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Old 11-05-18, 07:40 AM   #1
 
Name: Grace
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Icon21 Well let's just say it's very complex

So here's the thing, about a year ago I noticed this really cute guy while scrolling through the snapchat story of one of my childhood friends. Obviously I inquired about his cute friend and before you know it, I slid into his friends DM's cos I had nothing to loose and I was very much single. Things were going well in the sense that A (that's what I'm gonna refer to him as) and I became pretty close friends over the span of three months. In this time I found out that he was sort of questioning his gender at the time so I kind of backed off him a bit. Eventually he came to a conclusion that he was male and with that behind us and a whole lot of anxiety (on his part cos he has really bad social anxiety) aside, we started dating in January because it turns out that he liked me as well. But ofc it's not all sunshine and rainbows because a couple of days later he just dropped this bomb on me. To put it simply he was no longer questioning his gender but instead questioning who he was as a person. As it turns out when he was a child he oppressed his desire to dress as a female due to excessive bullying and instead hid behind a fascade of a typical boy. As time went on the fascade grew to develop its own person so that now he consciously thinks as two seperate people simultaneously. The thing is female A is not always around. As he describes it, she kind of hybernates during which he's perfectly normal but when she's conscious aswell it kinda screws with him. Now add to that the fact that both female and male A are straight and stuff gets even more complex. The thing is that I was okay with this. With him being two people at once cos I loved him that much that I couldn't bear to part with him over such a reason. So despite the complications we continued to date. The thing is that two weeks ago we broke up. Not because either of us wanted to but because that's what his psychologist recommended for him to do and the additionally family pressure to figure himself out didn't help. I understand the reason and I knew full well that in order to figure himself out, there's way he could be involved with anyone at the time of his decision so I respect his choice. But the thing is I dunno what to do now. I love him and I know he loves me but the thing is I dunno how long it's gonna take him, and even if I wait there's no guarantee that we'll end up together because he could either be a she or due to the potentially massive time gap he could possibly just move on from me as well if he forgets his feelings towards me. Even after all that I dunno if things will keep getting complicated in the future. I love him to bits and would be willing to be by his side for as long as he wants me but the thing is that as a person I'm approaching my personal breaking point as well. You see I suffer from depression from time to time and have been in very destructive relationships in the past so the complexity of the person I love could very well lead to my demise. I know logically I should leave and move on in order to save myself but I really really don't want to because he genuinely means the world to me. I don't know if I should move on or stay and hope things work out but yeah, advice would be great.
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Old 11-05-18, 11:42 AM   #2
 
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Name: Liam
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Default Re: Well let's just say it's very complex

What does your psychologist say to this tesseractish relationship?
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Old 12-05-18, 02:33 AM   #3
 
Name: Grace
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Default Re: Well let's just say it's very complex

Well I don't actually have a psychologist. The depression is something I kept hidden from my family because they refused to believe I was going through it so im kinda in it alone
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Old 12-05-18, 03:02 AM   #4
 
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Default Re: Well let's just say it's very complex

Then you should somehow make it clear to your family that you have depression. And you should stick to it, unless they somehow accept it and are willing to help.

I think that in the case of your relationship with this guy/girl, you can only able to make a good decision if you are more psychologically stable or until you learned to deal with depression, to then be able to set an emitional distance to this relationship, so that your cognitive abilities are no longer be blocked.

Personally, I can hardly imagine how complicated a relationship with a gender fluid individual is, which hasn't yet learned how to handle the own time to time changing gender identity.

I can only imagine, if you become melancholy about that and it manifests as depression, you really have to think of yourself first, before you continue to deal with your friend. And if necessary, you have to make it so understandable to him or her. I'm so confused.


In any case, I would say you slightly should keep a certain distance from this relationship. At least until you can think about it almost neutrally.
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Old 15-05-18, 12:27 AM   #5
 
Name: Grace
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Default Re: Well let's just say it's very complex

Alright, thank you so much for the help. I'm still not sure if I'll ever be able to tell my parents that I have depression but I guess I'll try at somebody point. As an update thought, I haven't really been talking to the person since breaking up and I think maintaining the distance has helped me in moving on somehow. My feelings towards them have kinda subdued although, it is still is a bit hard.
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Old 15-05-18, 06:51 AM   #6
 
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Default Re: Well let's just say it's very complex

I suppose it's always hard to come up with very personal stuff.
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