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Old 17-11-11, 10:48 AM   #1
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Default Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Hey, I need some advice on what to do

My friend (going with the name Lauren) Lauren had recently split up with her boyfriend of 3 years - they were extremely close and I was with her when he dumped her she was so upset and I was there for her. A few weeks later while we were talking she said she had met this guy (going with Adam) called Adam. I recognised the surname and realised I went to the same primary school as him and we had lost contact when we both went to different high schools. So we got back in contact which was awesome as we were mates in primary. She started going out with him a few days later (at this point she had been split from her ex for a week maybe?) to cut a long story short she dumped him (because they went to different schools and she felt she had to spend all of her spare time with him as she didn't get to see him in school) After she dumped him he spent alot of time talking to me and we have become extremely close and we have both told each other alot of stuff and I don't think I'm falling for him? (though my best friend says other wise) but he's told me he is over and said "thank you for being here for me I couldn't have got over her without you and I only could do it because I talked to you 24/7" later that night she confided in my that she still likes him but doesn't want to talk to him ever again? Its been 13 days scince they split and in feel like ive known him forever!

So I'm here starting to possibly fall for him? and I feel incredibly guilty because she still likes him! I don't know what to do and I feel like such a bad person? Me and him have so much in common its untrue but I want to stay a good friend and I know if he were to ask me out (which he has not) then I would be torn on what to say?

Please help, am I really bad person? and what should I do?

thankyou x
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Old 17-11-11, 10:55 AM   #2
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Well if you want to avoid a sticky situation, I say just remain friends.
However, if you really feel strongly about him, and your friend actually just wants to stay friends with him, then just ask her if it's okay if you ask him out or something.
However, I wouldn't do it right now either way. It's still fresh, like moving in on a wounded deer or something.

The way I see it though, if it's only been 13 days and he's already over her then his feelings must not have been quite as strong as hers were. Which I find kinda odd considering he got dumped yet she still has feelings for him despite doing the dumping.

All in all, I really wouldn't do anything right now. Give it a few months until they both forget about each other. At that point, I think it'll be safe to make a move.









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Old 17-11-11, 11:51 AM   #3
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

hey thank you for the reply,

Okay will defo be taking that advice! just 2 quick questions;
1)should I still be talking to him and meeting up with him? Like we are now? kinda flirting?
2)Should I tell her we have been talking, and flirting?

thankyouu x
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Old 17-11-11, 11:57 AM   #4
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Eh, I'm not normally good friends with chicks cause they annoy me, but to me it seems she had her chance.. she broke it off so, it's your fair go. Id talk to her first though. Besides, my gosh if she can get over a three year relationship in a week, she shouldn't care about some dude she just met that much..









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Old 17-11-11, 12:04 PM   #5
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

We aren't best friends but we are still pretty close which is why i feel bad? My best friend has the same opinion as you. She said to me that she felt she rushed into it and I think the main reason she said yes to him in the first place was to get back at her ex as he had a new girlfriend the next day.
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Old 17-11-11, 12:30 PM   #6
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Your friend has wasted her chance with the guy, and now comes yours...

Don't make your actions upon thinking how other people will feel or think about them! Or you will always waste the chances given to you in your life!









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Old 17-11-11, 12:59 PM   #7
 
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Ask her if it's ok if you see him. I would personally avoid the drama myself, especially since he sounds like drama by saying he couldn't have made it by without you. he sounds like a handfull imo. But if it's real love (personally idk how you would know that, especially since it's so soon) go for it since love is important (of course so are best friends). Complicated, and i'm rambling lol, again I am leaning towards moving past him as far as dating goes.
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Old 17-11-11, 04:19 PM   #8
 
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

I believe that there cannot be good or bad people. Why? Because how you judge their actions is how you judge the person as either good or bad. For example if somebody does, on the whole, actions that are good, then you will judge them to be a good person. Same with bad people (except opposite of course).
Now, I do not believe in objective judging. That is basically a globally good/bad act. This leaves the option of subjective judging which is judging according to your own beliefs. Due to this, your judging of a person who's actions you approve of may differ with another person, who disapproves of said persons actions. This means that the person must either be good and bad or neither.
Now, for the sake of pleasing the masses, yes, I guess there can be good people. That is only subjectively though. So a person can be a good person to/for you, but not a good person overall unless everybody on Earth agrees that they are a good person, and let me tell you, I most certainly will not agree so good luck with that.
Now, let us apply this to a real life setting. Al Quaida. These people are deemed monsters, some of the most evil people on Earth by most American citizens, however the followers of Al Quaida would disagree and say that they are visionaries and working for God. Who is right then? Who is to say ones opinion is more valid or more worthy than anothers? Neither is my answer.
So, in conclusion, there are no good people, only people that do subjectively good/bad actions which alter your perceptions of said people. Though I do not expect everybody to start calling people that, it's a bit of a mouthful
So, in conclusion, no.
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Old 17-11-11, 04:21 PM   #9
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

I agree with all above. I mean, I think that your friend is a spot of an idiot if she can turn around from 3 years of being with the same first to dating someone new?

idk. not my life.
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Old 17-11-11, 09:57 PM   #10
 
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Default Re: Am I a bad person? - advice please x

Not one human being is good.




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