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General Help and Advice Forum Seek advice on general life issues and frustrations.

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Old 07-09-13, 12:23 PM   #1
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Default How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

Well, long story short, I lived with my grandma for twelve years in Singapore, until June last year, when I moved to the US with my father. She was to come along, but visa stuff, ya know? She came a few days ago. Anyway, in that one year, I've changed quite a bit. Last time, she used to "baby" me in everything. I appreciate that she loves me and cares for me, but now I can do my own stuff. I cook my own breakfast, make my own lunch, and help out for dinner. I live here in the US with my aunt and uncle, btw. I do my own laundry and take care of my own homework and I get A's except in a B in Math.

I also had my own room. Back in Singapore, I shared a room with my grandma. Now it's the same thing here. I got so used to having a measure of privacy over here, and being treated like a mature, responsible person, and it's nice, because I hardly got into scrapes with my aunt and uncle and dad. Well, my grandma still thinks I'm a little kid. She wants me to drink milk, to do this, to do that, etc. I said yesterday I was hungry, then I got out some cookies to eat, and went back to my room. She followed me into my room and asked me about five times if I was hungry. And I said, "no." And I'm also used to watching movies by myself at night after dinner. (I've picked up watching old movies on TCM!) Yesterday I was really, really, really excited to watch Vertigo.

Well, lo and behold, my grandma comes upstairs, too, and she ends up falling asleep and I get so sick and tired of hearing her snore I just gave up on watching the movie. And that frustrated me to death. I like her company sometimes, but movies are just something which I have to watch alone. Mainly because the people I watch films with always end up passing judgments about the actors and I hate when that happens. My grandma is really judgmental, and she keeps nagging at me what to do over and over again. (Used to be that I was told to do a chore, and I would take care of it by the end of the day - no nagging. But my grandma wants me to do it instantly.) When I'm sitting down trying to relax and enjoy a Fred Astaire film, she sits down next to me and keeps talking and talking and talking. I mean, a gal just wants some Fred/Ginger in her life sometimes.

And last night, again, I got really tired and went to bed, and my grandma came in and made all this noise. God, she got up at least five times during and banged things and turned on bright lights and I didn't end up getting much sleep at all. I'm just really frustrated. I don't know how to talk to her about it, though.
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Old 07-09-13, 02:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

It seems to me like you're more annoyed with her presence than anything. Which is fine because you're growing up and we all display angst towards those who appear clingy.

It's not that she's babying you, she just has maternal feelings towards you and you clearly don't like that. Telling you to do your chores right now isn't babying you. You're mature enough to know what chores you're going to have to do each day. And if you know she's going to nag you about doing the chores the moment you're asked to do so, then do it, or make the effort to do it before you're even asked. I mean, you get good grades with out being asked to, so why not do the dishes without being asked to, too? :p The best way to get a nagger off your case, is to not give them something to nag about.

Or, whenever you think shes babying you, maybe mention in a playful manner that you're a big girl, and you always do what you're told with out even needing reminders. Over time she'll see that and begin to pull off.

As for you being annoyed by her falling asleep and snoring, it's not her fault really. She's a grandma, she's old :p Try waking her up and helping her to her bed so she can go to sleep. Or at least ask her to go to bed.

About her making noise when you're trying to sleep, just be straightforward about it. It's a serious problem when you can't get any sleep. That can affect your performance at school and such.

Me and my grandma are very close, and she often does the same things (yapping at me while I'm watching something or playing again)and sometimes she does nag me about somethings but I do respect her and I understand that she just wants the best for me.
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Old 08-09-13, 01:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

Do you both still share a room?

That's a tough spot. It can be hard to start to set new boundaries with a person, especially an older person. If she's not respecting your space and not being courteous while you sleep, it might be best to ask your dad or uncles if they have any suggestions on how to break it to her since she's not doing it on purpose. They probably know her best and she's probably more apt to listen to them and take it without her feelings getting hurt, or less chance of it.

Or you can tell her point blank but ask her help in finding a compromise. Say, "Grandma, i'm getting older and I really need my space and private time in the evening to relax and get ready for the next day. I like to watch my movies alone at night. But, I do like spending time with you. Can you help me think of a way where we can spend time together and I can still have some alone time at night?"

