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Relationships, Dating and CrushesDating and relationships forum. Seek dating advice, relationship advice and chat about your crushes on our message boards.
I was quite surprised by Spock's words above, but I then realized he connected previous posts by you.
I'll be more careful and say: How people take your behavior depends on your environment to a great extent. What is 100% OK in some environment will make people look very badly at you in another.
But I have to say, that given the threads you've started and the questions you're asking, I'm pretty convinced that you're on a safe path towards quite a few unpleasant situations. Unless you live in Brazil or in a similar environment, I would bet on people getting a very mistaken view of who you are.
Don't get me wrong: I have no problem with anything you've mentioned. But there's always a soul out there to twist things around, and make you look like, how shall I put it, a not-so-respectful girl. Gossip has its own way, and it has nothing to do with your intentions nor the truth. So be careful with that, OK?
How can I avoid the unpleasant things? what are ways to save me from? do you mean rape?
I never sleep with anyone, people never see me in bed anyway, not a slut! My friends wear smaller skirts than me :( I am nice to everyone :(
It's not just about sleeping with people, it's about how you come across in everyday situations. Your idea of "nice" might be someone else's idea of (..ugh how do I say it?) "slutty", for lack of a better word. You could have completely innocent intentions, but other people aren't always going to see it that way. You think the guy who's knee you sat on may think of you as a sister, but it could have been because he was horny and got a kick out of you sitting on his lap, god only knows. If he said something like "yeah Isabel sat on my lap today. it was totally hot!", it doesn't make you sound very good. Things like that spread really quickly and could end up giving you a bad reputation and making you lose people's respect. It's not right, but it is likely to happen eventually.
Also, you don't have to sit on people's laps or get really close to them to be nice. There are many other ways to be nice that don't give you a bad reputation. Offer advice, say hello in the morning, let people borrow your pencil in class, ask about their weekend, etc etc etc!! Being nice doesn't mean doing things you're uncomfortable with to make someone else happy. That's called letting people walk all over you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by isabel
How can I avoid the unpleasant things? what are ways to save me from? do you mean rape?
You can avoid unpleasant things by steering clear of the situations that lead to them. Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right then get out of the situation.
Everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to say, and Spock has made an observation that you should be aware of, which is the situations you put yourself in.
Next week you may end up at a (male) friend's house, in his bedroom, whilst he was naked lying on the bed. Are you going to come here and ask whether that's acceptable? I think you need to learn for yourself to avoid these situations.
It appears to me as though you have no concept of a limit when it comes to your 'friendly' interactions with men. The chances are, the reason why you keep finding yourself in these situations is because these men know what you're like and can get away with it. To other people your attempts at being friendly with everyone may be seen as an attempt to get...do you see where I'm going with this?
In regards to the original question, and disregarding your past threads, I'd still say it would be unacceptable to sit on a guy's knee if he's in a relationship. It doesn't matter about your intentions, or his, but people will perceive the action differently and it may get you in trouble (or, more-so him, as he's the one in the relationship).
Take a step back and make a note of what you're doing. Something isn't right here and you should be aware of that. At the age of 14 you should know some limits by now.
It's not just about sleeping with people, it's about how you come across in everyday situations. Your idea of "nice" might be someone else's idea of (..ugh how do I say it?) "slutty", for lack of a better word. You could have completely innocent intentions, but other people aren't always going to see it that way. You think the guy who's knee you sat on may think of you as a sister, but it could have been because he was horny and got a kick out of you sitting on his lap, god only knows. If he said something like "yeah Isabel sat on my lap today. it was totally hot!", it doesn't make you sound very good. Things like that spread really quickly and could end up giving you a bad reputation and making you lose people's respect. It's not right, but it is likely to happen eventually.
Also, you don't have to sit on people's laps or get really close to them to be nice. There are many other ways to be nice that don't give you a bad reputation. Offer advice, say hello in the morning, let people borrow your pencil in class, ask about their weekend, etc etc etc!! Being nice doesn't mean doing things you're uncomfortable with to make someone else happy. That's called letting people walk all over you.
You can avoid unpleasant things by steering clear of the situations that lead to them. Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right then get out of the situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirk
Everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to say, and Spock has made an observation that you should be aware of, which is the situations you put yourself in.
Next week you may end up at a (male) friend's house, in his bedroom, whilst he was naked lying on the bed. Are you going to come here and ask whether that's acceptable? I think you need to learn for yourself to avoid these situations.
It appears to me as though you have no concept of a limit when it comes to your 'friendly' interactions with men. The chances are, the reason why you keep finding yourself in these situations is because these men know what you're like and can get away with it. To other people your attempts at being friendly with everyone may be seen as an attempt to get...do you see where I'm going with this?
In regards to the original question, and disregarding your past threads, I'd still say it would be unacceptable to sit on a guy's knee if he's in a relationship. It doesn't matter about your intentions, or his, but people will perceive the action differently and it may get you in trouble (or, more-so him, as he's the one in the relationship).
Take a step back and make a note of what you're doing. Something isn't right here and you should be aware of that. At the age of 14 you should know some limits by now.
^These. We have some real talent here, listen to them.
Isabel, try to remember that the people around you are often thinking other things about you based not so much on what you mean by these things, but based on what you're doing...as the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words". people cannot read yor mind, they do not know your thoughts, feelings, or wishes (unless they ask). Rather, most people infer the meaning based on the obvious...the way the person acts. You're acting in ways that are not only a lot different than what you want, but also in ways that give people..guys..the 'Green light'
Think not just about you, think about them, what they might be thinking.
Everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to say, and Spock has made an observation that you should be aware of, which is the situations you put yourself in.
