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Depression, Self Harm, and Suicide Those suffering from depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts can seek help in this forum.

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Old 26-01-12, 08:57 PM   #1
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Name: Nicole
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Default I ruined everything

Thanks to depression I pushed all my friends away and my boyfriend just broke up with me. Thanks to problems with shyness I can't even talk to my therapist and make it better. It would be so easy to just give up right now.




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Old 26-01-12, 09:01 PM   #2
 
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Default Re: I ruined everything

Can't you write to your therapist?

I do that. I find it hard to talk, so I write. I take my laptop wherever I go
(now it's not to be used, so I can't write )




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Old 26-01-12, 09:05 PM   #3
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Default Re: I ruined everything

That's a good idea... I'll try that...


God I just feel like I screwed everything up. Tonight was the last straw. I just kind of lost all hope, I completely wore my boyfriend down with my depression and now he's gone and I honestly don't know how to get better... I keep trying so hard to get better but I can't. I'll have a perfect day and then all of a sudden something will set me off. I hate myself so much, I just threw away the happiest thing I ever had...




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Old 26-01-12, 09:08 PM   #4
 
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Default Re: I ruined everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by blanchelessthan3 View Post
That's a good idea... I'll try that...


God I just feel like I screwed everything up. Tonight was the last straw. I just kind of lost all hope, I completely wore my boyfriend down with my depression and now he's gone and I honestly don't know how to get better... I keep trying so hard to get better but I can't. I'll have a perfect day and then all of a sudden something will set me off. I hate myself so much, I just threw away the happiest thing I ever had...
I completely understand you.

I make people get bored at me because of my depression and anxiety and eternal bitching.


Hope you get better




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Old 26-01-12, 09:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: I ruined everything

Thanks. I just wish this would all go away.




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Old 26-01-12, 09:41 PM   #6
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Default Re: I ruined everything

I know how that is. I've done the same thing many times actually. I'm sorry that you have to go through all that. Do you have someone who isn't a professional that you can talk to about everything? I mean, it doesn't sound like much but it helps me a lot and it can do wonders. Even if it's just someone online or something like that. Other than that just don't give up. There's a lot of things worth living for out there. You just have to find them. But it's hard to do that if you don't keep trying. I do hope things get better for you though. I know how hard it can be.








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Old 27-01-12, 03:09 AM   #7
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Default Re: I ruined everything

I go to a therpist but I don't feel comfortable with her yet.... I always talked to Zach when I needed someone and he always made me happy but now I don't have him... I hate myself




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Old 27-01-12, 03:27 AM   #8
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Default Re: I ruined everything

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I completely understand where both Zach and yourself are coming from. However, I know very well how difficult it is to be your girlfriend's therapist. It doesn't work. If, perhaps, you get a bit more stable, I'm sure he'll listen. He just can't deal with all of it, plus his own. When you get your depression under control (by writing to your therapist, and its great you have on by the way), at the first least, your friends will come back.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and hope that it is swiftly resolved.








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Old 27-01-12, 07:39 AM   #9
 
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Default Re: I ruined everything

I understand how you feel. I'm suffering from depression myself & on top of that I have anxiety & I'm bipolar ( what a life... I know). I understand what you mean with the trust thing. I've been through a couple of therapist & not tell them anything that was wrong with me. I guess it's safe to say that I'd tell her some problems that was going on,but not whats really bothering me... if that makes sense? I generally have trust issues with people,but this therapist for some odd reason i was really open to her & straight up. I'm not saying go to another therapist, but maybe she isn't the one for you?

I do agree with finding someone that isn't a therapist so to say,but someone that can relate to what you're going through or even been through it before.
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Old 27-01-12, 09:16 AM   #10
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Default Re: I ruined everything

I think what's getting to me the most is the fact that in our final conversation he literally blamed 100% of our problems and the reasons we were breaking up on me.... He won't even admit that he's done anything wrong, he actually said he didn't but... Something that he did (which I don't want to get into) was the reasong my depression surface in the first place and it just hurts so much that he would act like he's the saint and dump everything on me... That's just really getting to me because the more he tells me it's all my fault, the more I convince myself it is and the more I hate myself...




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