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I have had a flirty friendship with an older guy for two years now. We are both big time soccer players and have hung out on the field together, a lot. I am 16, he is 21. I am mature for my age, and have had a lot of experiences most my age haven't.

Anyway, I saw him for the first time in a while, and he informed me he will be an assistant coach for my team this year. He also showed strong interest in me.

The thing is, I like him, or used to. But I know liking him is... wrong/bad. Last year I was pissed because he was seeing someone and I managed to get over him... and now he is making it clear he wants more than friendship from me.

I want more. No doubt in that. But I'm not sure how much I can handle/should handle this... all. I'm just confused because it's weird having him act the most interested he ever has and I don't know how I should respond.

(btw he has the most beautiful blue eyes in the world, and the biggest passion for soccer. Two things I melt for.)

Hi Catherine, I'm Sam. Welcome to Teen Forumz.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're "Mature". To me, 'Mature" means knowing enough about yourself and life in general to know what works well for you and what you need to avoid, based on things other than urge or desire. It's about insight and self awareness. Recognizing that this guy is 21, yet dismissing that age difference doesn't qualify. You're responding here based largely on attraction and arousal, not insight.

There's a huge difference btw'n 16 and 21, more than 5 years would suggest. It's not only about life experiences, but also brain development, the ability to think and understand things, and deal with emotions ad feelings, the complicated types that occur in relationships. And although being with an 'older' guy is often reassuring, it also is complicated by the fact that you and he are very different. And those differences aren't just the result of personal things.

I'd recommend you like this guy as a friend, enjoy the common interest you have with him with soccer, but maybe not get too emotionally involved with him, even if you have a major crush on him , and he has gorgeous blue eyes.

I think that's what I'm the most caught up on. One part of me says no, he's too old and that I shouldn't respond. ...But another part of me IS attracted to him. And at times it's very hard to decide which side I want to follow, and what decision will be the easiest to live with... but I admit, I really do want to pursue some sort of relationship with him...

And note that I said friendship... we are friends. We have talked/hung out many times off the field. We have the same friends. All my good friends are 18-25.

There's only one part of you! And that's governed by thought and reason. You're responding to arousal. That's pretty powerful, but b/c you feel it doesn't mean you have to respond to it. You have to ask yourself if it's really a good thing for you to do.

You already have a relationship with him, It's unclear what (logically) you have to gain by responding to your arousal (attraction), how it would improve.

Having friends of any age is OK, but what you're talking about is changing it..changing the boundaries and with it, the expectations. That's the part that causes probs with such an age diff. When you change the relationship by responding to the attraction, you change the emotional boundaries, and the expectations. And, the expectations of 16 is a lot diff than 21, romantically speaking, as are the abilities to deal with the many complicated feelings that intimacy involve. That can change what you already have, and not for the better. Going out, being in an exclusive romantic relationship is a lot different than being friends, at any age.