With that said, even if you are as nice as possible in breaking it to her, she might have her feelings hurt for a bit. But that is ok because you're not doing anything wrong, you're just growing up like everyone else. However, I would encourage you to set a special time apart for you and your grandmother where you give her your full attention for at least an hour.

If you can't break her of the habit of coming into you room, maybe you can get her a flashlight or a night light so she doesn't stumble around and wake you. Just say, "Bright lights wake me up in the middle of the night, but I also worry about you falling. Here is a flashlight, nightlight so that you can be safe without waking me up. If it doesn't help, maybe you can help me think of a better solution"

Just an idea. Good luck.
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Old 10-09-13, 02:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

Thanks for the helpful replies, guys.

Yeah, we do still share a room. Which really, really, really gets on my nerves. In the mornings, when I wake up for school, she wakes up too, and I get that she does it because she cares for me, but I really don't need her help in the mornings. I get ready by myself just fine. And she keeps forgetting to close my room door when I bathe and ask her to close it when she leaves. And then I put my pajamas on top of my laundry basket during the day, and she keeps nagging and nagging and nagging me to death about putting the dirty ones in the basket, when I really have no time because I have to catch the school bus. So she'll take matters into her own hands and put everything in the laundry basket and I'll come back and there's nothing for me to wear because everything is for washing.

And what annoys me the most is the way she keeps repeating things. That day we were eating dinner and she asked me five times if I wanted more fish, even though I had politely declined before. God. And she keeps saying that I need to drink milk and eat prunes and all that. I swear, it's driving me crazy. And the house is fully air-conditioned, which is something kind of new for her, and sometimes she thinks it's warm and she'll snap at me for wearing a jacket (which I always do because I think it's cold), and she'll say, "Take it off, it's so hot." Then ten minutes later it's freeeezing for her and she's all, "It's so cold, how am I going to live in this house?" Then she will proceed to say, "You should wear long pants. Don't you feel cold?" She asks me "don't you feel cold?" at least ten times on a daily basis.

I hate sharing a room. She usually wants her afternoon nap after I come back from school, so I usually gather up my stuff and go upstairs to my dad's room and use my laptop and such, which is great, because my dad doesn't nag half as much as she does. So just now, she came upstairs, nagged at me, yelled at me (she said I was disobedient when I really just said that I would prefer to stay upstairs because my laptop was charging) and nagged me into coming downstairs which annoys me to death. I want privacy, period. And she also said that she ought to smack me. I mean, really? I'm 14. I get good grades. I try to be helpful when I can. I just don't want her imposing upon me 24/7.

I don't know how to talk to her, about it, though. She'll probably yell at me or something. And my aunt and uncle will take her side. I just know it.
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Old 10-09-13, 06:51 PM   #5
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

The term "grown up", doesn't imply that you are to old for old traditions. Your grandma just hasn't adapted to the idea that you need your personal space. From the looks of it, she just wants something to do. She is used to helping you with everything. Instead of feeling like you have to abide your grandma, why not help her find something to do? She probably has hobbies that she would love to do again. Keep her preoccupied with something she likes, so you both can benefit. Just remember that she won't be here forever..... Good luck.
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Old 09-05-18, 02:56 AM   #6
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

Originally Posted by NeverGonnaDance View Post
tired of hearing her snore
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Old 29-05-18, 04:57 AM   #7
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

Your reaction is totally normal but one thing or another your grandma is not getting any younger. Try to take it on your advantage and treasure every moment you spend with her.
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Old 18-09-18, 11:58 PM   #8
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

It's normal. Relative to your grandmas age, you are really young. My grandma is already 85 years old and she still treats me as if I were a 12 year old. It gets annoying but my dad says to just let it be because she is already old and in her eyes, we will always be children to them. It also doesn't help that our grandmothers seem to be Asian and in Asian culture, you are not yet a full grown adult until you start having babies of your own!
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Old 05-11-18, 01:15 AM   #9
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Default Re: How do I make my grandma realize I've "grown up"?

To your grandma you'll always be her baby, all grandmas are the same. But she obviously loves you a lot and i think she'll understand if you tell her the truth. Be gentle though but be honest.
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