Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

So one of my very close friends that I've had a crush on for a while now finally asked me on a date this weekend. We planned this a week ago. Naturally, I was excited, and I agreed to it. However, two days before we were supposed to go out, he said that he wouldn't be able to make it because 1) it was his best friend's birthday the night before, and they were going to go partying and 2) he has exam finals the upcoming week, and his mom wants him to spend the rest of the weekend studying.

Of course I was disappointed but I understood (though the first reason kind of made me upset). We rescheduled our date for next weekend. However, I still wanted to see him, so we agreed that we'd hang out at a local parade the day after his friend's party this weekend.

He just told me he won't be able to make it because he's recovering from his "crazy night" with his friends. I don't normally get mad, and I had a feeling this was going to happen, but I'm starting to get really upset with him. This isn't the first time he's flaked on me. If we were just friends, I'd be ok with it, but things are starting to develop romantically and I'm not sure if this is what I want in a relationship. I've never been in a real relationship before, so I don't really know what I should do. I've been told just to be mad at him and ignore him completely, but I'm not sure if that's right... so what should I do?

I've never been in a real relationship before, and I have a feeling that if things work out it will be a long and happy relationship, since we've been best friends for four years. I want this to work out, but I'm not sure. Please help. D:

Just be honest open up and tell him. Tell him your struggling with not being mad, tell him it hurts you, tell him this worries you etc, that you wouldn't want that in your first relationship. Just be honest, hear what HE has to say. He probably doesn't realize how you feel. Just be honest with him, relationships aren't one sided. Compromise and work together, communicate or you're never going to have a good relationship.

To answer your question, I think it's okay to be mad in this situation. I know that I would be upset if my date continually flaked out on me. I'm sorry that he does that to you.

I would just talk to him. Honestly though, it doesn't seem like you guys are on the same page as far as what you want and need out of the relationship. Communication is key, so always try to keep it open. Like Kate said, he may not realize that he is hurting you and will only know if you tell him.

It's probably going to take you both some time to adjust to being romantically involved as opposed to "just friends". It sounds like he's used to doing what he wants and is still in the mindset of thinking you won't mind because well, you guys are friends. Just give it some time and effort and if it's meant to work out, it will! Don't stress too much and let things naturally fall into place as your relationship grows.

Good luck!

Danielle - Founder of the Teen Forumz Mentor Program

What do you know about the guy to be mad at him? Do you know his mother? his parents? his family? or anything about his personal life?!

As long as you don't know much about the guy, you don't have the right to be mad at him! Maybe he really has good excuses, but you just don't know about them yet, since all what connects you to him is a crush you are having on him!

That of course doesn't cancel that he might be flaking on you! But my point is not to take your assumption too personal before you make sure of it.

" This is how the days ruled among us; one folk's disaster, is another's benefit. " --- Al-Mutanabbi

I thought I said this, but I've been best friends with this guy for four years. Yes, I do know his family. Yes, I do know his friends. Yes, I do know his work life, his social life, because, like I said, we've been friends for a pretty long while. I'm just having trouble adjusting from "friends" to "partners," and I need advice with this, please.

What are you even saying? Everything you're asking her has already been pretty much answered in her original post.
And he's already given her these excuses. She's not saying that he's bailing on her without giving her a proper reason. He's given the reason already.

Anyway, on topic: I think he's just so used to having you as a close friend and not as a potential girlfriend that he'd be like he always is around you and wouldn't realise that it would have any affect on you (Like you said; you wouldn't have been so bothered about it before). Just talk to him about it I guess; it's really the only thing you can do

It's fine to be a bit peeved that he keeps having to cancel but I don't think he realises he's doing it. He may really have things coming up that he can't avoid. I'd just talk to him and say that you'd really like to go out without having to cancel and ask to make an official date for going out; a day that he is free.
He should understand why it's bothering you and I'm sure he'll come up with another time that you two can go out.

Don't ignore him, that's certainly not right imo. He probably is just really busy. It'll take some time to transfer from friends to partners and you'll need to adjust to how you should act with each other now. He's probably just so used to having friendship expectations. It'll all work out in the wash

I apologize to the OP!

It sounds like my focus wasn't in its best conditions when I read your thread. Nevermind my post.

" This is how the days ruled among us; one folk's disaster, is another's benefit. " --- Al-Mutanabbi

It's all good! We all make mistakes. ;D anyway, all this advice really helped me. My dad suggested that I just ignore him, stop talking to him altogether, and that didn't feel right with me. After all, we've been friends for a long time, and I usually know his patterns haha. He's just very disorganized... typical of a teenage boy. ;P

Thanks a bunch you guys! I feel a whole lot better know. We are planning to hang out next weekend at his house, plus a date date. I'm very excited