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Old 15-04-12, 01:26 AM   #1
 
Name: Ash
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Icon9 I need help understanding myself!

Hey guys. I really need some kind of insight here.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. Last year, he moved two hours away and because of his job and him being a full time student in college, we don't get to see each other as much as we used to. He used to live 5-10 minutes away so we were together all the time. Since we don't see each other as much, we usually talk on the phone, text and hangout via Skype. He's my absolute best friend, the love of my life and the sole person I can trust with anything. I KNOW all this, but why is it that I can act like such a straight up bitch to him?!
Seriously! Today, I got SO angry at him because he wouldn't watch a video I wanted him to see because he didn't feel like it at the time. I really yelled at him and hung up on him repeatedly. I scared myself and that wasn't the first time I've overreacted about things as petty as that..
It's not always like this, of course. I think I've noticed a relationship between the amount of time it's been since I saw him and my change in emotions toward him.
For example, say that same video scenario happened 3 days after his last visit. Instead of getting annoyed about it, I probably would've been like, "Okay. Since you don't feel like watching it now, don't forget to watch it later, k?" with a smile. Is that weird?
The more time it's been since I've seen him, the angrier at him I get. Is that normal?
To be fair, let me explain the moving situation. His step dad had a 2 hour commute to work everyday and to shorten it, they moved over to his job's location after we graduated high school. He didn't want to go, but he had to since he had no job or a place to stay at the time. It was totally out of his control- but, he knew they were going to move since the year before and he didn't try hard enough to get a job even though I pushed it and pushed it.
I added that bit of history because well, I'm just thinking.. do I get angrier between elongated visits because I hold anger against him for not trying harder to stay with me in this town? Like, do I get angrier because I'm making it as though he caused this separation because of his lack of motivation for finding a job in this town?
Another thing is, whenever he visits now, I feel like my heart is covered by a thick blanket. I still smile when I see him because I'm overjoyed that he's here. I still kiss him cause I love him. I still hug him and tell him I don't want him to go, cause I really don't. But why do I feel like I can't feel my emotions? I don't even cry when he leaves anymore. I know I'm not falling out of love because we've broken up about 3 times this year and I realized that I didn't want anyone else.
Is this just my heart's way of defending itself from hurt and disappointment? Do you think that when he comes home (in 1.5 years) this feeling will go away since he's here to stay? I think that'll fix everything.. I hope so.
When he does visit, I feel amazing for like, a week. Everything is superb! And then the next week, I feel normal, which lasts for about.. 2-2.5 weeks.. and after that.. I start getting irritable..
How do I work on this?? Pleaseeee help!! D: I'm wreaking havoc on his emotions with my own emotional rollercoaster! I need him in my life.. please help me understand myself so I can save my very promising relationship..
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Old 15-04-12, 02:22 AM   #2
 
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Default Re: I need help understanding myself!

