Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I've been dating my guy for nearly 4 months. I know it's not a long time, and we're still in the 'honeymoon period' of the relationship.

It's got to a point where everything is in stasis. We've never said the "L" word because... well... it's too early/we don't feel that way. I feel very strongly for him, and can see myself falling for him. Only, there's a problem.

I have a feeling there's more to him than what meets the eye. It's not paranoia, it's just a gut feeling about how he answers questions. He never talks about his past, so I don't really have an idea of what he's done in life. He doesn't like talking about his past. It's understandable, because some bad things did happen to him that he did briefly mention.

At this moment in my life, I'm not doing too well financially (I'm a student). I can't afford rent, and it's as bad as me not being able to afford to eat. Which is making me ill.

When my partner was waiting for his student loan (and had nothing), I shared every last bit of food with him so he didn't go hungry too.

And now it's the other way round, he seems ignorant/doesn't care that I have nothing to eat. As my boyfriend, I thought he'd help me out and lend me money for a weekly shop. (I'm waiting for my student grant and my job to start).

One morning, when I hadn't eaten for 36 hours, I woke up to the sound of crunching. When I turned over in my 'sleep', I saw him hide a bag of food behind his couch. He didn't know I was awake, but when I'd supposedly 'gone back to sleep' he continued eating.

I'm really hurt by this. It comes from a person who would give away anything to make sure her boyfriend didn't go hungry... There's also a relationship between whether I have money for food and how often he sees me. If I have money, he wants to see me more.

I have a feeling this is all my fault.

He never opens up to me, and he just seems a little weird when it comes to money and spending time. I've tried approaching him about talking to me, but he goes quiet and skirts around the conversation.

I just don't know. :|

It's not your fault. You haven't done anything, as far as you've mentioned, to encourage/cause his behaviour. From what I can tell, there's an imbalanced amount of affection and lack of communication in the relationship. That's not good. Especially if it's to the point where he'd watch you starve. Does he ever even ask you how you are? If so, do you answer honestly? And from what I've read, he sounds like he's using you a bit. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure the relationship is healthy. :(

Do you have any family that could help you a bit financially?

There are some very obvious pointers here:

- Not saying the L word while already dating for 4 months is kind of weird.

- The guy uses you for money purposes.

-The guy doesn't love you at all. Dump him and find a new boy.

This doesn't seem like a healthy relationship. I think your instincts are probably correct.

Yeah that's how I'm feeling. He texted a male friend of ours today in my company, but kinda forgot to text me.

The food and money thing is just the icing on the cake. It does make me feel like he's ignorant to the fact I'm starving. I even desperately hinted "I'm going home to no food for the next few days I guess" after staying at his for a couple of days. He did buy me a sandwich - but I'd have given him so much more than a sandwich if he was going back to empty cupboards.

My family are struggling even more than I am. I just need to start my job and then I'll be safe to eat and get healthy again (bit ill at the moment due to stress and a reeeally bad diet)

I'm going to talk to him. I just feel as though I'll lose him for asking him to open up to me. And not saying the 'L' word within 4 months doesn't seem weird. I guess he just doesn't feel it. It feels like the relationship is frozen in place at the moment.

I just need him to... care. :/

After knowing you haven't eaten for 36 hours and by having the audacity to go behind your back and eat is completely unacceptable, even for like a stranger. You've given him loads of affection but have received very little in return. For once I don't think a stern talking to is gonna help; just leave him.

He's using you, and you need to get out. This is not going to end well for you at all if you stay, and the sooner you leave, the less invested in this you'll be which will make it easier to deal with "losing" him and moving on.

A genetically mysterious horde of specimens
sharing their empty lives with me
Grammatically inept common denominators
Destroying all of life's mystery

This.

My boyfriend doesn't eat for two days, I take him out to eat, even if I don't have that much to spare. He does the same to me. He goes days at a time not eating, and if I'm even remotely hungry he'd give me every bit of food he's got. And it's not because we're dating, it's because we care.
I don't eat, simply because I like saving money or a lot of the time I don't have any. And when I don't have money, and I need food because I won't get any until the next day, my friends force me to take money from them for food. They don't need to. Hell, some people I barely even know do that to me. It's common decency. This guy is hiding food from you? What kind of boyfriend is that? He doesn't care about you.

Talking to him won't help. If he doesn't care enough to feed you, there's no real basis for a real relationship. After 4 months, you need to care a little bit more than that. If doesn't care now, after you talk to him it's not going to change anything. He'll still be that guy who won't feed you or take care of you when you need it.

Your man seems to have either some real deep issues with himself.
Or he's a jerk.
Either way, you gotta verbalize your issues with him directly. Ask him why he acts like he doesn't give a shit about your well-being. Ask about why he he has issues with opening up.

No real man would ever hide food from his starving girlfriend. This guy has serious issues. Even if he didn't like you at all and hated you, disregard for the well-being of a fellow human being speak volumes about the problems this man (may) have. Hiding food from you is beyond cruelty.
Once again, this comes back to verbalizing your problems with him. Tell him how mean and cold that last stunt he tried to pull was, and how your gonna dump him over it (there are better men out there).

Still, I reckon he may have some deep-set issues with himself that he needs to fix. What he did is utter cruelty. I hope he gets help either way. If anything, he has some serious stuff going on with him he needs to figure out. I'm not going to tell you to dump him, but I suggest somekind of separation from a (presumably) disturbed man like him.

There ARE better men out there.

I think he is a jerk. Even if he has a tempestuous past, there's no excuse for being a jerk.

A boyfriend who doesn't take care of his gf is kinda useless.
Of course you can talk to him about this, but I don't think he's gonna change. You shouldn't even have to tell him what a boyfriend has to do.

Maybe losing you will help him to react. If not, you will lose nothing.