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I am like getting so sick and tired of my friend putting up offensive things or saying them. He'll say, "I didn't mean it toward you..." But like, It's still offending ME because your saying a racist thing toward MY race. How would he like it if I were doing the same thing back? Right, I wouldn't do that because I am too nice of a person to do a motherfucking ignorant thing like that even though I'm a total bitch and I don't like being bothered whatsoever most of the time. I have been so pissed off, upset, bitchy, attiudish, etc. lately, it's not even funny. I am tired of ignorant, selfish people. I am tired of people in general. I just wanna close myself out from the world but I can't do that. But nope, I hide my anger behind a damn smile every single day. I tell people that I am fine when I actually feel like just bursting out in tears and just anger and stress that I have been holding in for the past few months. Everyone knows me as this nice, kind, mature, helpful girl but I just feel like what's the fucking use of trying to be nice or ANY of that anymore when people take your kindness and use it so they can get to use you. I am tired of any and everything. Everything annoys me, I don't wanna be bothered, I don't ever wanna be bothered. I can't get up do the fun things I do because everything is about money. Not one thing. But NOPE, I sit everyday baring it with a smile on my face because I am hiding what I truely feel to the world. It's what I have been doing and I am sick of hiding it, It's just gonna make me burst into pieces..
And I am a smart enough person to not go out and get drunk to make me feel better because it'll mess me up mentally even worse. I think about it, but I won't do it. I think about going to get counseling when I really need it but nope, I hold that off because I don't feel like getting rained with questions by my whole family because it's gonna come down to them knowing. Yeah, I really should be talking to them about it but I get this feeling they aren't gonna be easy on me. I deserve it because I have been stupid for letting people run all over me in the first place.
Well, That's all I need to get off of my chest. Thank you for reading this if you do. I just needed to rant because I have been keeping this away for so long. T_T
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with racism- though it is receding, it is still a sickening habit amongst a lot of people. You need to explain to your friends that you will not put up with that shit. Nicely, of course, but if they do not comply, I would call them out on in a yelling rage. Further, if it is simple jesting towards ones religion, race, etc. amongst friends, and it is acknowledged as jesting and the person it is being aimed at doesn't mind, thats different- however, you seem to be in the earlier category. Let them know you don't find it funny, don't find it nice, and you won't take it.
On your money issue, well, it sucks to need money/a car for a lot of things. I can totes relate. Further, don't always hide how you feel- if you do not let it out, you will explode, as you are now. You can't avoid the world, nor vice versa- we're social animals for a reason.
Best of luck- I will be glad to listen if you need anymore help, just drop me a line.
"A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance".- T.S. Eliot
Hear, Hear These people really need to learn. Like this girl I've known since she was 4 used a racist word to some boy who's meant be her boyfriend, then she comes up to me and goes "I'm sorry about that, I was just using it for defense." And I was like: "Well, how would you like it if your friend (who's black) shouts racist thing at YOU and then goes to your BF and says "I only did it to shut him up", then your friend went "Okay" and pretended that nothing ever happened."
I understand. It's so annoying, especially when everyone sides with the racists. I've never said anything racist and if I did, I bet the whole school'd hate me for it (though the school hate me anyway because it's a racist school, the only reason why it's 'the best' is because they don't have any black people to leave behind and discriminate again (so they don't come to school and lower the school's attendance) and they don't accept many problem kids (not so they can mix with the rest of us anyways) they just stuff them all in one class and send them to events and everything rather than their much needed lessons).
I'd stand up for myself by saying "What the heck/hell/(insert anything else here) was that for?" If they say "Just joking" then say "Well I don't see anybody laughing. Looks like that was a crap joke." Then see what else comes out of their mouth.
I spent the first year being the nice girl of my class and I really regret it. I wish I could start those first few months again (or I should've just acted stupid and done rubbish in my entrance exam, so they'd put me in the class I'm in now) so I could smite those girls down to nothing like they've done to me and then see if they get accused of being autistic because they don't want to speak with the classmates who are bullying them.
Now that backstabber who was my old form teacher is now an Assistant Principal. It shows how far racists get in life...
Today's Toppers
Seriously?!
These people really need to learn. Like this girl I've known since she was 4 used a racist word to some boy who's meant be her boyfriend, then she comes up to me and goes "I'm sorry about that, I was just using it for defense." And I was like: "Well, how would you like it if your friend (who's black) shouts racist thing at YOU and then goes to your BF and says "I only did it to shut him up", then your friend went "Okay" and pretended that nothing ever happened."
