Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Hey, dudes. So this is my first post here.. I know I should have done an intro or something first but to be honest I just want to rant somewhere and get all of these feelings out of my head. I don't think I even need advice I just need somewhere to vent. I just.. Ugh.

So to start with - I have the worst luck with guys. Ever. I never get anywhere with the guys I like, and the guys who do like me are either usually pervs, or people I'd prefer to keep as friends rather than something else. And when I do actually get along with someone, and they get along with me back, there's ALWAYS something that stops it from continuing.

The latest case of this being - My flatmate. Oh yes. Classic case.
So ever since I first looked at my flatmate I've had a slight crush on him. (God, that makes me sound pathetic). I moved away from home about 2 months ago because I started Uni, and so I share a floor with 6 other people. Anyway, back to the rant (which is probably going to make me feel even worse).
So basically I fancy my flatmate, which is a bad thing in a first place, since everyone knows how bad that can end up. And to make things worse, he has a girlfriend, only she lives back in Ireland, where he originally lived before moving (or at least I think she does, he doesn't talk about her, I only know about her because of Facebook).
Out of the 2 closest friends I have at Uni he is definitely one of them, which makes it even harder. We get along well, a bit too well.

Now before I go any further please take into account that I DO NOT want him to break up with his girlfriend for me. Nor do I want him to cheat. I'm not like that, so please don't think that. I just want him to be happy.
As I mentioned before, he doesn't really talk about his girlfriend with me. In fact, she's only came up in conversation for a split-second twice. Once when he mentioned her by accident (he mixed his words up), so I don't even know if that counts. And the 2nd time when I mentioned her, to which he gave a one-worded reply and that was that. Basically she's not a common topic, so I know hardly anything about her. Probably just her name at that.

For the past 2 months I've been trying to get over him. I've been telling myself that I'm not allowed to like him, as it's just making me want something that's not going to happen. That I shouldn't mess up such an awesome friendship because I can't control my emotions. I've been trying to look at guys that are not taken instead in the same light, but it's just not working out. I mean some days I'm able to block out my feelings, and then it just keeps rushing back. I hate emotions, they're such a hassle. The thing is, we do kind of act like a couple. We tease each other all the time. When we drink we end up lulling over each other or just having our arms round each other. We just act really cutesy. Which just makes it even harder for me to get over him, but at the same time I don't want it to end.

To make it worse people have been making comments about our friendship for ages. I'm trying to forget about anything romantic, and my Dad mentions us getting married because of the way we joke-argue. Or, when I came home for 3 days, my best friend picked up on him texting me all the time and said 'Ooh~ I think he likes you'. I know they're saying it as a joke, and they don't mean anything by it but AGH. NO.
And the thing that makes it even more confusing and stupid is that sometimes it does feel like he likes me back. Or maybe not even just sometimes. But that's not allowed, it can't happen, so I try not to think about it.

But the thing that spouted this whole rant is something that happened yesterday. In the evening me and my other flatmate who I hang out with a lot were in the kitchen on our computers as per usual. My mate checked Facebook at some point and (remember I mentioned that he doesn't talk about his girlfriend other than on Facebook) it said that he'd broken up with his girlfriend. It was.. shocking, to say the least. I was really surprised. Kind of ashamed to say I was a teensy, tiny, little bit happy, but in the most minuscule way possible. Most of me felt really bad for him, so me and my flatmate made a pact to just act normal and pretend we hadn't seen anything and just continued doing what we were. Soon enough he came in, silently got his books and walked out again. Was a tad awkward, understandably. Though, the rest of the evening was confusing, as he was oddly cheery. About an hour afterwards he came in and was joking and just being normal, maybe even a little more teasy towards me than usual. (We tease each other a lot. And I mean a lot). He was just, being really cute. And maybe subconsciously it got my hopes up (though I was mostly just confused).
It just.. I didn't know what to think. Just. Agh. He's so confusing.
Then during the rest of the time I was kind of disbelieving. Had it really happened? I kept expecting him to get back together with her within a few hours, I had to keep checking. Just, agh. I didn't know whether to feel confused or just generally excited that for once I might be able to get with someone I genuinely like and feel comfortable with. (Though obviously I wouldn't make a move straight away. And I know I was being optimistic, but for some reason I couldn't stop it. It was just.. so surreal). And then this evening (and I suppose this is really what triggered this rant, he got back together with her again. I saw the little update thing when he was sitting right opposite me, I wonder if he saw my expression.. Or if I even pulled an expression.. It just, wow. It was so weird, I felt so deflated and just.. sad. It was like this whole thing had happened to make me feel crap,(though obviously it hadn't, it had nothing to do with me). It just, wow. But I tried to act happy anyway, like nothing had happened, like I hadn't seen anything. I laughed and went along with jokes, and I didn't leave, and tried not to look unhappy.
And then my other flatmates left, and then he left, and then I left, and here we are. Me, begin sulky, typing on my bed like a loser.

