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So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
At least, that's what I'm feeling. Every time I go over to his house, either one of his two friends are over, or both. And I've asked him about it, he said that whenever his friends ask if they want to come over, he tells him that he doesn't care, because he really doesn't. That was red flag number one.
And now, he asked me if he wanted me to come over to watch some movies, but cancelled at the last minute, saying that one of his friends was having girl problems, and that his other friend was just mad about something. I said that I was sad and that I was looking forward to hanging out with him, and he replied with "I was too.. but I'm not in the mood anymore." Red flag number two.
He says that his friends are like his brothers, but I feel like his friends control his life. I mean, I don't want to sound selfish, and maybe I am, but in a relationship shouldn't the girlfriend come first? Or at least have some sort of balance in his relationships? what should I do?
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
Honestly? At your age, IMO Bros before Hos still applies.
Friends are always important, no matter your age or relationship status and by putting you first, especially when his good friend is having problems he may need help dealing with, that could put strain on his relationships with them.
Yes, I do think he should make just you and him time, but I also feel you moreso need to respect his friendships even if jut for the simple fact that you're young. This relationship most likely will not last but if his friendships are as tight as they sound, they will. I know I certainly put my friendship with my best friend before my relationship with my husband(before we were married) until I knew it was going somewhere more serious than your typical college fling.
It wasn't until he proposed to me that I started balancing out my time with him and my time with her and now that we're married and live 4 hours away from my best friend, he obviously comes first, but she understands and respects that.
Eventually that time will come for you as well but it very well may not even be with the same person and by trying to make him feel bad or forcing his hand into putting you first, ultimately, you'll drive him away.
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
The thing is, we've been best friends for four years... longer than his current friends have actually known him, really. And now I never get to see him anymore and frankly it's frustrating.
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brittninjagirl
The thing is, we've been best friends for four years... longer than his current friends have actually known him, really. And now I never get to see him anymore and frankly it's frustrating.
Length of a friendship really has no bearing on strength of a friendship.
Some of my most recent friendships are stronger than ones I've had for years.
As well, sometimes dating your best friend can change things between you. I've been there.It can make you appreciate each other less in the relationship and take each other for granted.
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RysRyan
I would say simply "Bros over Hoes", but 4 years, thats a long time. I think it does matter.
Only as friends though.
Whole different dynamics when you turn it into a relationship and the length of time you've known someone isn't at all an indicator of how strong your relationship/friendship with them is.
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
Frankly, I agree with you OP. Not that you should come first, but that your boyfriend needs to find a balance between you and them. My boyfriend and I see each other as often as we can. He'd drop anything to spend the day with me, and he spends most nights at his friend's house. An okay balance. Today we planned on seeing each other since we hadn't in about two days, but last night he said his best friend asked if they could hang out after school so they could do something rather than just seeing him that night. I said go hang out with him, because I had been seeing him a lot. I'm very supportive of him seeing his friends over me when he wants, because we see each other regularly, and he doesn't get to see them like he used to when he was in high school.
So, you need that kind of balance in your relationship. I'd talk to him about it. Basically say how you feel, and see if he'd be willing to set up one or two nights/days a week that are just for you, and not his friends. And let him know you want him to see his friends, because you care about him and you realize that friends are important, because I believe you do know that. But he needs to be able to balance relationships and friendships. You're 17, that's the age where you need to start being responsible for your actions. If he's in a relationship, he needs to work on it. It's not like you guys are 15 anymore.
So just say, we don't spend enough time together anymore. You're always with your friends. I'm fine with you seeing them, in fact I want you to. But can we agree to have two nights a week? Like Saturdays and Tuesdays? Just for us? Or something along those lines. That's what my boyfriend and I do. Normally Fridays are our day, but today is an exception. So give that a try and see what he says.
Re: So my boyfriend's friends are more important than me.
^ Listen to that. That's right on.
You need to give him space for friends but he also needs to MAKE time for you, not just whenever. And yeah sometimes friends will come in the way in serious things where they need a friend, like ^ said tonight is even an exception for her. So just listen to what she said and try to talk to him.
Little white flowers will never awaken you, not when the cold depths have all but overtaken you.
Dearest, The days are all so long,
and in the shadows I spend them all.
My heart and I long for slumber.
Slumber I'm caressing you, I bless your touch, I lust for you.
Slumber you are not a dream, Not as much as you seem.
- Joao <3