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This is hilarious when you see it, its from the TV series Bottom:



Richie: What did we do? What did we do?

Eddie: Well it's your fault for touching up the burly Ferris wheel attendant.

Richie: I thought she was a girl.

Eddie: They were pectorals you fool!

Richie: Well she had an earring.

Eddie: Yeah, through HER foreskin.

Richie: Yes, which I found out later much to my distress!



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Danny Butterman: Where's the trolley boy?

Nicholas Angel: In the freezer.

Danny Butterman: Did you say "cool off?"

Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything...

Danny Butterman: Shame.

Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.

Danny Butterman: You're off the f***in' chain!

all from HOUSE MD



Wilson: what are you doing?

House: Cannoying



Three choices in life: Be good, get good or give up



Everybody lies



Rational arguments don't usuaully work on religious people. otherwise they wouldn't be religious



....

Anchorman



Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.

Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.

Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.

Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people

News Station Employee: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's d***.

stepbrothers

Dale Doback: That's so funny the first time I heard that I fell off my dinosaur.

from The Italian Job

*van blows up*

Charle: You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off

^ That. Is a classic.

Uhm:

SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD:
Wallace: Now Scott, don't forget the L word!
Scott:...Lesbian?
Wallace:....no the other L word.
Scott: Lesbians??

REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA:
Luigi: I'll SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD!! (Mid-song)

TRON: Legacy:
Sam: Remember your old Ducati?
Kevin: You kidding me there's not a day goes by I don't think about that bike.
Sam: Well I'm fixing her up!
Kevin: Wha' you busted my bike?! D:

It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.
-Star Trek

Inbetweeners..

Simon: oooooohh Friend...
Neil: Car friend
Simon: oooohhh football friend
Jay: Hes not my f**king friend allright! x

friend, fucking friend (sorry about the language, i know it's against the rules)