I just needed to get this out. Sorry for the extra long post, you don't even need to read it. I just, don't tell this kind of thing to people, I don't cry a lot and I don't have anywhere else I can rant. I just needed to get it out of my system and there was no other way. So yeah. Sorry. I'm probably going to regret this later..

Right, back to being the friend with no emotions.

A reply.

A scolding for the insensitive reply above.

I'm sorry, :/ I know that must be difficult situation. Probably wouldn't hurt to discuss it with him. If he is having issues with his girlfriend, there is a good chance they will break up again, you know.

a tough situation...hmm

i dunno you need to draw a line in the sand maybe?

I really think you need to try and get over him. If I were his girlfriend I'd be a bit hurt he was treating you that way and well, he's only going to hurt you more if you don't pull yourself away. I think you need to stop with the teasing/flirting, it won't help you.

Thanks for the advice guys (: I kind of did try all that stuff. With the stopping the teasing and all that. It kind of worked for a while, then slowly built up again, by accident :/

Anyways, I decided to update on the situation because it's changed quite a bit. He and his girlfriend ended up breaking up another 2 times after that, and being his friend I tried to be supportive, and make him see both sides of the story. I even convinced him to give her a second chance.. But eventually they broke it off clean due to trust issues on her part, and they haven't been together for over a month now. And since we've been getting kind of closer..
Anyway, the main thing that spouted this post was about a week ago. For most of last week he'd been acting really odd and stuff, and then on Thursday morning I got a text.

The first one asked me if I liked someone else who I hang out quite a lot with, I replied back with 'Not really, just as a friend. Why?' And then he went on to say that he's liked me for sometime and such n such. It took me by surprise, mostly. But it did make me insanely happy, as well. So basically, that next 4-5ish days after that we've just been doing cute stuff, and watching movies and all that sappy stuff <: Kissing and cuddling and all that malarkey.

But then a couple of days ago it all switched over and now we're back to normal again. I try to be cute and he doesn't respond the way he did before. To be honest it's making me feel kind of crap. Like I was just a fling or something, or if I did something wrong. He's also made plans to see his ex on Sunday (turns out she only lives a train ride away, not where I originally thought) to 'talk things out with her'. What does that even mean? ._____. Was I just some random thing? I just.. aghhhh.
I'm just really confused because he doesn't seem like the kind of person who would do that, at all..
I don't know what to think, or do, or whether I should ask or say something. I've typed out this massive text in case I decided to confront him about it but I dunno if I can send it .____. I'm a wimp.
I don't know what to doooo T____T I just have all this stress already, and now that this has happened it's just made it all worse..

This should probably be moved back to the Relationship forum, IMO.

Anyway, yes, it's really not fair what he's done and what he's doing, and I'm sure you know that. It doesn't make him a bad person, but he's obviously confused and is making some really serious and annoying mistakes concerning the people who care about him.

You have no choice but to sit him down for a talk. Please don't do it through texting. He needs to be able to see how you feel, and he needs to face the reality of this mess he's creating. This won't get resolved any other way.

It doesn't have to be a "confrontation." You just need to tell him how much you care for him romantically (assuming you still do), and tell him you really need to know what's going on. You deserve to know.