harm yourself. Actually that sort of contradicts, why hurt yourself when you're already stressed out? You should help yourself, not attack yourself.

Your boyfriend? If he left you for no reason then you are far better off without him, you needed to find someone better obviously.
And all those things you do? I bet that's so helpful to your parents/parent etc, they probably can't thank you enough for taking on so much and it's giving you independence. You know how to look after yourself, don't ruin it by feeling like you need to cut.

Why don't you start drawing again? Learn a new instrument? Or find something less time consuming, something that will occupy you and keep you focused on better things.

I really hope you start to feel better. Personally I've never understood this so I can't really offer much empathy but really, I think you just need to find something that makes you happy, ask your friends to go out somewhere sometime?









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Old 04-10-11, 05:24 AM   #8
 
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Look, Dnt try to do it... I have a firend who shot himself foe no reason..But it turnd out it was only b/c the stress he had. Now he's six feet under wth his head off his shoulders. All he needed to do was ask for help....if u have a feeling of cutting, or whatever u need to write in a diary and put it away for next time so that u dnt have to keep looking at it so the feeling wont come back...take it from me, when ur gone u wont be able feel ur loved one(s) arm around u telling u they love you....JUST DNT DO IT
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Old 04-10-11, 01:38 PM   #9
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Hey there @Taychu.tayrawr,

Listen, I know it seems tough. I'll have to agree, the stress you are under seems ridiculous. However, like John said, you need to find an outlet. Allocate 30 minutes or more per day to something devoted to you, that you enjoy. Even though it apepars you are growing up fast, you still need to remember to be a kid. On the subject of your boyfriend, fuck him. Like, if he couldn't stick with you through the bad, he sure as hell didn't deserve you during the good. Let it go. He wasn't worth it, and you are better then that.

If you need anything at all, ever, message me on MSN or on here.








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Old 05-10-11, 05:06 PM   #10
 
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Default Re: Taking a step back

Hi Taylor.

Let me just say, you should be so proud of yourself. You have with out a doubt taken a giant leap forward! It's true, breathing is a remarkable technique, its amazing how something so simple can be so distracting long enough to the feeling passes.

You are practically living the life of an adult, so I can see why you are doing it hard, you should be proud though, at seventeen you are more adult than many actual adults. I can see you're under immense pressure. Is there anything you can do to lighten it up, for example do you need to be going to college while your in high school, can you defer it til later, or could you drop a class til the next semester or something. Could you drop your hours at work, I understand this may not be financially possible, but even just one less shift a week so that you can use that time as 'me time' to do something just for you, be it chill out or do your art work.

As for the self harm have you tried any techniques (aside from the breathing) to distract you from doing it. Such as putting an elastic band on your arm and snapping it on your arm whenever you feel like harming, also i've found that some people like to put socks with the toe part cut off or a tubular band up their arm so that they can not harm it. Keep up with the deep breathing too, never under estimate the power of stepping back and breathing.

If you ever need to talk you can private message me on here.

-Annie

Last edited by AllThatGlitters; 05-10-11 at 05:08 PM..
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