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Relationships, Dating and CrushesDating and relationships forum. Seek dating advice, relationship advice and chat about your crushes on our message boards.
I've ruined just about every relationship I have ever had by sabotaging myself (until this one, which I know I will not destroy), and so here is what I have learned.
Trust is absolutely imperative
If you do not trust your partner, you will suffocate them. You suffocate them enough, and they will leave. It's absolutely paramount to give your partner a sufficient amount of space; if you have to be with them to feel comfortable your relationship will never evolve.
Jealousy will ruin your life
Seriously. If they have had a previous partner or a previous love, do not let it tear you up: they have moved on, and they have chosen you, which means you are better than them.
Self-doubt is extremely unattractive
When they tell you that you're beautiful, accept it, don't blush and say "no I'm not...". Don't ever say things like "I wouldn't live without you" or anything which infers or implies you would kill yourself without your partner; it makes you look obsessive and can often guilt them into staying with you. Also, don't say that you're not good enough for them. It may be cute once or twice, but if you say it all the time, it'll make you look insecure and needy.
Sex is absolutely important
Emotionally involved sex will improve your relationship and take you to new levels of intimacy. It's like being on cloud nine. Without it, you're just a shell of a relationship.
"A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance".- T.S. Eliot
I have been self sabotaging(I think that's the wron word but tis what spell check gave me) long enough that most people hate me at least. I know get to be super snarky all the time
The last one is dumb IMO. Sex isn't necessary. In fact with some of my exs my friends already know the fact i was with him disgusts me, it's literally repulsive to think I was romantically involved with him. If I had actually slept with him.....You can be blinded by love even when the relationship is almost a year.. Not saying all should wait a year, but it can just happen and still be wrong to have sex.
From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.
Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3
The last one is dumb IMO. Sex isn't necessary. In fact with some of my exs my friends already know the fact i was with him disgusts me, it's literally repulsive to think I was romantically involved with him. If I had actually slept with him.....You can be blinded by love even when the relationship is almost a year.. Not saying all should wait a year, but it can just happen and still be wrong to have sex.
i think the last one only applies to those couple who are already sexually active together. like, i don't think its necessary for everyone, but when people start having sex together, i think its important to care about each other and be sexually compatible.
very good advice though:] i especially agree with the self doubt part. not gonna lie i've done the whole "ew, i'm not pretty" thing many a time in my day, but i try really hard now not to say that to my boyfriend. he's kinda bad about it too, he always says he's not cute if i tell him he is. i hate that. its like, i obviously think you're attractive, i'm dating you, isn't that enough? >_<
Didn't say otherwise. Though relationships don't NEED sex.
From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.
Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3
Last edited by DeepDistress; 24-11-11 at 06:04 PM..
sex shouldn't be needed for a relationship, imo. that's not a real relationship if you have to have sex to be happy with your partner. sex, especially with an emotional connection with someone you honestly care about, is important to relationships that are already at that level. its important to have a similar interest in sex as your partner does. you shouldn't need sex to have a good relationship.
Sex is a very important emotional connection, now i don't think that sex itself is necessary, but some form of intimacy is. You need to have a very close emotional connection with your partner to have a sexual relationship.
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Advice from an accomplished self-saboteur
