Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Novanter · 04-01-12, 11:12 AM

Well, as you probably know, I'm not the one who often asks for help, is this 'big publicity', just when it's serious, and since it is now, I'll ask for advice. I'll write details that I have never written to anyone (at all).

It started two years ago - my war with myself, and it's going to end soon. War, where my enemy is my own barian. War, where I accepted (with a lot of Teen Forumz's help) my sexuality, and myself. Now, my heart wants to come out of the closet, while my mind tries to stop me. I see both sides very well, I've been debating with myself for months, but I just can't decide. I realized I really should decide very soon, because I started to hurt my own body (refusing food), and it's not good for my mental health either... I feel like time is up, and I'm just totally unsure.

I want to come out because my chances to be taken is zero, and I really want to be with someone - I know it sounds silly, stupid, but I simply need to be in love and to be loved to be complete and fine - I am a person like that.
Also, I want to cut lying - I can lie, however, I hate doing that every single time, it simply upsets me that I can't be myself, and my words (IRL, of course) are my mask's words (I act all the time, I don't even feel I'm real when I'm not with my friends who knows that I'm gay).
Then again, I want to be myself, not proud of myself, because I know that the fact that I'm gay doesn't make me special, or better then others, to state it every single day - or show it. I don't want to go in rainbow clothes, of course not. But, I want to be myself.
And, I like playing with open cards (again, no lies). And, simply, I don't want to worry about this at all.

That's why I want to be out (not even every point) - but I said I see the other part as well...

However, even if I could deal with verbal bullies (there've been rumours 2 years ago, and I didn't care about it, and they stopped), but what if it all becomes physical? I couldn't deal with it, I'm a weak one. That's a huge fear of me.
Also, discrimination - I believe I do not need to explain this. Okay, I live in the better part of the world, in the Western Civilization (Europe + America), so I'm not that much afraid of that. But still... what if? It's not totally banned in Hungary.

Okay, I have friends behind me, who, I hope and I know that, would defend me, but still, I'm afraid those friends, who doesn't know about my sexuality, will hate me. I know it's silly fear, because true friends accept, but still, it's a fear that I can't defy with.

As you maybe realized, I'm really afraid, and broken, I want this to end, but I'm the reason who stops me from it. If it would be something else (like a threaten) - I wouldn't think, I'd stay in the closet. Sometimes I feel suicide would be easier, but I know that it's NOT a solution, I want to live. And 'all' I want (on this) is being happy and myself. Then I'll have tons of hope again, and I'll be able to be very optimistic again (even if I'm still optimistic, but I have darker parts).

I believe that this is the last, but obviously the hardest decision on my sexuality, and I would like to ask for your opinion: What should I do?
If you think that I should come out, then how? (I have ideas, but I don't think they'd be OK).

Thanks for help and advices,
Dan.

Tommy · 04-01-12, 11:48 AM

I'd tell you to come out, even though that would be hypocrticial of me. Most people, such as myself, can 'lie' and stay in the closet and not think twice about it. However if it's make you feel like a liar and/or judge yourself then it's really not a good thing to do.

So you're worried about physical abuse? Well, your dad is in the police, so I doubt they'd get away with it. But all that aside, when people thought you were gay 2 years ago they didn't hurt you physically then so it might not be much different now, right?

If you're not OK with coming out and you'd rather feel this self-pitty then I think you should continue to stay in the closet otherwise you'll just regret it.

And then the refusing food thing. This classes as self-harm if you're doing it for the damage side and not the weight loss side. If so, self-harm comes with loads of issues because that can become addictive, and also lead to cutting etc...

Anyway, I'm not an expert on this and I'm not too good at giving advice so I'll just leave it as that.

Flame · 05-01-12, 01:23 AM

1. suicide is not an option.
You are 16. If you are really worried about the people around you physically harming you, perhaps you could wait until you are at the age where you can move if it goes bad? Like 2 years? That way you wouldn't have to worry about telling people quite yet. Or, you could go ahead and tell your friends and if it comes out and someone asks, just tell the truth about it.

Vampenstine · 05-01-12, 01:35 PM

*I haven't any experience with anything like this, so I may not be looking at this the right way and my input may not be the most helpful...*

If it is making you feel this bad, and basically making you self-harm by refusing food , I say come out.
"Haters are gonna hate", but you have a right be to who you are and be happy. There will always be people out there who will try to discriminate, who will give you a mouth full of verbal and will try to put you down, and sometimes what they say can be really hurtful, but believe me, it's better to stand tall and not let them win.
If you get any physical abuse, go straight to the police.
If you get any verbal abuse, you can go to the police with that too.
You shouldn't have to live your life in fear of being who you are because of someone else giving you shit over it everyday.

Quote:

then how? (I have ideas, but I don't think they'd be OK).

What where your ideas on how to come out?
It doesn't really matter too much how you come out, just make sure that you are comfortable with it if you do.

If you'd rather not come out right now, then don't. Do what you're happy doing, 'cause at the end of the day, it's you that has got to make the decision and the results of it.

This is about the best I can give, I'm sorry that I can't help more.

Novanter · 07-01-12, 11:10 AM

First of all, thank you for you help so far

@Vampenstine: There've been rumours, there will be again, maybe just confirming them? Or a coming out party? I don't know :/

@Flame: I know that suicide is not an option. I'm more rational that that - I'll never commit suicide

I need to add that my mother knows about it, she's totally unsupportive, but I have several friends who know that I'm gay, the ones who I really trust (they'd behing my back - I hope)

Vampenstine · 14-01-12, 05:09 PM

Sorry @Novanter , Never got a notification for the mention.. Strange

Both sound like good ideas, if you're going to confirm any rumours that may go around, make sure that they're actually accurate though. Somewhere along the line, someone is likely to add something untrue to it, so just be careful. They are rumours, after all.

I hope it all goes well for you, you'll have to let us know how it goes

Novanter · 18-01-12, 12:30 AM

@Vampenstine: Now, I didn't get the notification XD

I know about the rumours, they are, sadly, pretty accurate. But yeah, that's it.

And of course I'll tell it on Teen Forumz how it goes. Well, I don't know when, but I want it in this year...