Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

So heres the deal, I like a girl. Now the complications start as they always do, I've known her for a little over a year, I've pretty much always known there was a good chance I'd end up liking her but only recently have the feelings intensified. Now the problem is I talk to her everyday online, and we live too far away to meet for at least another couple years, theres really no way around this one its just not going to happen. I'm fairly sure shes not into me in the more then a friend way yet but we are very very close. I don't think I am permanently in the friend zone but for now theres really not much a choice about that anyway, if things are still going well in a couple years and we meet I think I'd be alright. Now where it really starts to get hard for me is that she is the type to go off on sexual endeavors not exactly because she wants the sex but shes needs the closeness to someone shes not getting anywhere else in her life since where she is theres not many friends around. Some would call that slutty ofc but i think not as much as it could be since she seems to be unable to even do it unless shes drunk, and if theres no one else around she does small amounts of cutting. She already tried therapy and that didn't work out, shes on no medication but i am not able to convince her to go back to any of these so no point in trying that. Now I try to help as much as I can of course which is some but not nearly enough, the problem for me comes with always hearing about these things that shes doing. I just don't want to fly off the handle one day and end up bitching her out (even if thats what she really needed I know her well enough to know it wouldn't make any real difference coming from someone online even if it was a very close friend). So i need better coping methods if anything or any other general advice about the situation.

For the Record:
I am fully aware this person has plenty of problems and I am NOT looking for lectures about who I like or why I like them, if thats the kind of answer you want to give please take it somewhere else.

Mate, you shouldn't have to take this. If you don't want to hear about her sexual endevours, ask her not to talk about it because it bothers you. You should say how much you care about her and that youi don't want her to be hurt by any stupid guys.

However, I also think you need to let her know that having sex with random guys isn't going to make her feel wanted- being around people she loves will. Say that having random sex increases her chances to catch disease, get pregnant, or anything else thats shitty related to sex. If she's hitting the bottle and then having sex, that puts her at a higher shot of rape.

Tell her all of this, man. Don't worry. Good things happen to good people, and guys like you are the best. I should know, I am one.

"A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance".- T.S. Eliot

Yeah pregnancy and diseases are what I'm most worried about when it comes to the sex, I've tried telling her the sex won't really help anything but its pretty much the same reason as the drinking and the idea is happiness, even if its fake happiness is better then none at all. And to a point I do agree with that in a way since I've dealt with depression and anxiety and my own experiences with drugs dulled the pain a bit though thats more under control now.

I did get her to buy condoms though so at least thats something lol. And its kinda difficult to surround yourself with those you love when your family is the type of people you genuinely hate to the core mostly because shes got the hardcore Christian parents that force her to go to a catholic school when she wants no part of it. And theres no close friends around for her either so most of the time she really doesn't have much to do or people to talk to.

And I really don't like hearing about the sexual shit but I usually end up finding out about it sooner or later, plus if I hear about the possibility of it before it happens at least I can try to make her be more careful about it or if I'm lucky change her mind.

I'm going to say I relate to her.
I think you should just let her do what she wants when it comes to other guys. Even though it might be a good idea to advice her not to drink, since, if she's doing sexual stuff as one nighters, the likelihood of sexual diseases and pergnancy are higher (simply because when you're drunk you're not "all there". So talk to her about that, besides drinking is such a waste imo xD


Anyway, other than that. She just seems like the regular lonely teenager with depressive tendencies.

Just, stick with her, even though you might lose contact in the end, it's always better to have someone to talk to, even be it online. Don't say no to hanging with other girls just because you like her though, 'cause you can't be tied to someone you're not sure you'll ever end up with, right?

lol yeah advising not to drink isn't gonna happen, I would if I could but she really really enjoys it. And no it's not an all the time thing since she rarely has the money to pay for it but she still prefers drinking much more then anything else, she rarely goes out with other people drinking its mostly by herself at home since she hates to share it lol. The only time she drinks with other people is at partys where she can get it for free. And honestly, if it comes to her staying home and drinking or going out drinking+sex it's much better to stay at home.

Still not really a good idea, if she relies on drinking to much she could become an alcoholic

Then it sounds like she's becoming addicted to it. So then there's actually a bigger reason for her to quit.
You should never drink a lot alone, that's where the addiction begins, and that's when alcohol becomes another way to escape reality.

I don't let her drink alone if i can help it. And I'm sure shes already a bit addicted to it but like I said its hard to become truely dependant on it when you have no money to pay for it. If anything I know shes strong enough to break an addiction to it if she really needs to. The drinking isn't my biggest worry at this point, at least shes mostly doing it in an environment where its hard to really do something stupid.