09-10-11, 06:42 AM
Join Date: Sep 2010
I only moved to University a month ago, and I know they say 'give it time' but I thought I'd made some pretty awesome friends already.
And I have. But you know there's a difference between when you know you've really connected with people as friends, and people you smile and wave at in passing?
Well... My 'friends' don't seem to be friends at all. Not at the moment.
I don't know how to be around them. I turned up the other day after one of the smaller groups invited me around. A few days ago I got invited to a small get together in one of my friends' halls, and I was made to feel like an intruder. they were all giggling and having private jokes. but I couldn't leave because I felt rude. it got to early hours in the morning, and I couldn't take the uncomfortableness anymore so I got up to leave.
One of the guys lives close to where I do, so we could've walked together. But I ended up walking in the city at stupid o'clock alone anyway.
On my birthday, half my associates disappeared and then another few disappeared - leaving me on my own and confused to where everybody had gone. And then they turned up again at 12am after going to drink somewhere else. Now they keep making in-jokes about my own night. I feel so excluded.
I also feel like I'm being paranoid about their perceptions of me, though. Because of my regional accent, I feel like they don't want to hang around me because I might be annoying.
And I'm majorly crushing on one of the guys. And he knows this, but it was made more uncomfortable watching him cuddle other girls in front of me. I don't know whether to blame naivity or ignorance, but I felt so awkward. I think I feel more for him than I should.
I'm ripping my hair out trying to decide whether these people are my friends or not. At the moment, I'm going through a hard time and all of them seem to be annoyed that I cry quite a lot. I can't help it, and I am going to the counsellor on monday to ask for help. I have a lot of issues stacking up and this perceived group rejection isn't helping me.
All of them claim to be there, but none of them are. I don't know what to do.