Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

So, here's the deal. This is gonna be a long story so bare with me.
My boyfriend and I had a 6 day break which ended last Sunday.
EDIT: I should say that it was a break-up. Not intended to be a "break".
During that time, he was having sex with a girl (who I obviously don't adore...).
The day I came back home, he broke the news to me that he was with her that day and that he lied to me about the last time he was with her.
I got over that pretty fast. I wanted to focus on making things better between us.
A few days ago he went to hang out with his friend (who just happens to be the girl's ex). Okay, whatever. I didn't think much of it.
Until I saw on Facebook that she sent him a friend request (after messaging him and telling him that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore, because she was starting to fall for him when he took me back).
That was the beginning of my severe anxiety attacks. All the possibilities of where he could be going ran through my head.
He went out to eat with his friend and then came home, no problem. He told me he wasn't with her, and I believe him.
Then last night he told me he was going fishing with his friend and that he'd be home by 8pm at the latest.
I didn't have a problem with it. I was watching TV and relaxing.
9:45pm rolled around, and he still wasn't home, so I tried to call him to see where he was.
He wouldn't answer.
Cue anxiety attack.
I called him at least 20 times, none of which he answered the phone.
You can only imagine what I was thinking that he was doing.
At about quarter to 1am, he finally answered. Telling me that he was at his friend's house drinking, and that he's on his way home now, and how he was sorry that he didn't answer his phone because it was in the couch cushion and he didn't hear/feel it vibrating. Fine, shit happens.
All this anxiety of mine does is cause fights and stress between us.
I love him, and I want to be with him, so I don't want to leave him.
But things are way different now than they were in the beginning. I just hope we can work things out, because I'll be really depressed & disappointed if we can't.

...but are you sure he feels the same way?

Let's put aside where he's been going, for the time-being. Now, I don't know about everyone else, but one of the last things I would be doing is having sex with another girl so soon after I broke-up with someone I LOVED. I'm sure others would be the same. I know you were no longer a couple and therefore were free to do whatever the hell you two pleased, but it's worth thinking about how much he really is committed to this relationship. Does he put as much effort as you do to keep it going?

Now, let's look at where he's been. Isn't it logical that, if you told someone you'd return at 8pm, that person would worry if you hadn't 3-4 hours later? He had his phone on him; why didn't he ring you and let you know? It seems to me as if he was getting up to something (not necessarily with a female) and that he didn't want you to know about it. Perhaps he just doesn't care how you react? I can't possibly believe that he just "forgot" to let you know what was going on.

I'm beginning to question whether or not this relationship is a healthy and compatible one. There seems to be an awful lot of problems.

Myself, personally, would have ended this relationship ages ago. However, you're determined to make this work and I don't believe that the relationship is beyond "saving". You say things were way different in the beginning; what changed?



Not-so-helpful post from Kirk. Not quite sure what reaction to expect.

The only things that really changed is that his friends don't like me because he took me back. Why I'm responsible for that, I don't know. But he lets his best friend & his friend's girlfriend influence his decisions a lot. So I guess I'm just worried.

Listening to friends is all well-and-good, but at the end of the day he should follow his heart. He shouldn't allow others to influence his decisions, especially when they may effect his relationship with you. He needs to make his own decisions, because A) His friends won't always be around, and B) It'll give you a better indication of what he wants from the relationship, because his decisions are his own, not his friends.

You're not responsible for what others think of you; your only responsibility lies in whether or not you uhould stay in this relationship.

His friends are a little childish if they don't like you because HE took you back. You should ignore them and think of yourself as the better person.

Buttercup only i can say , its that your a very strong girl and put up with all this , but if you really love him , there you go. Fuck the people and their opnions , only thing that matters its your and his issues. Anyway, i hope everything work well.. you deserve it.

There is no chance in the world that I'll know what happens between the two of you. As a matter of fact, even if you and I sat down for a very long talk, there would be no chance I or anyone could give a definitive answer on where the two of you are heading.

But I would ask you if you tend to have unrealistic anxiety attacks. In the past, have they turned out to be for good reasons, or are they usually false alarms? I bet answer lies there.