Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Hello, I am new to this site and just needed to ask for your advice on my situation.
So I've just turned 19 and have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. We both have brilliant jobs and work full time. We have been talking about moving in together for a bit now and 2 weeks ago finally decided to start looking for an apartment. Now we have an apartment and will be moving into it in about 2 weeks time. The problem though is that I cant find a way to tell my parents I am moving out. My mum is not the problem I think I could tell her and she would be disappointed and sad but still happy for me. Its my dad thats the problem. Because I'm the youngest he thinks I am still a baby and treats me like one too. He gets angry at the littlest thing. I feel i can't just tell him cos he doesn't listen and everything as to end up in an argument. I'm just scared that if I tell him before we move in he might kick me out there and then.
Any advice?

Thank you,
Gemma.

This is obviously my personal opinion, I'm no expert and I've not been in such a situation before, but reading between the lines, I think your father is protective over you because you're the youngest. I don't know what the relationship between the two of you is like however, to me it appears because you're the youngest your father is protective over you and that's why he might get angry at the littlest thing, as he doesn't want anything or anybody to hurt you. This happens in families, the parents protect you when you're young and being the youngest, they protect you even more.
Your father might want you to stay young. You said he looks at you as a baby and treats you like one too, as I said, he might want you to stay young, he might not want you to grow up, being the youngest. It may be hard for him to deal with that you are actually 19, you are going up, once you've grown up and flown the nest, that's it, you're not his "baby" anymore, you're an adult. Do you see where I'm coming from?

As to telling your parents, I think you should tell your mother first. You said your mother may be disappointed and sad, and I will refer to my earlier point about your father, it's because you're young. They will get over it. I think you should break the news to your mother first, as she apparently won't take the news as bad as your father. You should confide in your mother and tell her you're not sure how your father will take it and maybe you could both, in time, tell your father instead of it all being upon your shoulders.

He might just be happy for you, if he can see that your mother is happy for you, however, he might not take it well to start with. Look at both sides of this and prepare yourself for both sides. In regards to your father kicking you out, again, as I say, I don't know the relationship between you both but I think you're worrying a little bit too much. You know it's time to move out, you know you're growing up, have a stable relationship with your boyfriend and now you know it's time, your parents should respect that and in time they will. I don't think your father will kick you out of the house, but it's all about feeling when YOU are ready, not when you think your parents will be ready.

If you feel more comfortable telling them about it when you've got the apartment, then so be it. Don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. I see how hard this already is for you with the worrying you are doing, and it's all a fact of life, we all do it, we all grow up and we all move on with our lives. Just tell your parents when you feel comfortable. As I say, if you feel more comfortable telling them when you actually have the apartment, then tell them at that moment. If your worst fears do come true (I think you're thinking too much into it) and your father kicks you out, you then have a back-up plan as you have your apartment to fall back on. You're 19, your parents cannot make you stay at home and not get an apartment, nor can you dangle off your parents apron strings for the rest of your life. You can't live your life doing what your parents want you to do.

I wish you the best of luck with telling your parents, and remember, there's always someone to talk to here and you can also come get advice. I hope my views help you out.

Thank you for your reply I think I am really worrying too much. I know he will be angry he's bound to be I'm his little girl after all but maybe he will be happy for me too. I am going to tell my mother first as you suggested and then we can both tell him together.
Thank you!

You're welcome!!
It might not be plain sailing, but as I said in my advice, You're going to have to prepare yourself for both sides. If he gets mad and upset, it's because you are his little girl and being the youngest, he knows it's the "end", he hasn't got his "child" anymore. Obviously you'll always be his child but you're not a baby nor a kid, you're an adult and hey, we've all got to face this. I'm glad you're planning on telling your mum first, I think this will cushion the blow a bit for your father is you both tell him together. It'll feel like a full load has been taken off your shoulders.

Once, again, Good luck with telling your parents I'm positive everything will be fine.

"Protective"=a good thing. "Protective" fathers wouldn't throw their kid out when they find out she's moving out to live with her boyfriend. He might be 'concerned', or 'worried', he might fret if this is a 'good thing'. He'd want to help smooth the transition, make sure you have everything you need. He might even be a bit sad. But, make no mistake, if you're 'afraid' of your dad's reaction, it's not b/c he's 'Over protective'. No, that's called 'Controlling'. And "Controlling" is a very bad thing. You're working around your dad here b/c you're afraid he will take this all personally and do *whatever* not so much to 'Protect" you, but to protect himself..specifically his ego. I bet this goes back a while, too, it's not unique to this current situation.

Solution? Damage control. You have to present this to him in a way that best manages his over reaction. And to do that, you might need to enlist mum's help before hand...tell her first, and discuss with her your concerns about dad's overreaction, and work with her to best manage that...ultimately as his wife, that's more her responsibility, not yours.

You can try telling it to your mom first and she can help you tell it to your dad. it would also be good if your boyfriend could also talk to your dad after telling him of course so your dad will be reassured that her daughter is in really good hands and there is nothing for him to worry about.

Im almost in the same position as you only im a year younger but by the time i move out i will be 19 and i will live with my boyfriend and the way ive decided to tell my parents is just a bit before, because i know my mum will be upset as i live with her but 19 is more then old enough especially when you know its what you want, and if you know what you want and your going to be happy then i think your parents should understand.
Sure they will be upset but that all part of them letting you get on with your life, dont forget you've been with them since you were little so it will be hard for them
hope i helped <3

i got the same problem.. then i tought better , be sure your capabler of handle it .. share your point of view with them