Next week you may end up at a (male) friend's house, in his bedroom, whilst he was naked lying on the bed. Are you going to come here and ask whether that's acceptable? I think you need to learn for yourself to avoid these situations.
It appears to me as though you have no concept of a limit when it comes to your 'friendly' interactions with men. The chances are, the reason why you keep finding yourself in these situations is because these men know what you're like and can get away with it. To other people your attempts at being friendly with everyone may be seen as an attempt to get...do you see where I'm going with this?
In regards to the original question, and disregarding your past threads, I'd still say it would be unacceptable to sit on a guy's knee if he's in a relationship. It doesn't matter about your intentions, or his, but people will perceive the action differently and it may get you in trouble (or, more-so him, as he's the one in the relationship).
Take a step back and make a note of what you're doing. Something isn't right here and you should be aware of that. At the age of 14 you should know some limits by now.
I think because guys are best to be affectionate with, it warms my heart when I am nice to them, like romance but just in the freindly way instead of fullon. I'm too sick of girls always I guess. I liked sitting on his knee to be honest
Yep limits is the key for sure for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylie
It's not just about sleeping with people, it's about how you come across in everyday situations. Your idea of "nice" might be someone else's idea of (..ugh how do I say it?) "slutty", for lack of a better word. You could have completely innocent intentions, but other people aren't always going to see it that way. You think the guy who's knee you sat on may think of you as a sister, but it could have been because he was horny and got a kick out of you sitting on his lap, god only knows. If he said something like "yeah Isabel sat on my lap today. it was totally hot!", it doesn't make you sound very good. Things like that spread really quickly and could end up giving you a bad reputation and making you lose people's respect. It's not right, but it is likely to happen eventually.
Also, you don't have to sit on people's laps or get really close to them to be nice. There are many other ways to be nice that don't give you a bad reputation. Offer advice, say hello in the morning, let people borrow your pencil in class, ask about their weekend, etc etc etc!! Being nice doesn't mean doing things you're uncomfortable with to make someone else happy. That's called letting people walk all over you.
You can avoid unpleasant things by steering clear of the situations that lead to them. Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right then get out of the situation.
Ok I see how you mean, no problem like helping someone with homework etc or sending them an email instead of letting them touch your legs which can be being walked over. My gut just likes guys too much i guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spock
^These. We have some real talent here, listen to them.
Isabel, try to remember that the people around you are often thinking other things about you based not so much on what you mean by these things, but based on what you're doing...as the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words". people cannot read yor mind, they do not know your thoughts, feelings, or wishes (unless they ask). Rather, most people infer the meaning based on the obvious...the way the person acts. You're acting in ways that are not only a lot different than what you want, but also in ways that give people..guys..the 'Green light'
Think not just about you, think about them, what they might be thinking.
Guys are so nice to me so its hard to say no, they are not saying no to me :( but for sure I know its not safe to give the green light. I don't know anyone in my life that says the things you Spock and Kaylie and Kirk said, so thanks for influencing me wisely
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirk
Try not to triple-post in the future. There's a multi-quote feature for a reason.
Ok I see how you mean, no problem like helping someone with homework etc or sending them an email instead of letting them touch your legs which can be being walked over. My gut just likes guys too much i guess.
Exactly I understand that it's partly because of the hormones and everything but you need to know when to say no as well
sounds like u got sum really good advice and u have taken it really well too ... most of what i was gonna say has already been said ... jsut wanna add that sum guys (both taken guys and guys w/o gfs) are nice and give alot of hugs and have friends that are girls sit on their knees and stuff and others are huge-ass flirts who don't care about girls at all ... ik sum guys that bet other guys who will get the most #s or even hugs in a day ... maybe the guy just wants to talk to u and his gf is ok with it or maybe he told one of his guy friends "watch i'm gonna get isabel to sit on my knee" ... so just be careful and get to know guys before you do anything with them (even just sitting on their knee) .. if u trust them and u trust urself and uk ur not hurting the gf then sit on his knee
Exactly I understand that it's partly because of the hormones and everything but you need to know when to say no as well
Its funny with the hormones, it makes your mouth all loose from drooling over him being so cool (not to be romantic just for generealy liking of guys).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cougar88
sounds like u got sum really good advice and u have taken it really well too ... most of what i was gonna say has already been said ... jsut wanna add that sum guys (both taken guys and guys w/o gfs) are nice and give alot of hugs and have friends that are girls sit on their knees and stuff and others are huge-ass flirts who don't care about girls at all ... ik sum guys that bet other guys who will get the most #s or even hugs in a day ... maybe the guy just wants to talk to u and his gf is ok with it or maybe he told one of his guy friends "watch i'm gonna get isabel to sit on my knee" ... so just be careful and get to know guys before you do anything with them (even just sitting on their knee) .. if u trust them and u trust urself and uk ur not hurting the gf then sit on his knee
Thanks i think its good to improve urself by advice my ass isnt huge so if he is a huge ass flirt he will not like me for reasons like that, he just wants a hug pretty much and sitting on him is easier to hug that way..
I'm not sure of him saying that about "me sitting on his knee" he seems more sophisticated and not like other gguys. i dont see his gf but i would like to be her friend if pozzible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iMpAkT
you can't sit on a guy's knee, that's just weird. you sit on a guy's lap, that makes more sense lol
Today's Toppers
Re: ok to sit on a guy knee?
hi! im isabel nice to greet you!
Re: ok to sit on a guy knee?
like helping someone with homework etc or sending them an email instead of letting them touch your legs which can be being walked over. My gut just likes guys too much i guess.
I understand that it's partly because of the hormones and everything but you need to know when to say no as well 
(not to be romantic just for generealy liking of guys).
