Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I'm really annoyed right now.

I'm in the exact situation I didn't want to be in and it feels like every time I fear something - it comes true.

I was living with my boyfriend because my parents split up, this is everything I could of hoped for - living in a nice safe environment with the boyfriend I love.

My bf has NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder and a week ago he just flipped - kicking me out and breaking up with me for no reason.

Things are slowly getting better now but I don't ever know if we'll get back to where we were.

So I've had to move back home - which is a really bad idea because my parents are trying to work things out and me being here seems to just make things hostile.

My boyfriend expects me to be perfect, and if you understand anything about NPD I sort of have to be if I want to be with him and my parents expect me to do everything for them because of their own frustrations they can't seem to do anything for themselves.

I feel like no one wants to give me back what I've been giving them.

I know it's selfish to want something in return but would it kill someone just to make me feel the least bit loved for a change?

/endrant

Ah, Anna. It's not selfish at all to desire them to give something back to you. We are all human beings, and we all desire affection. It's one of the basic elements for one's healthy development and we easily go down without it.

This situation is very frustating indeed. Your boyfriend's disorder is really serious, NPD can make one anti-social due to being too obsessed with oneself. But remember, the goals he'll set and the things he'll request from you are completely unrealistic, and impossible. No one is perfect and you have to set limits to how he can treat you and how he can't. I understand you love him, that's fine, but do not let yourself be treated like less of a person because of your feelings. A relationship is a two-way road, you can't hold everything on your own.

As for your parents, there's not much I can say since I don't know the situation. But remember, they'll always be your parents, and while your boyfriend may not be there forever, your parents will always be your parents. Try to sympathize with both, open up to how you feel to whoever you're closer to, and try to keep calm. Don't let the issue with your boyfriend interfere with your family. Family is family.
If those violent reactions of his are too frequent, I'd advise to consider not living with him at all, because how can you feel confortable living with him if you never know when he's going to treat you like that again?

Of course, in the end it's always your decision. But, think wisely, and remember you're important too. You can't be happy if you don't take care of yourself.

"If I do good, people might accuse me of selfish, ulterior motives, but I will still do it. Because I believe no one is malicious, not in their core, in their raw being.
The best in them is clouded by sorrows and fears, take those away and you'll bring out the brightest of lights in them.
Because no one can be happy without being kind, without giving ourselves to another, and we all love to give ourselves, it is our true nature.
That is why, even if I might get disappointed, I'll always give the best I've got. A single candle can light a thousand others and still burn." - Skezra

Thanks John that's some really good advice and that does make me feel better

My boyfriend is away on holiday out of cellphone range so it's good we're having a bit of a break at the moment

I can just really get sick of the verbal abuse from my parents and the way my boyfriend handles things

I'm nice and caring and I don't retaliate but nothing I seem to do is working

I'm just finding it very hard to be strong at the moment

I've tried to talk to my boyfriends mum about things but of course she's in denial about his NPD and says things like "your mum and dad can't really be saying those awful things to you"

Why would I bother making it up

If I wanted to lie, I'd make out my life was better than it is

It's quite a complicated situation. And it's good that you're nice and caring, the world needs people like you. We make the world warmer. But not retaliating can really make things worse for you. Of course, by retaliating I don't mean that you should verbally abuse them back or curse at them, but just draw the line on how you allow them to treat you.

You're not only a human and a person like the rest of us, but you're an individual, with hopes and dreams and fears and everything about you is unique in your own way. Would you let yourself be treated below that because of their own insecurities and their own problems? Of course it's fine to try to help them with their problems, but only when it's bearable for you.
It's good that you're taking a break from your boyfriend to think things out. But, I'd really advise you to take a stand and defend yourself. If you can do that, there won't be a reason to have to remain strong anymore. If you just stay quiet and suffer, you'll just be buried deeper.

And well, there's also nothing much you can do to convince his mother about his disorder, unless you get him to a proper psychiatrist to diagnose him and show her the results. If he's not been diagnosed, it's hard to even know if he has it or not. We can't just guess a disorder, since we human beings are way to complicated.

"If I do good, people might accuse me of selfish, ulterior motives, but I will still do it. Because I believe no one is malicious, not in their core, in their raw being.
The best in them is clouded by sorrows and fears, take those away and you'll bring out the brightest of lights in them.
Because no one can be happy without being kind, without giving ourselves to another, and we all love to give ourselves, it is our true nature.
That is why, even if I might get disappointed, I'll always give the best I've got. A single candle can light a thousand others and still burn." - Skezra

Anything I could say is meaningless because @Singularis has said it all...Amazing <3<3