Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

SORRY THIS IS REALLY TL;DR

He's 21 and I'm 18. I'm still in high school, a senior, and he's out of college in the army reserves. He's working in a semi-unstable job as a drill sergeant at a military school. He's got some small personal issues like low-self esteem and is a bit socially awkward. Like most guys that seem to like me. But it can be cute at times and he's the cutest guy I've ever had ask me out. And I feel he isn't just using me right off the bat. He seems like a descent guy. We have a lot in common.

My parents were okay with it at first, but then my mom changed her mind. Something about "premonition dreams". Yeeaah she's like that. My parents, namely my mom, are worried about him knocking me up and leaving me. I don't think he'd ever do that to me. She's worried about my future, me having sex, etc. I'm a good kid though. I have never drank, smoked, skipped school, or snuck out. We had been dating for two months or so and he's been nothing but kind to me, taking me out on dates, dinner, and the movies. He pays for everything and drives 40 minutes north to come get because I haven't been allowed to drive on my own yet. We see each other maybe twice a week, once on weekends, and once during the week at our fencing classes where we met.

My mom made me break up with him in the hopes that I might find someone my own age. I was sort of considering breaking up with him because I feel like I might need that too. I felt like I was missing out on the whole high school thing, and because of other small details. Finding guys at my school is hard and now that I've dated someone who can pay for things and drive me around, someone more "developed", I know I've been spoiled. I don't want to demand anything from anyone that is unreasonable.


My mom says I don't need a relationship, but I felt really, genuinely, HAPPY being with him. I had some self-esteem issues before this and it calmed my loneliness which was sickening at some points. I don't know if I could wait until college. I will probably be going away for college, though, and may have to break up with him then for fear of long-distance. He knew about this and he seemed sort of okay with it. He would have still liked me to try long distance.

I've never really had a relationship before so I am nit-picky. But, I feel guilty and I miss him. I still text him every now and then and he eventually texts me back, but he feels really distant and it hurts. I know I can't expect much from him because we aren't supposed to be dating and it felt like he really liked me. It makes fencing awkward and he hasn't shown up since we've broken up. He's going through some rough stuff with his job falling apart and his knee injuries and an accident he got into recently. I want to be there for him.

His Birthday is next week as well and I feel horrible.

Should I try to talk to my mom about being allowed to date him again if he'll take me back? What should I say to her? She gets angry and upset when it's brought up and she almost won't let me get a word in edgewise. She pulls the "wiser/older" card and I know it's true. But, I have to make some mistakes for myself, right? Even though I don't think this will be a mistake. He's a good guy.


She also brought up that she was slightly traumatized from having to take her 18 year old friend to get an abortion when she was a senior in high school too. Her friend had an older boyfriend who was 21. The story sounded a bit too convenient, however.

Dunno where you got this idea...

My suggestion: respect your parents

my suggestion, understand each others' situation and try to talk to her. convinced to give you at least 1 chance.

urm its a tough one but ultimately you do have to respect the wiser head

but maybe in time she will let you i dunno

Well, you are 18, you can do whatever you want. I don't think your parent can decide for you... your old enough to make your own decision. I actually think she's kindda treating you like a child. At 18, I was living on my own, without my parent, out of town.

You're an adult, this can be your first big decision of adulthood for you.

You are 18, old enough to make your own decisions without her standing over your shoulder. From what you have said, I would probably go for it.

You're 18.... Your mom SHOULD NOT treat you like a little kid anymore...

While you don't necessarily have to listen to your mother, she doesn't have to let you live in her home. Its a trade off. If she threatens to throw you out over it, yeah, I'd say it isn't worth it. But its honestly your call. Just keep your mother's advice close to heart.

"A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance".- T.S. Eliot