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Old 26-12-17, 05:21 AM   #1
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Default Advice for dealing with unapologetic mother

About 10 months ago I had severe argument with my mother. I tried to ask her for advice because at the time I was having some self confidence issues. She told me that my status as an outsider was a result of my psychopathic personality and compared me to a boy who shot up his school. Just to clarify, I care for those around me and wouldn't dream of hurting any of them. Back to the argument, I tried to calmly diffuse the situation by saying that words like that made it hard for me to speak with her seriously. She began screaming and jumping up and down, I legitimately thought she was about to attack me. I flew into a panic attack and fell to the floor begging her forgiveness. She carried on yelling and told me she gave up with me, just like my 'hopeless' father. For the record my dad is the kindest man I've ever met who goes to great lengths to put up with my mother, who treats him far worse than me. This incident has greatly hurt my view of my mother and has led to many nightmares. I know I should have found a resolution sooner, but I was so afraid and my dad said she isn't the listening sort. On several occasions I have attempted to bring it up with her, but it has led to more screaming. Even if she doesn't get angry she cuts me off and tells me either that I'm being selfish by bringing up something that she doesn't want to think about, or that I'm lying and it never happened. I know it happened because I wrote it down, but she never listens. I don't want a confrontation or to get my school involved as some have suggested, just a simple apology so I can move on. How can I make her listen without being angry?

Last edited by jessica653; 26-12-17 at 05:22 AM..
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Old 26-12-17, 08:54 AM   #2
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Default Re: Advice for dealing with unapologetic mother

Hard to say. One would have to know your family relationships better to be able to assess that correctly. But that would go beyond the scope of such a thread.

Yearscago I used to have a lot of quarrels with my mom, for other reasons. We literally had war at home and every little thing caused a heated argument. This resulted in me moving to my dad. Since then there has been peace.

The next 3 years I didn't see my mom. Our first meeting took place almost exactly a year ago. Last Christmas. Our relationship was distanced, when we met, as my girlfriend stated at the time.

Meanwhile, the relationship with my mom has noticeably improved, but we'll never have such a close mother-son relationship as Mom has it with my older bro.

If I derive something from this, my personal experience, that I can advise you, it would be this:

Keep a certain distance from your mom (if possible) and try to find someone else to talk about your problems.

I got gut feeling, your mom remains unapologetic (indefinitely) and will block any attempt to talk to her about your problems.

To solve your problems you need, as said above, other people to help you with this. If necessary, contact a school psychologist or people from social services.

Maybe just involving other people makes your mother more insightful.

If not, she will always remain obdurate ... at least in your case. Which may indicate that she needs help herself to be able to deal with her own problems.

Last edited by lliam; 26-12-17 at 08:55 AM..
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