Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 13 months. We only see eachother about once a week and today I went into his email without his knowledge and found him talking to this girl who he's been talking to for a little bit. They married each other on facebook and he told me not to worry about it because she wanted to make he ex jealous so i was trying to stay cool about it, but then the girl started messaging him and talking very sexually to him. At first he ignored it but today I read part of the emails and they were.

Her: Anything, if I'm into it.
Him: Ok your turn
Her: When we get back to school what are you going to do to me?
Him:depends, what can i?
Her: Anything you want. We need to find a place though.

He never replied to that. We're currently on a winter vacation from our school, but I do not go to the same school as him.

I know he hasn't done anything with her yet for sure, but I wonder if this verbal talk is only for his pleasure because he is a very sexual person. EXTREMELY sexual in fact. I'm not sure if he wishes for a "Fuck buddy" as some would call it..

But I'd really like to know the definition of a "Cheater" because I know this is his first time doing this and I know he loves me very much. He's always protective an noisey about everything I do. He's clingy and possessive. Very jealous as well, but I love him very much.

Would you say verbal talk like this is cheating? Why or why not? And what should I do about the situation because I'm not sure if telling him I secretely read his emails is a good thing. I was going to stop because of the new year and i didn't want a guilty conscuence anymore, but this kind of shocked me.

Advice?

Well, a cheater is someone who cheats. What you consider cheating however, depends on you. We all have different limits on what we consider cheating.

There is only one solution to this, which is to talk to him directly about it. Yes, he'll know you went secretly through his emails, but well, look at the situation. You're scared because he might be keeping secrets from you, but you're also keeping that secret from him. If you want him to be honest with you, be honest with him.
You'll never be sure untill you talk directly to him about all this. Say what you saw, and tell him how you feel about it.

"If I do good, people might accuse me of selfish, ulterior motives, but I will still do it. Because I believe no one is malicious, not in their core, in their raw being.
The best in them is clouded by sorrows and fears, take those away and you'll bring out the brightest of lights in them.
Because no one can be happy without being kind, without giving ourselves to another, and we all love to give ourselves, it is our true nature.
That is why, even if I might get disappointed, I'll always give the best I've got. A single candle can light a thousand others and still burn." - Skezra

Talk to him, like John said he will find out you did look at his messages but this was only because you were concerned. Speak to him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation. If you don't speak to him about it then your suspicions will only get worse.

I agree w/everything John said... However, I would tell him to "divorce" her on Facebook. That sends two signals to me: One, that he's embarrassed to let people know he's in a legit relationship, and two, sends the idea that they're a little more then friends. I know its a joke, but no girl would do that with a guy she lacks interest in, ya dig?

"A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance".- T.S. Eliot

I agree with Jared on that point too.

For me, cheating is anything he wouldn't want me doing, within reason. You don't want your partner looking at other attractive girls, but that's not gonna happen.

As for this situation, this seems like there's something going on between her and him, at least on her part. I've been through the whole "I want to make my ex jealous" thing. This girl did the same thing to my ex, and she ended up trying to convince him to leave me. I don't want to put things in your mind, but it seems fishy to me. If you feel comfortable enough, talk to him. You're probably right when you say he cares about you. Just say you're worried/concerned with what's going on between the two of you and you'd like some elaboration on their friendship. There's nothing wrong with that. If you feel like he could handle it, go ahead and tell him you read the conversation he had and that you're worried.
But no matter what, you need to talk to him about it. That way you'll be able to know you can trust him and you can go ahead with your relationship.

Umm since this was a private chat that cant be part of the jealousy thing right, wouldnt the other person need to see it?

Also even if hes just joking around you could end up with a crazy girl on your hands lol. Maybe dont accuse him right now but just say your worried this girl is serious... thats all i can think of.

Haha sorry what I meant by him being jealous is that if the tables were turned and I was the one with the emails to some guy and he were the one seeing it, he'd flip to the point of no return. I myself am jealous as well but i don't act on my jealousy as he would. I'm more of the suffer in silence type and he's the full blown volcano.

Tell him straight up, if he's planning on having sex with someone else, and you're not okay with it, then you will be breaking up with him, because that will be breaking the agreed boundaries of your relationship and his actions have consequences.

Also, be as calm and collected as you can when you tell him.

Somethings definitely up. Honestly if I was in your position I'd just leave him because I know no guy talks shit like that without meaning anything by it.
But whatever, it's up to you if you want to talk to him; I just don't think it'd help.