Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

Hey guys,

I posted another thread in this sub-forum recently about my finding it difficult to trust my new boyfriend as a result of having some kind of annoying inability to let go of the past.

While things were on their way to getting better, Chris has a girl stopping with him for a weekend and they're sharing a room. He'd failed to tell me that they were sharing, and being as this relationship is relatively new, I (understandably, imo) told him that I wasn't too keen on this.

Anyhow, we bickered a little, and now it's boiled down to the 'I don't feel like you trust me' statements. I do trust him, and I love him - you can tell me that I don't all you like, but I know my own mind. None of this is his fault as I've plenty of warning about this visit and he's done his best to build up as much trust with me as possible.

The thing I'd like to discuss with you guys is how you apologise to your boyfriend when you know that you've hurt him unnecessarily. It's not so much me seeking advice, I'd just like to know how all of you go about your 'sorries', whether that's a simple kiss and cuddle to full-on make-up sex.

Hi Jody,

There are a number of issues here, which complicate things, so it;s best to try to look at the parts individually.

First , your relationship with him is still very new so you don't really know him well enough to know for sure what his motivations and intentions are with you...or with his 'friend'. So, when we don't have enough info, we tend to fill in the blanks with past experience..esp. if it's emotional.

Second, although you might trust him, you can still NOT trust him in situations which seem fishy....like sharing a room with another girl. That's not just about you and your stuff, it;s about him and his decision to do something that most reasonable people would find, well, fishy. It's (at the very least) provocative, esp. when he's involved with you, and you guys don't have enough experience with each other for you to be able to truly understand and tolerate him sleeping in the same space with another girl.

So, what I'd do is try to explain all of this to him, so it's clear what your concerns are....rather than just blasting him with the bigger picture here (Sleeping with another girl). It's more than that, and for him to realize that, he might need to see all the moving parts here. This isn't about 'Trust' (although that's a part of it), it's about the newness of the relationship with you and his judgment/choice to engage in an activity that threatens the foundation of your feelings.

I trust him enough to not sleep with her. He's never tried anything sexual with me, ever, and stands by the belief that 'sex isn't everything'. He's most probably mad at me for questioning him, and I know that he feels hurt because I don't seem to trust him despite me having perfectly good reason to. He hasn't dodged any questions, though, but he has gotten progressively more upset although I haven't exactly thrown them at him constantly.

I just want him to be happy, but my happiness is important to. While we love each other and he now tells me that this visit had been planned for months (i.e. before we met), I should know more about these things before they happen rather than 'she's a cool girl and she has pink hair and does photography and is staying in my bedroom with me'. That's more-or-less all I know about her. The mention of her having a boyfriend would be reassuring, too, as it's much less likely two people would be willing to hurt the people they love for a bit of a fondle and such.

Anyhow, this isn't really about asking for advice about our relationship, this is about how I can say sorry. I have acted pretty inappropriately (without accusing him) and been in a complete arse with him for the past day-or-so, and when he said I was hurting him I felt terrible. How do you guys apologise to your partners when something goes wrong?

You say "I'm really sorry". It helps if you give an explanation for whatever it is you're apologizing for.

C'mon, there's more you can do than just that.

LOL! C'mon, Jody! You're saying you don't want advice on the relationship, yet the reason for the apology is relationship based, right? So, if you just want to offer a simple apology, (which is OK), then you just say "I'm really sorry" and give some explanation so you signal that you're not going to be doing that anymore and you both can move on.

If you'd read the end of my original post, you'd have realised that this isn't just advice for myself - I want people who read this to share in how they make it up to their partners. Sometimes saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it.

Kiss and Cuddle and if it goes further its up to both of youu!(: xx