Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I don't think you're 'too thick to understand'....I do think you're holding yourself back. It's not a problem of understanding, it's a problem of action!

She likes you b/c of the signals she's sending....talking, smiling, etc. or, we know she doesn't dislike you, b/c typically when someone dislikes someone else, they don't talk with them, or smile at them, etc. They tend to avoid them, and she's not doing that.

It's interesting you use the term 'stalker'. I wouldn't exactly use that myself in describing your actions, but at some point, your obvious attraction to her as well as your unwillingness to be more direct with her might be seen as a bit creepy by her...which would kill whatever good feelings (and prospects!) you might currently have with her.

It's OK to move this along a bit....

Thanks again Sam, I needed some advice like that

Action? Meaning I should be more....."Myself"? Active? towards her?(Also, I think I'll call her "JW" from now on, so we know what I mean)

Hmmm......Actually, one of the main reasons I originally posted this was after observing 2 cases near me.

The first involves my best friend(Girl) and another friend(A). B used to like her, to the point of freaking her out, to the point of her then-boyfriend shouting at him. Afterwards, he calmed down, but stil liked her, and she knew it too. But they remained on good terms. Until about a year later, he said the magic words again. She said NO! again, and from then on the two don't talk. She says she's willing to be friends again if he just didn't have those weird feelings for her.

The second involves a girl(Blue) and another friend(B). B liked blue, so he asked her out at the start of winter break. She said no. But B sometime later revealed(To her, I'm not certain, but everyone knows) he's going to ask her out again afther the college exams, and he's getting negative words because of that. Blue has a bright, cheerful nature and she still talks and plays with him. On the surface, it looks like nothing happened, but under the surface everyone talks bad about B.

All four of them are in the reading room program.....Here everyone gets friendly with each other, gets to know each other...Sometimes more than neccesary.

In both cases the girl forgave(?) them on the first occation, but the one with the second attempt didn't work out well. And probably in both cases, the girl doesn't/didn't like the guy.

So when originally writing this, I thought about this. And, since we're in the reading room, if something bad happens, it's bound to get leaked out, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable again. Which is probably the main reason I've been acting tentatively.

I think you're 100% right on that Sam....Because that pretty much sums up my actions 2 years ago. Reflecting, I should have been more outgoing at that time.....But my friends say my confidence to do what I did was still creditable. Maybe so, to ask a girl who's never been close with boys, let alone had a boyfriend or anyone take interest in her...But I think not.

Well....I think I'm posting here because you are the one who's willing to help me on this Sam

Maybe it's time to be more direct with her, as in "I'm happy to see you!", and/or "are you free to go for a walk/get a bite to eat/go to the cinema?"..you know, move things in a direction that would help you get more time and more friendship with her.

With everything in life, there's a window of opportunity. Those who are most successful aren't necessarily the most capable or smartest or best looking..but rather those who can perceive that the window is their and take the opportunity to make *whatever* happen for them.. being int he right place at the right time, and knowing that. Perception, awareness of life's opportunities, is the great equalizer...it gives you the ability to take your best shot, even if you might not feel you measure up in other ways.

As they say, time's a wastin'.

Hmmm......So that's what you think. Since you've givin me good advice, I have no reason to distrust you, but its been a while since I've gotten some "be-direct" advice.

Also, doing something direct will, in other words, cross a line I've tentatively not crossed since 2 years ago. Kinda thrilling and to be honest, not much to lose. The college exams are in 99 days; after that, hardly any school. But crossing the line may mean.....making her uncomfortable again, which is what I most definately don't want(As its the reason I stopped 2 years ago)

These days the "opportunities" I'm catching are the times I can get her alone, but I guess, under good guiding and careful respect, I'll advance them.

Also, what do you think of the two stories in my previous post? And how connected they are to me?

Thanks again Sam, I really can't express how grateful I am on computer keys.

I appreciate the vote of confidence here! Internet advice is tricky b/c the validity of the advice is based on not only the info that the other person provides, but some sense of them as well. Without that interpersonal context, it's sometimes tricky giving good, accurate advice.

But in your case, I'm not at all suggesting anything really radical. Talking with another person (who just so happens to be a girl) more and expressing your interest in her is pretty basic (at least in Western cultures). I think part of your reaction might be that cultural piece (which I can't really respond to b/c I'm unfamiliar with it being a New Yorker!), and part of it is that you seem to radicalize this yourself by using words like 'Confront' her, or 'Cross the line'...it sounds so ominous, when in fact, the substance here...just talking more and building on that slowly, is anything but! Even in Eastern cultures (like Korea) boys and girls get together, and in order for that to happen, someone has to move things along, and I suspect it's the guy. So, the issue is how to translate your interest into action, and the first step there might be to see it as "Normal", rather than radical. Then, to make a plan build things slowly with her to avoid the pitfalls of moving to fast.

I didn't respond to the 2 examples you listed b/c I don't see the relevance to your current situation. Her reaction to them seems based on the particular guys there in question, so it's not indicative of what you could expect by doing something totally different.

You're not doing anything here other than advancing your friendship by slowly building on what you have. You're not 'asking her out', nor are you planning a future with her, beyond the moment!

May I humbly say you're very Smart Sam I think you are very good at understanding me!

I think I'm actually overreacting here, because as you said, there really is not much difference between West and East. She's always been a sensitive topic to me, so my choice of words tends to be.....like that.

I'll try to see it as normal, after your advice, as well as my first-hand observation with B and Blue. Quite unlike me, I usually get along great with girls

And yes, it's the guy who's supposed to make the first move

Finally, right now advancing my friendship is my priority, as you said. The main reason (to me, and to an extent her) is because of the college exams. Because to both of us, getting into college is the most important thing right now. That's why I said in one of my past posts, I'm planning to wait until they're over.

Thank you again Sam; you've been answering me for a very long time; this post has gotten quite long!

Errrr......Could you give me some simple pointers to start with? I'll think out the rest.

On a side note, I saw she was sleeping after arriving late at the reading room. So I gave her some sour candy(100% sure to goive you the jolt to wake up), to which she groggily expressed thanks. Those particular sour candy have a special meaning in them

The best pointers are the easy, obvious ones the other person gives you, those signals I was talking about. So, 1) You're both preparing for exams, and 2) She's visibly exhausted from that (falling asleep in class is a cue!)---------> Ask her to go with you for a coffee! Talk about the grind of preparing for college, where she wants to go, what she wants to study, etc. Easy! Because it's just so natural, you're talking about a shared experience.

Usually when I talk with her, I talk about ordinary things like that. For example, where she lives, the short dinner time, what subjects she's studying, how and where she's planning to go to college Actually, besides ordinary, both-can-talk-about things are all I've really talked about with her.

But for the second part of this year(Vacation ends next week!:() we don't have exams, and her classroom is far from mine(If you need so, I'll explain it more throughly) and unless 1) She keeps doing the reading room or 2) She come to the reading room, which is near my class, every day or 3) I consciously go to her classroom, there's not much chance of meeting her. Darn....

But after 3 weeks in the reading room and observation, I think today's the day her friend isn't around after dinner. So I'll catch the chance.... Pity I'll not be able to read your reply till much later.

Thanks again Sam

"It's sure been nice talking with you in reading class, I will miss that! Can we.......(you fill in the blank here)." Again, another easy one.