I am finally going to go to bed in a good mood
. Tonight Erin and I were talking, and we got on the subject of how I"m trying to get her to open up to more people at school, got in to this ramble of how I know what keeping people out can get really bad in a hurry etc and she stopped me I told her I was sorry and idk what's wrong with me lately. Then I realized I am nothing like I was when we were at the best part. I pointed it out and asked her for her help, ibecause I lost my self and didn't know where I started to change.
She said she was the one who'd changed and I hadn't, I've just been really freaked lately.
That's what did it for me, everything fell into place and themore we talked the more everything made sense. I told her she had changed, and it wasn't so much what changed, but how it happend so fast. She went from telling me she loved me with everything she had and being so open with me, to telling me she couldn't date me/ecause she wasn't ready (I understood why) and she completely closed her self off again. In a period of 5 days. This was what I couldn't figure out. In that five days she had one of her idk she called it a flood. Where she told me everything shed been afraid to. I thought maybe she closed her self off because I reacted wrong, or she took my reaction the wrong way. She'd said it was her, but for some reason I couldn't get the 'you fucked up' idea out of my head, and that was the reason I was freaking out, thinking because she wasn't responding right away sometimes. Well anyways I told her this is why we shoulda talked things through before we innitally started getting serious because it would have spared a lot of confusion.
Then it dawned on me that lack of communication was the cause for everything. I explained to her that I realized it because the reason we didn't discuss the break up was I was moving to fast and she didn't want to hurt my feelings or make me think it was completely my fault. She agreed with me and said that was the actual reason. So now I realize the reason we broke up was I was moving to fast and she didn't tell me it was getting to be to much for her because she didn't want to hurt me or make me feel bad, and she didn't know I wanted to know because if she had I would have slowed way down. And that now we know.
She says she blames her self and I blame my self
I say ecaxtly and were both right, because it was both out faults we didn't tell the other what was bothering us, and now we know where we went wrong. Its not the end, were just both learning and that's what love is about, not just being there through the good, but sticking it out when thingsget tough and learning along the way.
She agreed.
I said were both going to make mistakes, we just need to learn from them rather than turn away frm them to make sure we don't do it again.
She said she knows. And she's going to go to sleep.
I tell her I think we got a real good shot at this when she decides she's ready, and that I'm glad we talked and that when she does decide she's ready, i'd be here. I told her good night and she said thanks and good night.
Now I know we still got a ways to go. And she needs time to still get over her past relationship, but at least we got on level ground and realzed where our mistakes were made that led to this mess in the first place.
I thought maybe some here bennifit from all of this, that being make sure she or he knows they can tell you what's bothering them, and that its only going to help you help them. Thanks.
Thoughts?
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