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What do I have to do to get it through his head that it's not okay for him to look at other girls, then look at me and tell me to get tits and asses and faces and bodies like they have?
I've been crying for the past hour, because I have such low self esteem. And he hasn't been helping lately.
For real. What do I have to do? Slapping him obviously didn't get it through his head, and neither did leaving him. So, what the fuck?

Has he literally been saying those things to you, or is it more implicit?

That's a completely unacceptable attitude for him to have, and I'm not surprised that your self-esteem has been affected; he's your boyfriend and he's supposed to be the person that makes you feel beautiful, be it through telling you directly and often or more temperate methods.

I think it's important that you tell him precisely how you feel when he does that, and let him know that it isn't nice, fair, or even socially accepted. He deserves to treat you with respect and refrain from making you feel inadequate, not just because he's your boyfriend but also because he's your friend.
Do you know why he can be so vain and cruel? Is it his inherent attitude, or something learned?

If he's not making you happy, and if the relationship isn't making you happy, then leave him. I'm not 100% sure of your situation with him, although I know leaving him could be complicated ... in which case I'd suggest a long-term break in lieu. If he wants to fawn over other girls, fine: he can do that when he's single and with his male friends, not when he's at risk of upsetting or hurting you. I'm sure he'd soon realise how shallow he is.

STOP. ARE YOU READING THE ABOVE POST?
If not, do it. I'm beginning to get the impression that 50% of TF is populated by literate parrots/sentient mirrors.

Amber, hun....

I agree with Kerry here, I think a very straightforward chat (minus the outrage!) is in order. Stephen doesn't get a lot of emotional things that are going on with you, and he doesn't seem to appreciate the impact some of his comments (and attitudes) have on you. He needs some enlightenment here, give it to him. Gently but firmly.

i think that you should talk to him and make him realise that is not cool .. try to put him in your situation to make him realise that he probably wouldn't like you to say that to him... id needed cry in front of him to see if he realises that you mean it and that really hurts

I'm not going to waste time typing because you said it perfectly.

His father is the same exact way with his girlfriends, and he was the same exact way with Stephen's mom. So that would be my best guess. Like father, like son.

But, Daniela is right. He has done things for me. He bought a house when I was homeless so I'd have somewhere to go. He supported me when I was unemployed. He does basically everything for me.

And you can still appreciate that; still be grateful to him. But if the relationship's making you unhappy and he's treating you badly within it, it's not reason to stay. It's not about being indebted to someone or what you give and take materialistically.

Can I ask, do you stay with him purely because you feel like you owe him, or that you're dependent on him? I'm not trying to be offensive and I'm not doubting your feelings for him, but there's a common theme to your threads about your relationship and that's that he often hurts you, be it deliberate or otherwise. I know that I have a one-sided perspective because this is the place where you rant, but I get the impression that you're still with him out of a mixture of gratitude, low self-esteem, and the knowledge that leaving him would be complicated. Obviously you have feelings for him too, but my point is that he doesn't act like a boyfriend ... he acts, like you said, like a supportive crux. A friend perhaps. Not somebody romantic or someone that makes you feel good about yourself, not someone that has eyes only for you etc. etc.

STOP. ARE YOU READING THE ABOVE POST?
If not, do it. I'm beginning to get the impression that 50% of TF is populated by literate parrots/sentient mirrors.

I don't feel like I really owe him anything. I'm grateful for what he's done for me, but it doesn't go past that. And, I'm not dependent on him. I have a few friends that I could choose from to stay with, also my grandma, if we ever broke up. I'm staying with him purely because I love him and I'm not giving up on this so easily. He's not the only one causing unhappiness. It's rarely him. It's usually my anxiety, stress, and jealousy, which I'm going to be working on.

omfg thats so sad.. ditch that wanker!

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