We all know I'm not exactly the most normal person in the world, but this is just stupid!
All I said was that I disassociate myself from sex by often calling it intercourse and that I feel no really connection to the act. That I only see it as a means to the ends of procreation and nothing more. And I said "amazing and sex contradict each other TO ME
" and this guy acts like I didn't say the bold part. As if I'm saying it's universal or something, which I'm not! Granted I don't understand why people find such an act amazing, for the same reason I don't understand why some people like to collect bugs. You can explain it to me all you want, I won't understand it. It just doesn't make sense to me. Because it's so revolting to me, I can't understand it. At least not fully.
Well anyway, so then he insults me by saying I'm not normal or mentally healthy (yeah, even though countless therapists and psychologist have said I'm one of the sanest people they know - partially because I'm not obsessed with being liked by others and I'm confident). Not normal, not all that unstable, just different but it's not bad at all.
And this is what he said to me (keep in mind, he butted in, I was actually talking to someone else):
You are wrong. "amazing and sex" do not contradict one another...it is only that way for YOU perhaps. But as a Clinical Psychologist I see your rationalizations as nothing more than a highly compensated character disorder to a degree of severity that being asexual is now ego-systonic. Sexual dysfuncitonality (such as these rationalizations you express, is actually quite tragic, for not only is this joyous experience denied you, so too is deep emotional connectivity. You are not merely asexual, you are also distant, unreachable, and would find very little pleasure in any deep meaningful connection. I would also suspect (if you are honest) that you tend to be a "perfectionist". I would not be bragging if I were you, I would have a Psychologist refer you to an Analyst.
I am distant, i know this. For good reasons too. I can't get close to normal people, it makes me unhappy. People have to have a certain quality that attracts me to them. I can't really control that, kinda like how I can't control my taste-buds. Somethings just don't flow with me.
Tragic? Hardly. It's not a joyous experience to me, it probably won't ever be either. I'm denying myself a horrible experience, not a joyous one. I can't really figure out why I don't like sex either, i doubt anyone else could. It's not genetic, it was probably something that happened to me when i was younger. But I've already gotten past what went wrong in my childhood. Then again, I got past it by realizing they were horrible people and that being accepted by horrible people in turn makes me a horrible person. Or at least, somewhat. Their acceptance would disgust me, why would I want horrible disgusting people who abused me for being a little different to accept me as being normal? If they are what's normal then normal is disgusting.
See, I could actually think as a child. i could put two and two together. I didn't have any desire to be accepted. I never relied on anyone emotionally, as a result I had to stand on my own, I figured it out. I gained critical thinking skills and the ability to rationalize because I didn't have a group to give me constant confirmation of my being - to reassure me that I was normal.
No, I was alone more or less, so I observed others my whole life and realized what was wrong with the world. Pack mentality is to pick on others, singled out, who don't fit in. Because they don't fit in, they don't have a pack, because they don't have a pack they can be easily taken down by a group of predators. It's basic bullying mentality.
It's not that hard to figure out. Generally, individuals are targets for this reason and beaten into submission, made to think the problem is them. But you see, I always stood up to people like that, people who were "normal". That made me far more abnormal, even amongst the abnormal. I wasn't beaten into submission likes others were and still are. I rationalized the situation. It helps that I've always been headstrong, but still...
I never once had the desire to be accepted by anyone, the thought never even occurred to me as child. I was a little afraid that people wouldn't like me because I rather hated having shit thrown at me and hated getting beat up. But that was the root, the root was never the desire to be accepted. I just didn't want to be hated. I wanted to be left alone, nothing more.
I realize it's abnormal. Loners and introverts only make up 1/3 of the population after all.
Well, this is going to end up longer than I wanted. Basically, I'm happy being different and abnormal. I'm happy not being apart of a hive-mind (humans were never meant to have that anyway and are incapable of doing so naturally). I love being an individual.
I'm happy with the way I am. I don't like society most of the time. I don't like our sex-obsessed culture. I don't like normal people (I don't hate them though).
But no, because I don't like sex that OBVIOUSLY must mean I'm an unreachable miserable person who'll never find joy in being with anyone and is incapable of connecting emotionally with others. [/sarcasm]