Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Hi guys, I was wondering if this(The title) could be possible. First I'll explain my story...

2 years ago I really liked this girl. She wasn't in my class, but we have transfer classes, and as our seats were next to each other, we got really friendly with each other, and before I quite knew it, I liked her insanely.

Unfortunantly, I didn't have much experience with the whole asking out thing(She's the second girl I've ever REALLY liked) and due to several factors of me being stupid(Making her feel uncomfortable, not behaving like myself, etc) I really screwed it over. But she forgave me in a very kind way, at that time saying "Let's just be friends". After that, I decided to let the matter drop, and we hardly really saw each other, because we were now on different floors. But she never ignored me, and to this day we still greet each other. I thought I didn't have feelings for her anymore.

But two years later(Now)....

Now we're on the same floor, and we see each other nearly every day. I know this is crazy, but I like her again. I really can't fathom why. She must have this strange attraction that pulls me toward her But now as I see it, liking her actually makes my life easier. Last year, it was a huge pain to pull away, try to dissolve, crushes, but when I like her, I don't see any other girl, only her. And because of that, I feel less self-conscious and more confident.

Anyway, more to the point: I like her, and I would like to ask her out again. I don't have a problem with nerves(Strangely enough, when I'm around her, I never get nervous, though my heart sometimes speeds up) but more about....ethics? Since I once asked her out, but got turned down, I shouldn't try again? Then again that was two years ago.....

But also, one problem is, in fact I don't know that much about her! Although I'm usually very good at finding stuff out() she's the only one I've never been able to really know.

So I guess it really boils down to this;

1. Try again. Ask her out. But be more confident and yourself this time, and try to think from a different point of view. And finding some more about her wouldn't hurt. And if she doesn't this time, THEN get over her.

Or...

2. Forget it. You tried once and it failed. She will not comply the second time either. Besides, how can you ask again after you got turned down once? Your high school isn't the place for romance.

What do you recomment? I'll consider any suggestion seriously. But I hope it will be specific.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

I think the first thing you need to determine is why you like her. As you haven't liked many girls - just two including her - it might be beneficial to understand what you find attractive in a girl. If you find that you're very picky and specific when it comes to attraction, it could explain why you're so fiercely attracted to this girl even though you don't know her so well. Although this might not apply to you, I'll say be careful: you don't want to get too fixated on one crush that seems ideal to you, because it could be the concept (or 'idea') of her that you're finding attractive.

Having said that, it can't hurt to find out more about her and see if you get along well and have things in common. If you find that you really appreciate her company and value her personality, I'd say try asking her out again. As you said, her refusal was two years ago and a lot changes in that time; particularly people! Just make sure that you're more sensitive this time and prove that you've matured.

STOP. ARE YOU READING THE ABOVE POST?
If not, do it. I'm beginning to get the impression that 50% of TF is populated by literate parrots/sentient mirrors.

Hi and welcome!

Can I offer a third option for your consideration? Maybe just befriending her without the "Going out' part. That would allow you to gradually get to know her (and she, you), without the unnecessary stress (and risk) of 'Asking her out'.

FWIW, I really believe a lot of guys really do put way too much stress on themselves by seeing only the extreme option of starting with an exclusive relationship (which is what 'asking out' really is). And although there's the understandable part of wanting that, the security of exclusivity, it's also premature to expect it right from the start.

So, why don't you just start to befriend her and see what develops?

Thanks for the replies. Both truly make a lot of sense, and point out the things I should consider!

First to Bambi Vision's reply:

Actually(Sorry I wasn't specific the first time) I've had an interest in several girls before, but none had really sparked real passion but two. I don't think I'm that picky

And for the second part of your reply, I guess finding out more about her is important. More on that below... No actually, I think it's critical too:laugh:

Spock:

You've made a good reply, I don't know if I can reply to it very well

First, you reminded me(And truly, thanks for that) about my best friend. She's a girl! I got to know her by accident last year, and I admit I did have slight feelings for her at some point, and I'm fairly sure she did too. But after getting to know her more deeply(Family, inner mind, worries), I found my attractions drying up, but we just got closer! In the end(And still now) she's the one at school who I can truly trust and confide in; she's a great friend! And I don't have feelings for her, and it doesn't hurt! Also, since she's a girl, she can tell me stuff about girls I can't read

But also, two years ago, I got to know her when I sat next to her during a class. Before long, we were really hitting off, but at that time I didn't really think about knowing her specifically. So technically we were friends, and before I started liking her(Which was a long time after I got to know her, not immediately). I truly appreciated her company and her personality. We got along well. That was what made me like her, not her looks. And as I said before, it was I who screwed it up

And after considering both your replys, I guess a compromise of the two would be befriending her again first. While talking to her doesn't scare me, I guess I'll have to think of a way to do so. Hmmmm.....

Still, thanks for the replies, you've really nailed some important parts I didn't think of

And while both bambi vision and Spock have given me great advice, I'll still be open to different opinions of advice.

Thanks(A third time) guys, and everyone, have a nice day!

Okay, it's been a long time since my last post....I guess we've all been busy I've just had my exams(which is related a bit to what I'll say) and have a small amount of free time to write this..

