Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I became friends with this guy because I was friends with his girlfriend for a year or two before I met him. We became friends when we realized we were in the same club, which isn't really anything specialized; it's a volunteering type club. He texts me all the time to talk which would be fine if we had something to say... Its probably my fault but I just feel like I can't let my guard down with him. As far as I know, we don't have much in common and hEs a year older than me and a senior. So Im partly thinking about hOw even if we get close, he'll just be gone in a year anyways. I wanna be able to just chill and be my not-so normal Self with him but it's just not working. So we have nothing to do when we hang out and nothing in general to talk about, and Im very tense. Idk what to do about this. Its like before this I was in need of a best friend and the opportunity comes and his...

Thats avery hard place to be in, I don't want to get a girl friend because if the colleges I've chosen and if I get to close to her it could change my life in a big way, like changing college to be closer to her.

Try talking to him and finding things in common. There's probably something there. You also have to try and be yourself around him. If it's not working and you can't do that, I would suggest finding someone who you can be yourself around. You can't get close to someone if you can't be yourself around them. Just relax and try and find something in common. And things will go from there.

thts a topic to talk about: One another's interests.

Do you have social anxiety?

I mean I know a lot of what he's interested in, but not much overlaps. He's kind of athletic and I'm very academic. And no I don't really have social anxiety. I'm pretty comfortable with most people, even if I don't know them, and I'm pretty quick to start up a conversation. We kind of ran out of things to talk about early on. What I figure is is that he wont exactly find me funny like most people based on the fact that I usually end up explain what I meant when I make a joke. If he doesn't get my jokes, how am I supposed to expect him to get me?

just randomly pick a topic. maybe something that you have in common.

Talk about game, movies or girls. That's at least 3 common things between every male.

Are you saying a random topic might turn out to be something that we have in common? Because otherwise, I even said we didn't have much in common, how am i supposed to pick something?

I don't really follow sports like him or play video games, so the whole games thing is out. Movies, maybe, but that's such a petty conversation...As far as girls, he'd never comment on another girl because he thinks he's so in love with his girlfriend/my friend, and I'm in love with one of my best friends which he knows about(because he sees me with her all the time), but yeah....

You don’t have to hold common interests with some one to be good friends with the person. It’s a matter of how much you enjoy being around the person in particular. I suggest you get to know him better.

Start with something really basic; what are some of your interests, do you enjoy bowling? Let’s take that as an example. Invite him out bowling, might want to invite another friend or so if you fear it will be awkward. Seize the opportunity to strike common conversation with him. Dive into the unknown; ask about where he grew up, what qualities made him fall for his girlfriend, what kind of career he’d like to peruse etc. Set up the bowling meet accordingly so things won’t go awkward; remember that you’ll be engaging in an activity while you’re conversing so you don’t have to be having meaningful conversations with him through out the entire thing. Share personal things with him you’d feel comfortable sharing so he too can get to know you better.

After you’ve properly bonded with him pick up on where things left off. Reach out to him, ask him how he enjoyed himself then observe how much you enjoy his company after you’ve given him a proper chance.

If you have to explain your jokes that FINE. As you explain, you're allowing him to get to know you better. As long as he actually takes the time to talk to you, that's a good sign in itself. The more you explain, the more he gets to know and understand you. Try finding a similar activity you guys like - some said bowling, but it could be anything. Go swimming, go for a hike, or just chill together listening to music. You don't have to talk about any topic in general, you can observe what's going on around you and comment on that. Good luck!