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Old 11-03-18, 10:39 PM   #1
 
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Icon9 My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want to kill myself

I have been living with my mother since alone since five years old.
My father divorced her and I am a only child.
I have been able to withstand her all these years but lately my depression is returning and she has become increasingly unpredictable.
My mother is used to verbally abusing me and threatening me. I and half a head taller than her yet I can still only whimper when she slaps or hits me.
I still have nail marks on my arm for two months ago the first time I tried to drive with her in the car. I am turning 17 next month and will be off to college this year, but I am afraid I may not be able to tolerate her till then.
She does not have a stable job,
But she does her best to provide me with her savings. So she sis basically always home. And I am not allowed to hang out with friends on weekends because she says I should be studying. But then at times she says I’m too antisocialz She also seems to have anxiety and depression.
I have been talking with my dad to get a therapist but I also want to know if there is anyone with the same experience who can shed a little light for me.
Is it possible to ever build a normal relationship with my mother?
She can be really sweet sometimes but even then I have to walk on daggers around her. I feel very inferior yet she feels nothing about how she has treated me.
She says everything she does is for me and that she loves me, yet she basically picks and snows everything I do.
The way I talk my acne, the way I walk, everything.
If I do much as reveal a bit of unsatisfactory in my tone, I would have a major problem.
Yesterday I was thinking about stabbing myself in the stomach. But then I thought my dad and my best friend and how it would really hurt so I stopped.
But I don’t know how much longer I can keep dangling.
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Old 12-03-18, 12:26 PM   #2
 
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Default Re: My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want to kill myself

Just get professional help.


I don't know why you've not been looking for help ... eg ... asking authorities or seeking it by contacting similar, professional organizations.

It's also hard to predict if your dad can be of help. Reading your post my spontaneous thought was, you have to get out of there ... out of your relationship with your mom and your current home. To be honest, that should have happened years ago.

I don't know how much you care about your mom, but it's time for you to take care of yourself. Especially cause you mentioned depression.

You're or will soon be 18. You need all the time to get your own live back and to prepare yourself fror your future as an adult.

Even though you should be very worried about your mom and feel obliged to be a support for her in some way or another, your own life should have priority the moment.
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Old 12-03-18, 02:13 PM   #3
 
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Default Re: My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want to kill myself

Thank you. I’ve thought about moving off with my dad multiple times but every time she managed to make me guilty or scared enough to stay. she’s threatened to kill herself on several occasions or make me feel like I was abandoning her. We are also the only two people in the house so it’s terrifying when she’s on one of her screaming fits. Then after the fight for a while she behaves well and sometimes really sweet too but never for long.
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Old 12-03-18, 08:55 PM   #4
 
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Default Re: My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want to kill myself

that's an common old trick of moms I suppose
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Old 15-03-18, 10:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I want to kill myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by lliam View Post
that's an common old trick of moms I suppose
It's actually very common for people with BPD to rage at you one moment, then act really kind and sweet the next.

I had a "friend" who had BPD, but she refused to help herself and I was always at the head of all of her rage. I couldn't take it anymore, so I had to stop being her friend. :(

I hope that you can have a healthy relationship with your mother, but I agree with lliam. You need to help yourself first. If your mom isn't willing to do what it takes to be a healthy parent, then it's up to you to take care of yourself.

I'd suggest calling the police the next time she tries to attack you. Will she try to guilt trip you? Yes. Will she try to convince you that she won't do it again? Mhm. But I think calling the police might be the step to take to getting her some help, herself.

And I'd encourage you to seek therapy as well.
It can be difficult to find a proper therapist, but once you find a good one, it makes a world of difference!
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I'm old. Damn.

Well theres not much else to say
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