Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Ok, where to start...

around a month ago, i broke up with my GF of 15 months. The split was very amicable, and we both stayed friends afterwards.
The reason for the split, was that she said she was totally confused of her feelings for me and didnt know if or not she loved me anymore, so as a solution, i said that we should split, so that she can get her head in order and see what happens from there.
I also told her there and then that i still loved her with all my heart and that if her feelings should return, to tell me...

A month has now passed, and in that time, it has been made quite apparent that her feelings are not going to return and that we are over, but i still have the huge issue of still being in love with her, and i am finding it very very hard to try and find a way to get over her, even if i look at a picture of her, my heart goes and i start getting very jealous over it.

I have tryed many ways to try and get my mind off things and start to move on, but nothing seems to be working.

One example of this, is i went upto london with a good mate of mine, we chilled in some arcades and watched a movie, which really helped me keep my mind off her...
The backfire... i goto sleep that night only to dream of her and cry my eyes out over losing her in my dream...(i find it almost impossible to cry in reality, i havnt shed a tear of sadness in almost 3 years, yet i cry in my dreams very easily..). i didnt cry when we split up(only in that dream), though the shock of it has hit me many times, causing me to go into repression and sadness...

another being i threw out all the cards and stuff she gave me telling me that she loved me, looking at it was just too hard for me..

i have tryed just not talking to her, but because i dont tell her that im trying not to talk to her, she ends up talking to me about somthing, which, starts the cycle again

i really dont know what to do, im trying to get over her, but it seems that everything i do is reminding me of her and all of the good times we had together.
The relationship we had was, in my opinion, almost perfect, we never fought or argued, we never had fallings out or anything, we were very close and she was always saying how she wanted to be with me forever and that she couldnt be happier, we also lost our virginity to each other the day before my 18th...
The end just came because she said she had lost her love for me, though she did make clear that she still cares for me alot.
She even still wears the necklase i gave her back when we were together still to this day, but it hurts even more to see her wearing my necklase while messing about with other guys..

i personally think that reason we split, was because she started to become distant from me while she was prepping for her exams, to which i gave her some room for a while so she could concentrate on them. This "room" is i think what caused the rift to appear and spread, as she said she shut off all her sexual feelings etc, just to concentrate on her exams, which i totally respected, and so i left her alone...

when they finished, she was no different to when she was studying for them, so then i knew somthing was wrong...

this then lead to the split mentioned at the beginning of the post.

i really dont know what to do, i still love her to pieces, but its obvious she does not share this back anymore, i cant goto alot of my friends because they are on her side, and i met them during the time i was together with her, so they wont be able to help, if anything they will just end up telling me to leave her alone...

Im starting to lose it...please, help me >_<

First, welcome to Teen Forumz, I'm Sam, and I'm going to be your server today...lol!... I'm sorry we're meeting under these circumstances, maybe you'll find today's special (me!) somewhat soothing.

Rule Number One in any relationship is never offer a choice (or suggestion) you are not completely willing to accept.

Although it's understandable why you'd suggest a break up, you really didn't want her to accept that, you weren't ready for that, nor did you want it. Making observations about a deteriorated relationship doesn't mean you have to offer the most extreme response to it. If life had a rewind button, I'd go back with you to that convo, and instead of offering the end, to ask her what you need to do to help her and the relationship get back on track, and work on those things. However.....

People don't just stop loving each other, real love is pretty enduring, it's based on deep stuff not typically affected by superficial things, like school stress, etc. yes, those things can distract, but they don't change what's underneath.

I suspect that, at 18 or so, the 15 months you were together resulted in you guys just growing apart, you're both really different than you were when you started at 16, it's a big time frame developmentally. So, although it might seem as if she 'stopped loving you', or that her exams got in the way, maybe she just changed as she grew up a bit. If that's right, then there was really nothing you could do to fix things, the problem isn't some weirdo behaviors that gets on her nerves, it's that you're fundamentally different people now. Sadly, that happens. I'm sorry, it doesn't help the pain much.

I'd recommend you treat this as you would any other loss, you weren't expecting, or wanting this, and you were completely unprepared, so you're in shock here. Be nice to yourself, surround yourself by people who can support and nurture you (even if you don't talk with them about all this), and with time, it will begin to fade and be more tolerable. People survive loss, you will, too.

With time, you'll feel better and find another lucky lass, one who (and I know you cannot hear this right now) is a newer and more improved version of what you had b/c she's starting out with you as an adult, not a 16 year old.

Until then, may I offer dessert? Sounds like you need something sweet.

hey

thanks for the advice, though 1 thing i didnt mention, is that, while i am 18, she is only 17 at this time, so when we first started dating, i was 17 and she was 15 (as her bday is only 2 months behind mine

i think what you say holds true, maybe she just out grew me and wanted to move onto better things, and it was a nartural progression, and one that i am going to have to accept

thanks for the advice

Wait. "Outgrowing" someone isnlt necessarily a good thing. Nor does it necessarily mean that she'll find someone 'Better".

In life, especially in relationships, timing is everything. This just wasn't your time with her. But it will be with someone else, who is perhaps going thru exactly what you're going thru right now.

there is a huge backstory to how we met and got to know each other, so even before we started dating, we were very close friends, and it was only after we actually started dating that she admited to me that she had fallen for me about a year back, but had kept quiet because she didnt know how i felt...

i dunno, i think what you saying holds true somehow, maybe it just wasnt the right time...and maybe the next relationship (whenever it might be), it will be even better than this one was ^^

I know you can't hear any of this now, but the next one will be better.....

..trust me on this...