Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Or, in general, having manors.

As you all may or may not know, I'm probably one of the most unlady-like women on the planet. I dress horrible, I'm a slob, I talk like a hick half the time (not in that fine 'ol refined Southern belle drawl), I curse - a lot, and I'm a rude bitch most of the time.

But, really, do you - any of you - honestly think that I would act that way to someone I was just meeting?
No, of course not, I may act that way 5 minutes after meeting them, but not at first.

Nevertheless, I may not act like a lady most of the time... that, however, does not mean I don't know how. I'm in the current process of learning Southern Etiquette for a Lady. Why? Some of it is for fun, the rest could actually prove useful to me in real life.

Okay, so my point to all this is - everyone tends to ask me why I act so polite. Either that or they give me weird looks and then I become the crazy one in the group.
So, have things gotten so bad to where you can't respect anyone or give some respect unless you're either holding or starting up the end of a 9 Mil.?

When I go somewhere with guys, I expect them to hold the door open for me. At times, I return the favor because usually there are two doors we gotta go through.
For the most part though, this doesn't happen. Men are jerks today and I'm gonna blame women for letting them become jerks because used to - men had to work harder for our attention and affection. Now, they don't, which means they have no reason to treat us nicely anymore which then lead to women being accepting of being treated like shit just so they could get into a relationship.

I grew up in a horrible place, but once there was this guy who was always trying to get on my good side.
Well, after about a year of constant rejection (this guy was so persistent and dedicated, I'll give him that) he finally caught on to what I wanted him to do to get my attention.
One day he held the door open for me and I told him thank you - and boom, it finally clicked in his brain.
Afterward he started dressing a little nicer, pulling out my chair for me, holding doors pen for me.
However, I really had no interest in the guy so out of the kindness of my heart, I let him down gently.

And then wouldn't you know it? He went on to get another good looking girl who took notice of him while he was trying to impress me.

So at least my stubbornness made on couple happy I guess.

I like Gentlemen. I didn't really grow up around Gentlemen. So in all honesty, that is what catches my eye.

I have manors, I know proper dining, I know how to sit and act like a Lady with every so often and just the right amount to get involved in a conversation about politics or whatever. It's basically, keep your mouth shut and listen and only speak when you have something relevant to add to the conversation.
I know how to wait on people, every time I have a family gathering - I am one of the ladies serving drinks and food while most the men get settled to watch whatever game that may be on.
Very rarely do I ever sit and watch the game either, unless I happen to be sitting with the other children.

When I'm done, I ask if anyone would like some dessert - normally it's one of cousins, older or younger - it doesn't matter. Since, unlike the rest of the woman, I'm not married so I don't have one I feel obligated to cater on.

Catering on isn't exactly Lady-like either by the way, it's just something I grew up seeing all my family do and that's what I feel I should do as well.
I also do it on a regular basis at home when my mom is busy doing something else, I always give my dad his drink and food and try (not in that order).
I think it's something polite to do, however. Seeing as how the men are usually involved in whatever is on and I'm not.


Okay, I'm trying to say that having manors and acting like a Lady or Gentleman isn't a bad thing. Honestly, I think the world would be a much better place if people could learn a thing or two from it.

I just can't stand it, it just seems like having manors today is considered bad.

i dont believe in stereotypical gender behavior. simply keep an eye on it, not step on others feet. that already fits to get along with each other.

I actually disagree with this statement. I understand where your coming from, but now-a-days it seems to me that there are a lot of other factors women consider before even thinking of dating a particular man. Does he have a car? Is he financially stable? If the answer to those is "No" then they're likely to not give the bloke a chance. Perhaps I'm just getting the wrong impression from all the different forums I read, but it certainly seems to be the case a lot of the time.

Anyway, on topic...

I suppose you could say I'm a Gentlemen. I always hold the door open for people, purely out of politeness rather than to "impress". It's just the way I am. I'm sure there are many other guys like that out there.

Now, I've read that some men are concerned about acting like a Gentlemen. I think it was because they don't want women to think they are just doing it to impress them, rather than just doing it anyway. That's possibly why we don't see it much now, I don't know.

'ey, at the end of the day, you're the better person if you're being polite and acting like a Gentlemen/Lady.

I agree with you to a certain extent. But I think what people need more is just general manners and politeness. A lot of women have made it difficult for men to take the more dominant role in a relationship and even do little gestures like holding doors open for them because a lot of women feel the need to be very independant these days. Saying that though I do find old fashioned gentlemanly behaviour very charming.

Well, I do to a certain extent.
That's not what this was about though.

But it's true.
When people lower their standards for quality, people don't work as hard.
Also because otherwise men would be working a lot harder for us. Now they just think they can get it all if they walk up and ask "wanna go do the nasty?" - a lot of the time the girls just say okay.
Anything to get a man.

No, that's what people looking to the future think.
Most girls only care if they are a guy or not these days. Otherwise I wouldn't see a bunch of girls going out with low-life trash.

It is meant to be polite. I was just saying it's one way to impress me.


Exactly.
Honestly, I like it when a guy takes the dominate or leadership role. It just means someone as emotionally unstable, like a lot of women are these days, doesn't have to make major decisions.

This is where I disagree. I agree that men in general should probably learn from the past and treat women with a little bit more respect when it comes to small sweet gestures like opening doors for them but in general I think relationships need to have a mutual decision making process at all times. This will just probably end up striking up a feminisim debate. To sum up, I just mean people in general can be very emotionally unstable regardless of gender.

Women are more emotionally unstable because of hormonal imbalances. It's called Estrogen and if women ruled the world there would be one war every single month and it would last a hell of a lot longer because women carry grudges.
Men tend to be more logic oriented.
That's not what I mean by major decisions. Once upon a time, whoever got more income was generally the major decision maker in the household. Why? Because more of their money was going to be spent.

I'm not saying some men can't be emotionally unstable, as a matter of fact a lot of guys are conditioned to be so in these times. It's just that men tend to be more logic oriented where women tend to be more emotionally oriented.

Feminism is about women thinking "We're equal but I'm still better than you". Which is exactly what Lilith [en.wikipedia.org], the icon of Feminism, believed. And then she went on to become a bride of Satan and a demon.
Unlike Eve, Lilith was made from the same things as Adam - therefore she did not want to take on the role of the supporter. It was a case of "we are equal, therefore I make the decisions".

Nevertheless, that isn't the point. I don't give a fuck what women do, I do give a fuck about how men treat me though.
My point is, men should take the leadership role as that is what they are more biologically inclined to do. Women take the more nurturing role as that is what they are biologically inclined to do.
The two work together.

But isn't part of being in a relationship to build up a future together? It just seems to me that the days when people dated someone because of who they are are long gone. Now there's load of other factors people (particularly girls, though this is only from what I've seen) take into account.

Kinda off-topic.

I get what you're staying but I still don't entirely agree. Yes, women do tend to be more nurturing and caring in their nature but I actually think in society as a whole we've progressed from having that sole provider and decision maker in the home. And personally any relationship I've seen where that is the case hasn't been that successfull because the majority of women will never be happy to just play that role. Anyways, each to their own. Back on topic..I agree, gentlemanly behaviour is never a bad thing (:

Huge generalisation right there. Some immature idiots probably do enter into relationships for pure selfish reasons but in general that obviously isn't the case. Personally, I'd choose a guy who makes me laugh and respects me over a guy who had a lot of money any day.