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Relationships, Dating and CrushesDating and relationships forum. Seek dating advice, relationship advice and chat about your crushes on our message boards.
Right, I've got a mate who posted up on another forums asking for advice twice but the forum he picked wasn't exactly ideal and he was never going to get much sympathy there in a million years. So I suggested he signs up for this one. However he's reluctant to sign up saying he doesnt really want an account on here for whatever reason but still wants the advice so on his behalf I'm posting this up for him.
So to make clear to everyone who knows me on the forums:
This is not me asking for advice! This is just a copy and paste job of what my friend put on another forum. He wanted advice from here so I'm doing this on his behalf...:
"Okay, so the first thread was sent to Internet jail last week, due to one too many suggestions as to where I should put my John Thomas (I'm all for a bit of immaturity mind you). But just to update folks on where matters are:
First to those who don't know: Short story is: Met a bird. Get on great, as friends. Suspect I've been getting signals to make moves. Not sure. But really like bird, want to move things on to another level. Came here for advice (stop laughing) as to whether to come clean about my feelings, or leave things be. Don't want to lose her as a friend, but she's potential "the one" material. Consensus was I was being a fanny and should just be honest and risk the crash and burn...
So, where things stand now, are, we're meeting tomorrow. Now, am I going to raise the subject of courtship?
No. Why?
Complication! Got in contact with another bird, about an ad I'd posted on a Musicians classifieds a while ago (and got feck all response). We're meeting on sunday for a casual jam. So, I'm gonna delay trying to move things along with the current bird just for now, and see what transpires with this mystery woman, who I haven't met yet. But she's a musician. We may make beautiful music together. There may be chemistry.
So just on the off chance should I ask current bird out as courtship partner and she says yes, and then I meet this new bird and she's cracking, and I've kind of attached myself...That scenario is unlikely to be fair, and chances are it'll still be current bird that sends my heart all a flutter. But you never know. I wouldn't want to commit to something, then have to back out.
However I'm a pessimistic fellow. I'm expecting a double whammy crash and burn.
That's how things stand at the moment. Any advice as to where to go would be appreciated."
Incase you're wondering why he's looking elsewhere for advice instead of just going with what was put on the other forum, it's because the first 2 responses were...:
"I'd definitely ask bird one if she fancies a threesome with bird two (or just them lezzing it up if you're knackered after Saturday night beers with the boys)."
Well, Markus, all forums are not alike, tell your mate that. One needs to be somewhat selective where one asks for serious advice.
Second, if I remove all the Britishisms from this, what I, as a Yank, get is: Your friend is physically attracted to girl one AND two, and doesn't know what to do, being a reasonable guy who only likes one at a time and doesn't want to lead two on at once. Yes? This is internationalism at it's finest, this issue crosses all geographical boundaries!
If so, your friend should strike whilst the iron is hot..he should start talking to, and maybe suggest a meeting with, each girl as that possibility becomes available.
Until he gets to know them, what he has is all fantasy and desire. The soonest he can replace that with actual, on the ground reality, the better. So, he should get to know them both, with no strings attached, and no promises! It's just a get to know you get together. Soon enough, he'll know which (if either) lass is the 'One'.
(P.S. he's only a scoundrel if he develops feeling for one..and she for him..and continues to see the other girl. Until then, it's just preliminary).
Well honestly the should have anticipated such responses because of the manner he presented his problem. In any case. your friend shouldn't think about commiting himself to one girl so soon it would seem, especially if another girl entering the scene makes him start wondering "what if?" Take your time and get to know your musician girl and see if things will click together. Its not like you have to decide then and there, better to take it slow and see if this new girl can possible be more appealing than the first. The same holds true to the first girl he got smitten over, this a good chance to see how compatible they are together.
Imo this is an odd perspective for a young man to have because he seems very involved with the "one or the other" idiom. I think that it's first off important for him to know that meeting with the musician won't interfere with his feelings for the other girl, at least initially. It's possible to have feelings for more than one person at the time, of course, but the point I'm trying to make is that being friendly with them both is a more sensible and meditative option, rather than trying to decide which one he should 'pursue' without even knowing the musician.
If he really likes this other girl as much as his post implies, I'd suggest that he does ask her out. Normally when people suspect that there's a certain chemistry between them, there is! It's always worth being honest with someone about how you feel, esp. romantically, because you'll never truly know until you know. I also think that if he was genuinely interested in this girl, to the point where he sincerely does think that she could be 'the one', then he wouldn't be so concerned about developing feelings for someone he hasn't even hung out with yet! Ultimately he needs to decide how much this girl means to him.
And if on the off-chance she doesn't reciprocate his feelings ... well, there's always that risk. There are risks in absolutely everything that you do and if we let them outweigh the positive consequences we'd live very sheltered and passive lives.
It sounds like she's a good friend, anyway, so I don't imagine a rejection would completely ruin their friendship.
In short, there shouldn't be an issue here at all! If you looked at this situation from your friend's perspective, you could say that every single girl in the world would possibly be more attractive than the girl he's really into. It's all about potential.
