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Old 24-03-12, 01:08 PM   #1
 
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Default they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Hi everyone,

My parents do love me dearly but sometimes I am confused by their behaviour. Instead of letting me do what I am happy doing, they tell me what to do . I know I am young but I think I have an idea of what is best for me. Sometimes what they ask of me is just not what I want, and that makes me feel like a failure.


Can everyone just put down BRIEFLY examples for :
- when you feel like your parents are not listening to you (ie, what problem was it)
- WHY do you think they don't accept our views
- what to do next?

Please leave as many examples here, let this be a growing list so that we all don't feel so alone when dealing with difficult parents.

Thanks.
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Old 24-03-12, 03:30 PM   #2
 
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

- when you feel like your parents are not listening to you (ie, what problem was it)
well my parents are divorced, so i only really deal with my dad on things that i want, he wants and stuff like that. my dad is a pretty conservative person. we disagree on things like curfew time, type of clothing im wearing, going to the gym..nothing insanely BIG that will affect my future but just little things in general

- WHY do you think they don't accept our views
i think they honestly just want the best for us.. but they dont get that the world has changed..and what they did when they were little..isnt the same as now

- what to do next?
for me, i try my best to talk it out with my dad. I ask him "well when you were my age, did you do this too?".. just to prove to him that if he was allowed to do it, then i should be allowed to do it as well
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Old 24-03-12, 03:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

I think sometimes parents have reasons for doing what they do, or saying what they say. And sometimes, being the kid, it seems like they're just doing it to ruin your fun, or because they don't care about your happiness...

- when you feel like your parents are not listening to you (ie, what problem was it)
Most of the arguments between my parents and me are when we talk about things like mental health. I'm constantly in and out of the hospital and seeing a bunch of different people like psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, etc. I'm on medication, and my parents and I argue about that, (because they are hippies, and believe in flower essence and natural remedies), we argue about me having an IEP for school, (because they don't want people to know about my mental disorders), and we argue about a lot of things revolving that...

- WHY do you think they don't accept our views
I think, in my case, it's a stigma thing mostly... My parents want people to think that I am perfect, and when they find out that I'm not, it's sort of a huge blow to them, and they feel like they can't accept me, or what I have to say.

- what to do next?
Well, my therapist says that for me to resolve issues with my parents, it's best to try to talk to them calmly and explain my views. Or write my opinions down in a letter and give it to them, so when they are ready to hear what I have to say, they can open the letter, and all of my thoughts will still be there just as I had thought of them.









*Oh, and btw, I DO throw rage fits.
If I get overly aggressive at you, just ignore me.

Overall, if you need help, please feel free to ask me for it.
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Old 24-03-12, 03:46 PM   #4
 
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Your parents will be the boss over you as long as you live under their roof.
Want to get rid off being bossed around? Get an own apartment.
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Old 24-03-12, 04:45 PM   #5
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

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Old 24-03-12, 05:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Our parents have more experience than us. We might think that we are all knowing, but we aren't, sadly.

This is quite ironic, because it's an example of how you don't know everything.










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Old 24-03-12, 05:32 PM   #7
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Our parents just want whats best for us and yeah that is gonna cause some arguments but the best think u can do is just talk to them explain ur views and opinions let them express theirs and maybe you will manage to come to a compromise that you can all agree on
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Old 25-03-12, 08:23 PM   #8
 
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

They care about your happiness. You're probably just unable to see that right now they're doing what they feel is best for you. My mom might tell me I can't go hang out with my friends and I have to do some work. Does that mean she wants me unhappy? No. She's showing me responsibility.
If you really think they're being unreasonable, sit down and talk to them. It's the most mature way to handle any situation with them.




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Old 26-03-12, 02:27 PM   #9
 
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Default Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies. I do think my parents just want the best for me and they are probably doing all they think it is right. I have tried to tell them how I feel but it always seem that what I feel is not the right thing. It is just too frustrating at times because what I think can't be wrong this often because being the way I am makes me happy.

I will make a point to have more discussions with my parents. I'm sure that will do something.
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Old 29-03-12, 08:00 AM   #10
 
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Icon11 Re: they love me but don't care for my happiness?

Hi sinkorswim.

I can see that you do have a little bit of a dilemma here. But not to worry, we're here to help.

Parents like to make choices for us because they do not want to see us in strife or hurt. It may seem very stupid for them to think this but they're our parents and it's kind of their job to look after us. An example I have for you is when I was living with my parents, I had a 20 year old boyfriend (I was 16). They did not like this ONE SINGLE BIT. Now I thought it was completely fine but of course as they do, my parents were thinking the worst. He might rape me, he's taking advantage of me and so on. But he wasn't at all. He was very genuine.

However, my parents were just looking out for me because it seemed a little odd to them that a 20 year old would want a 16 year old. I defied them and it made their lives hell. I look back on it now and when I think really hard about it, they were just being worried parents because that's what they do. Parents will always be parents.

They like to make choices for us because they want us to lead a wholesome life and be happy. Now you'll say, "I want to do what I want to do". Remember - Compromise will always be your best friend. You just need to reason with them and compromise and everything will start to look up. Instead of saying "I'm going out with friends until 12am" and then they say "We want you home by 10pm", how about you say, "I'll meet you half way. I'll be home at 11pm and you can pick me up from where I am if you're really worried." If they say no to this, don't argue, just do as they say. Parents will always be parents. They are just looking out for you.

Hope this helps.
Feel free to message me if you need any further assistance.

Love Gee. x
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