Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

so me and my boyfriend have kinda been fighting a little bit.
and the other night he got mad because i didn't want to sneak out, which is pretty much the stupidest reason ever.
anyway so he told me last night that he did sneak out that night and picked up this girl (who has a boyfriend, and is his friend) and took her around on his motorcycle and stayed out with her til 4:30am.
it upset me alot but he doesn't understand why because they're just friends and she has a boyfriend.

do i have a right to be upset here or am i out of line?

Of course you have the right to be upset. Our emotions aren't always logical or reasonable, and if something upsets you it's better to be honest about it rather than bottle it up or pretend otherwise.

Personally, I can understand why you're upset: it sounds as if he made a point of describing his evening to you, how much fun he had, how it was just him and this other girl on the motorcycle having fun and being reckless until silly o'clock ... And if that's not what he did, that's how you feel. The other girl, although she has a partner, spent an evening with your boyfriend that should have been yours if anyone's at all, and you seem uninteresting and replaceable by comparison.
Do you think the root of your upset is jealousy, or a sense of inadequacy? Both are, imo, reasonable. But sometimes it's difficult for other people to empathize and realise where the upset has come from - in fact you implied in your own post that you perhaps shouldn't be upset because this other girl has a boyfriend, and your boyfriend's with you! That's not the point, and I think that if you explain your feelings and pointedly why you've got them to your boyfriend, it'll make you feel better.

STOP. ARE YOU READING THE ABOVE POST?
If not, do it. I'm beginning to get the impression that 50% of TF is populated by literate parrots/sentient mirrors.

I didn't want to read and run, so I'll just say all boys are stupid

hah, generalizing much?

well most boys i know are stupid.. not stupid like not smart, but jerks.

i just don't like it when someone generalizes a sex because of a few people. every person's different

It's not a few people, it's most guys all over the world being jerks. There's a minority of good guys. When I meet a guy, my first thought is not that he might be a jerk, I assume he's a good guy until he proves me otherwise.
I should've said "most" instead of "all".

Haha yeah, I would've agreed on most too

I think they call that a generic answer.

Anyhow, there is no "right to be upset". You are. Maybe your boyfriend could have anticipated that, and maybe he couldn't. The thing is, that if he does anything like this again, he's hurting your feelings on purpose.

There's a lot in this thread to be upset with, starting with this unprovoked response! It's unfortunate you feel this way, Eleanor, but I'd suggest you fish in another pond for a while before you become so sure and so bitter....and so alone.

Anyways, back to the OP: As TheGuy points out, you're entitled to feel anyway you want, there's no 'Right'or 'Wrong' when it comes to feelings, they just are.

Yours are based on his 1) Outright dismissal of you b/c you refuse to 'sneak out', 2) Him finding a substitute midnight play mate, and 3) His telling you about his escapade (or is it bragging?). These aren't very good things, and when we're exposed to them, we often feel 'bad'. So, yes, your feelings make sense.

You might inform your 'friend' here what your ideas are about commitment and fidelity and trust, and also let him know that the rules for playing with girls at 4 am are a bit different than playing with them during daylight hours. After dark is 'special' time, made more so by the forbidden quality of 'sneaking out' and 4:30am.