Due to my exams, I went to my school reading room to study and mainly get help from my smart friends, and by chance or not, she was there too, studying with 2 of her friends.
On the first day, I studied in the same room, and since she was having quite a lot of fun with her friends, I left her alone. However, I did put a bar of candy on her book when she temporarily left her seat, and since I have good side vision, I saw her looking at me after picking it up. And later that day, I went out for a break, and she was talking outside with her friends. She was eating the candy I gave her, and asked me, "You gave this?" I nodded, and she said thanks while nodding understandingly. Of course; I was the only one in the room who would do that Afterwards, wishing each other good luck, we parted. I have to admit at this point that while I considered her nice, gentle, pretty, mature(She's not young-looking for her age I admit) and hot(), when I saw her eat the candy, she was cute.
Yesterday, the day before the final 2 exams(We take 1~3 every day), I went there again, and there she was. This time she was in the main reading room, away from her friends. First I snuck up on her() to say hello. And since I always carry food with me in case of emergency(Longer school hours, no lunch money, hungry friends), I had some sour candy with me. I gave her some(She never refused anything I gave her) while wishing her good luck on her final exam, and she vice versa.

So in short, these days we seem to meet each other a lot, maybe consciously on my part. And really, I have no adversity in talking to her. But there is a thing I'm not sure about. It can be said in two ways:

1. She doesn't seem to interact with boys much. She only boys I've seen she interacted with include me and a few of my friends. She is usually(95% of the time) with at least another girl friend of hers. I guess she's not that open to boys yet, but since I don't know too much about her, I may be wrong.

2. 2 years ago, when I first liked her, she liked stars. When I overheard her talking, about 50% was about which star she liked, why she liked him, etc. The same as before, since this was two years ago, I don't know if she's still like this.

To sum it up, she was a typical "young girl": uninterested in boys her age and near-worshiping stars. To think of it, most of the girls I had crushes on had this type of thinking

And to end my posts, I guess I can befriend her again. And while in the past 2 things bothered me, if she has changed a bit in two years, and I'm a bit different(More myself) this time, do you think I have a chance.

Sorry; this thread is messy because I hadn't much time to summarize it into words, but I'm hoping something ca be extracted from it.

Again, thank you for reading, and have a nice day

You're thinking waaaaay too much about this, and in the process you might be missing what's actually going on! SHE LIKES YOU!

I don't know what your definition of a "Star" is, but someone who leave a candy bar, or offers sweets, fits most girls definition of 'Star'...as in 'desirable'. Who knows what she was drawn to as a kid a couple of years back, but as people get older, the things they appreciate become far more mature, and typically 'caretaking'/'loving'/attentive' are all pretty much at the top of the list. And, it would seem as if that fits the description of your behavior towards her here.

As I said in my previous post to you, I think you're freaking yourself here with the next step b/c you think, like Superman, you have to take a giant leap here by "Asking her out" You don't, you're not ready for that, forget it. What you can do is start talking with her more and interacting more. She seems to be giving off all the right cues that she's OK with that.

Get to know her, silly.
Gradually speak to her more frequently in person. I tend to find I can get really close to people with HUGE in-depth online conversations, so try that. If you work really well as friends maybe a little down the line you could pluck up the courage, but don't jump in now.
I know I couldn't be in a relationship with someone I couldn't be friends with.

How do you know her only fascinations are these stars? Speak to her properly then see where you stand.

Yes, I guess I'm thinking about this quite a bit....But yesterday the words really just flew out of me with no order

I guess I didn't underline this well, but really, talking with her doesn't scare me, and for the "Big Leap" that is, asking her out, that doesn't really scare me either. When I first wrote this post, my original intention was simply to find out whether doing so would be unethical. But I did get a lot of good advice, thank you You guys must care about me!

Sorry, that was a bit off the point. More to your reply...

Okay, first I guess I'll talk with her more. Maybe ask a question about her whenever I catch her alone? Getting to know her....Now I think of it, it's the trickiest part Not many who can help me, and many who will MIS-interpret me. Not helped by the fact I've disactivated my cell phone and I don't use the internet much(Really, this forum is about it these days)

Well, tough luck for me I guess

Of course we care about you, silly...why else would we be spending our time helping out?

Well, all that technology gets in the way, anyhow. You'll just have to do it the old fashioned way: face to face!

Start off easy here, say 'HI!" smile a lot, and compliment her on something, then talk about that. Don't spend too much time, either, a lot of guys don't know when it's time to say 'bye' and move on, you do this when there are awkward gaps of silence.

Remember, the strongest houses are built one brick at a time. So, each opportunity with her is but one brick, but they add up.

Wow....That was certainly a very quick reply!

Saying hi and smiling is something I, and she too for that matter, do whenever we meet. But we haven't had long conversations(Except for one 2 years ago)

I guess I'll compliment her on her height first; she's nearly as tall as me, and I'm short(Meaning she's tall for a girl)

Besides that, do you think I should ask small parts about her too? Because as I said, I dont know that much about her.

Since we haven't talked long that much, there haven't been awkward pauses. She, on her part, has told me her phone number and birthday without blinking. Never refused anything I asked of her, actually

One brick at a time....In this kind of case, I am most definantly able to exercise patience I was thinking about taking this slowly, and do the actual thing after our college exams.

Thanks again!