Quote:
Originally Posted by worried. View Post
Hey guys. I really need some kind of insight here.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. Last year, he moved two hours away and because of his job and him being a full time student in college, we don't get to see each other as much as we used to. He used to live 5-10 minutes away so we were together all the time. Since we don't see each other as much, we usually talk on the phone, text and hangout via Skype. He's my absolute best friend, the love of my life and the sole person I can trust with anything. I KNOW all this, but why is it that I can act like such a straight up bitch to him?!
Seriously! Today, I got SO angry at him because he wouldn't watch a video I wanted him to see because he didn't feel like it at the time. I really yelled at him and hung up on him repeatedly. I scared myself and that wasn't the first time I've overreacted about things as petty as that..
It's not always like this, of course. I think I've noticed a relationship between the amount of time it's been since I saw him and my change in emotions toward him.
For example, say that same video scenario happened 3 days after his last visit. Instead of getting annoyed about it, I probably would've been like, "Okay. Since you don't feel like watching it now, don't forget to watch it later, k?" with a smile. Is that weird?
The more time it's been since I've seen him, the angrier at him I get. Is that normal?
To be fair, let me explain the moving situation. His step dad had a 2 hour commute to work everyday and to shorten it, they moved over to his job's location after we graduated high school. He didn't want to go, but he had to since he had no job or a place to stay at the time. It was totally out of his control- but, he knew they were going to move since the year before and he didn't try hard enough to get a job even though I pushed it and pushed it.
I added that bit of history because well, I'm just thinking.. do I get angrier between elongated visits because I hold anger against him for not trying harder to stay with me in this town? Like, do I get angrier because I'm making it as though he caused this separation because of his lack of motivation for finding a job in this town?
Another thing is, whenever he visits now, I feel like my heart is covered by a thick blanket. I still smile when I see him because I'm overjoyed that he's here. I still kiss him cause I love him. I still hug him and tell him I don't want him to go, cause I really don't. But why do I feel like I can't feel my emotions? I don't even cry when he leaves anymore. I know I'm not falling out of love because we've broken up about 3 times this year and I realized that I didn't want anyone else.
Is this just my heart's way of defending itself from hurt and disappointment? Do you think that when he comes home (in 1.5 years) this feeling will go away since he's here to stay? I think that'll fix everything.. I hope so.
When he does visit, I feel amazing for like, a week. Everything is superb! And then the next week, I feel normal, which lasts for about.. 2-2.5 weeks.. and after that.. I start getting irritable..
How do I work on this?? Pleaseeee help!! D: I'm wreaking havoc on
his emotions with my own emotional rollercoaster! I need him in my life.. please help me understand myself so I can save my very promising relationship..
I know I'm younger than you, and you seem to be genuine in your concern. But a lot of what you wrote just sounds selfish to me. You guys are obviously not self supporting yet and the dude had to move away, you're pissed cause he might not have tried hard enough to get a job and stay with you. You want him to watch a video, he's an employed student, and younger pissed cause he doesn't do what you want him to.

If you realize that the way you're behaving is bad for the relationship, stop acting like that. Vent to your girlfriends not to him. If you understand the limitations of the long distance relationship, don't you have to adjust to them?

You sound like you really care about this guy. Maybe you should find a way to occupy your time away from him so you're not freaking out about being away from him. I'm new to this serious relationship stuff, but I do know that three breakups in a year is something to be concerned about.

Don't know if I have a clue...but I'm just sayin

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Old 15-04-12, 05:11 AM   #3
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Default Re: I need help understanding myself!

I can understand why you're upset, he means a lot to you right? But you've got to see that sometimes you have to make the best of a situation that might not be ideal. The reason that you get angrier with him when it's been longer since you've seen him is because you're realising quite how much you're missing him; and you're getting angry at him when it seems as though he's not making the effort to listen to you when you barely get to speak as it is. All I can say is go easy on him, he probably feels the same as you do but by getting angry with him you're pushing him away, don't let that happen if he means as much to you as you say he does.




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Old 15-04-12, 05:52 AM   #4
 
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Default Re: I need help understanding myself!

Broke up 3 times? Lol.

Anyways, like the person above me said, you need to make the ebst out of the situation.
Stuff is how it is and you can't change that.
if you need to vent your anger, do it to your girlfriends or your parents, but not your boyfriend.
Bad things will happen if he starts thinking that you are angry at him.








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Old 15-04-12, 07:44 AM   #5
 
Name: Ash
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Default Re: I need help understanding myself!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michaelis View Post
Broke up 3 times? Lol.

Anyways, like the person above me said, you need to make the ebst out of the situation.
Stuff is how it is and you can't change that.
if you need to vent your anger, do it to your girlfriends or your parents, but not your boyfriend.
Bad things will happen if he starts thinking that you are angry at him.
I don't get how breaking up three times is funny to you. If you're trying to be condescending about it, I really don't need that right now. It's actually pretty rude, so if you could refrain from being an asshole, please do.
It's not like I'm proud we broke up. They weren't even technically break ups anyway, more of in-the-moment-rage-decisions.
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Old 15-04-12, 08:39 AM   #6
 
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Default Re: I need help understanding myself!

Quote:
Originally Posted by worried. View Post
I don't get how breaking up three times is funny to you. If you're trying to be condescending about it, I really don't need that right now. It's actually pretty rude, so if you could refrain from being an asshole, please do.
It's not like I'm proud we broke up. They weren't even technically break ups anyway, more of in-the-moment-rage-decisions.
asshole???? dnt u thnk th@x a bit rough??? not that i'm saying he'z ryt. anyway goodluck
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