Realistically, I think he should go with his gut and ask out this girl that he's apparently really very interested in. Despite what his post says, there's nothing to lose.
_______________________________
STOP. ARE YOU READING THE ABOVE POST?
If not, do it. I'm beginning to get the impression that 50% of TF is populated by literate parrots/sentient mirrors.
Not sure whether you're particuarly interested or not, but thought I'd keep everyone up to date. I showed him the advice you all gave him, he was grateful and wants to pass on his thanks, you were all a hundred times more useful than the other forum, I can vouch for that haha. He hasn't had a girlfriend in a very long time, but seems to be desperate to find "the one" as he puts it
Anyway, as he's not actually posting up here, once again this is only be a copy and paste job, he decided he would meet her today to ask her out, and also wrote:
Quote:
I'm forgetting girl 2 to be honest. Foolish moment of dick headian bets hedging to be honest.
Thing is something happened with girl one over the last few days which I wasn't sure of, in terms of my chances. Inititially I thought it meant my chances were zip. Basically, it was my birthday on thursday, but no txt, no email, no phonecall. Not a sausage.
On the one hand: a) I had said the week before I didn't want a big fuss made about my birthday. So I wasn't sure whether she was just doing as I asked or had forgotton, or just not bothered. And b) it was her sisters before the day after and she'd travelled down there, so had other things on her mind.
Anyway, I now feel I'm back in with a shot after she sent me a delightfully horrified apology and belated happy birthday. And she off the cuff, booked me a ticket to go with her to a concert. So now I'm sensing, maybe something is on.
Other girl was a moment of confused idiocy. Though I'm still meeting her for a jam.
I know for sure, 100% girl one is the one for me. Whether or not the feeling is mutual, I'll find out soon.
After being asked by members of the other forum to find out what happened today...
"Come on _____, it was supposed to be today right? Tell us curtain twitchers..." "He's been banged up." "Maybe he can't type because the pepper spray is affecting his vision?"
...he replied with:
Quote:
Okay...I bottled it. We were out on a walk, long one. 20 miles. I thought I'd leave it till the end of the walk, when she was too tired to run away. Unfortunate thing was my brain was dead by then, and I was shattered, so it would have come out all wrong.
However, I've now kind of given myself no choice. I sent her a message today, because we're meeting on saturday coming. I've told her there's something I need to tell her, so I've got to come out with it now (or invent some ridiculous lie, that's feasibly a hard thing to tell, but not too horrible...but I'm not that clever, so truth it will have to be).
I'll be perfectly honest though, I don't think my chances are good.
Of course, I'm meeting mystery woman tonight still. So there may be another plot twist.
followed by:
Quote:
Okay lads. Time to laugh at me. Mystery woman...Well, what can I say? I feel I should serialise the following, but to hell with it!
Mystery woman...drum roll please...
Oh dear.
Hard to describe, but think of a stereotypical sitcom female character, who dreams of being a musician, but doesn't quite have the chops.
1st: She was much older than me...I say much, she was 22. Not a particular problem...(would have helped matters if she was a scorcher, but she wasn't).
2nd: Mad as a fucking brush! Seriously barmy. And she's talking about this, that and the other, and seems to have planned out our entire musical career already.
3rd: She had 3 note books full of songs. She loves E minor and A major chords in particular. Literally every song sounded the fucking same.
4th: She's not a Stallone fan! Bitch! (Aside, has impeccable taste in films though)
5th: Out of stubbornness and being a bit of a fanny, I don't want to be a prick and just not call her, or come out a say that this lark isn't for me. I'm leaning towards letting her get fed up, but she's ridiculously keen, and I'm a guitar god of course, so that's a problem. Had I had sense, I'd have known from minute one, that I should have faked being really shit and put her off, but I like to show off, so I did...prick!
This also sums up my luck generally with women, and why girl one is in fact the one for me, meaning my impending crash and burn on Saturday, is gonna be that bit more painful. Because I feel like when I'm casting out my net for a fat salmon, 99/100 I'm coming up with old boots and bicycle wheels. Girl 1, is the one in a hundred.
However, as ridiculous a situation I found myself in today, I'm strangely compelled to meet barmy woman again. I probably shouldn't. I should cut it now, and just be sensible. But for comedy value it's good. And to massage my ego, I do appreciate someone marvelling at my guitar playing skills, despite having to play her ridiculous songs. To be fair, down the pub, she'd be a laugh, but we weren't. I'm also sensing should I see her too much more, and in conjunction with getting rejected by the girl of me dreams, an impending, regretful shag is on the horizon. Would stop my virginity growing back, but I'd regret it. And it goes against my attempt to find the one.
How do I get myself into these situations? Answers on a postcard please.
He's not particuarly looking for advice, I just thought I'd let people know where he's at (although I'm sure he wouldn't object to any comments/advice.)
Also when reading his quotes, bear in mind that it's worded in a way in which is suited to the forum he posted on as such, so he is taking the situation more seriously than his comments seem to imply...from the replies after his 1st update which I've shown you can see the sort of people he's dealing with...no, I don't know why he chose to put it on that forum either!
Today's Toppers
Friend's Conundrum. Bite the bullet time?
