Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I need help on deciding what to do about my situation at home. Things have been really rough, especially last night. When I tell you what caused the fight, you will probably think it's something stupid to fight over, but there's really more to it than that. Last night, it all started when I couldn't locate my world studies book. I had a project that was assigned that was due the next day, and although I swore that I put it in my bookbag, I couldn't seem to find it anywhere at home. So I finally went up to my parents and confessed that I had most likely left my stuff at school in my locker. My parents then blew up and kept asking if I even cared about school anymore, and how that this has happened way too often lately, and that they were about ready to just step back and watch me throw my future away by failing my freshman year. Although it probably seems like I don't give a crap, I really do deep down, I just don't know how to cope with being so far behind. So after that, since I still didn't show any emotion, they announced that they were giving up on me. That it was too stressful to try to stay on top of me and my schoolwork, and that I would have to deal with it on my own. So I then asked if I could please go stay the night at a friends house to think about everything, they demanded a better explanation and eventually said no. I was currently talking on the phone with the friend I wanted to stay with, whose name is Aaron (and even though he's a guy, I would be sleeping in separate rooms and everything most likely) when he heard all that. Then, after about ten minutes of continuing to talk to him on the phone, I told him to hold on, and I went and asked yet again if I could stay at a friends house. After nagging him (my mom and dad were both in the office at the time) his exact words were, "You know what, fine! Go pack your shit and get the fuck out!" That's when the worst thing happened. My mom then said, "David!" and in the process threw a heavy bag at his head, and when it hit him he said, "Oh God" and held his head. I swear I saw his eyes roll back in his head as I screamed and ran over to see if he was alright. In the process, my mom stormed off and I then ran to go pack my belongings after I knew my dad was okay enough for me to leave. As I was packing my things, my dad came and stood in the doorway and told me I in fact, wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't mean what he said, blah blah blah. I then asked him why there was any reason I should and he said that if I left my mom would blame him, yadda yadda yadda. I then said that if I tell her it's my choice and that it's not your fault that it would be fine. He refused to let me leave, and after I tried packing the last of my things, my mom reappeared and told me the same thing. I told them that nothing was stopping me from leaving for the night, and that I was leaving anyway, but my mom said that if I did she would call the police and report me as a runaway. So I finally gave up for the night and collapsed on my bed and cried, and then fell asleep. (note: My parents normally are not this bad, but it has been pretty rough lately) (note 2: My eight-year-old brother was sleeping through this entire thing as far as I know, and just for some more information, I am a biological child but my brother is adopted.) I am at school right now in the library trying to get advice from you. Could you please give me some suggestions/possible solutions to this issue? Thank you so much for everyone who comments.
~A troubled and confused teen

That was quite some post, could you please possibly break it into paragraphs? It makes it easier for others to read.

Anyway, I read through the lot, and it seems to me that your parents thought you didn't care because you are "so far behind", as you said. Personally, I would have a talk with your parents, explain to them the situation and explain why you are so far behind, just to clear the air.

Also, I think that you nagging your parents to go stay at your friends may have been a little out of hand given the situation and why they said no, at least from my perspective.

Honestly, the best thing to do really as I said, sit down with them and tell them why you needed to stay at your friends, tell them why you are so far behind at school, and then you yourself, you need to find a way to organise your things so that you don't get behind in your work. Organise your drawers so that your work and textbooks are in individual sections, and try to stay on top of your work by completing homework and assignments as soon as you can.

I myself find it hard to stay focused on my assignments, and whilst I'm not behind and get them done on time, I leave them too late because I am distracted by other things. If you are far behind, you need to start prioritising your work so that you can catch up with the class. You said "Although it probably seems like I don't give a crap, I really do deep down". I think the best thing to do is show your parents you give a crap, try to catch up on your work and get it done on time, then they will see that you really do care.

That's my thoughts on the whole thing.

Right, so if I read that correctly, it sounds to me like, your parents got annoyed over a book and then tried to kick you out of home, and then tried to keep you in the home after they told you to get out. Is that correct?

If so, don't run away EVER! It ruins families more than it solves problems. It's not a very good idea, if this comes us again, I really strongly suggest you stay in the house unless you are forcefully pushed out. Your parents probably had that held up inside them for a while, if it looks like you don't care much. I know my parents are the same. They explode at me after about a week or two and just go on and on about how I don't care about my future. It's bollocks.

What else I suggest is you give them time to cool off. So sticking to one room, or a smal part of that room and not making yourself too recognised is a good way to do it. Just avoiding confrontation from them can really make a difference. You both need time to think and just forget about it. So you stick you head in your books and show them that you're mature and capable of caring about your work... and they will leave you alone and see that you've not incapable.

Trust me, I've heard worse cases, but if they aren't usually like this, then that's rather rubbish. Here if you want to talk. x

Everyone goes through family troubles :(

Just don't ever leave because it just makes it harder to get back into the family and you'll find your life will probably never seem the same again.

Try talking to your family and tell them how you feel, I do it to my parents even if its through screaming at them but they seem to understand more.

Sorry I couldn't be more help
Jess x

Thanks so much for the suggestions so far! Now, Metamorphisis, are you suggesting that I ask them if I can stay at my friend's house again, or are you suggesting I just tell them why I felt it was necessary? Just wondering.

I'm suggesting you tell them why you felt it was neccessary so they get an understanding of your feelings about the whole matter.

I tried that last night, and they blew up again... ): I really dunno what to do. Things are better I guess, but they act like nothing ever happened.

They blew up? Ah man, sorry to hear that it didn't work, I just thought maybe trying to give them an understanding of why you felt the way you did would help. As I haven't really been in a situation as big as this, I honestly don't know what advice to give, so I can't help you,sorry.

It's alright, I totally understand.

Hi,

After reading your original post, I understand that it started, ultimately, due to a lack of committment to your studies?

Im not trying to be mean or anything, but your education is important. Without your nothing, thats the main reason why your parents reacted the way they did. They really care about you and want you to do something with your life.

I had the same issues, I didnt do my work and I was just scraping along, only just passing, when I am capable of much better. I made a decision to visit a therapist, just so I could vent my feelings and thoughts, with my parents there aswell so they could understand what was going on in a calm and controlled environment and then after that I actually got organised and last year I got Dux of my year level (Best Overall Performing student.) It really helped visitng the therapist with my parents, maybe it might help you too? Just so you cant vent as much as you want and you'll feel soo much better.

I hope that helps and improves the situation at your house, if you need any oither help please dont hesitate to contact me.

Johno