[Uroborus]

Okay, so basically my entire life I've accepted I'm straight. Nothing abnormal there, but I've noticed that my sexual desires have been different from the guys I have hung out with throughout middle school and high school. For one, I didn't masturbate until I was around thirteen years old, and I didn't watch porn until fourteen. I never really desired physically having sex with a girl until fifteen, and from what I heard from guys, that desire comes much earlier.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm seventeen. I meet this awesome girl. We connected, enjoyed one another's company. We had a fun first date I can still remember (I'm eighteen). She was funny, smart, pretty, and it was the first relationship I was in where I had romantic and friendly interest, if that makes sense. We were both virgins, and after two or three months we had sex.

It was stimulating the first time. It was something I never did before, and so it was a completely new experience. Obviously, I lacked coordination, skill, and stamina (to keep fucking her, I never got off), but even after a few times when I picked up those things and could go harder, deeper, faster, and longer, I still never got off. Her reactions increased, and she seemed to enjoy it more, but I never got off.

Now something guys tell me all the time is that blowjobs are great. Nope. Not a single time. She deepthroated and everything. Nope. I didn't like it. I only really liked sex when I was making her feel good because I liked her, but other than that, what I got out of it physically was next to nothing. I thought she was beautiful and everything, but the sexual joy just wasn't there.

The only time I ever get any real amount of lust is when I'm high, but even as time goes on, that is decreasing. The last time I was high, which was two nights ago (and I was really fucking high) there was no horniness. My interest in sex is disappearing. I still masturbate, but it's not very enjoyable.

So I thought it could be three things.

1. I'm asexual.
2. I'm gay and I just don't know it.
3. I'm straight, but I've "ruined" sex for myself by watching porn.

My thoughts on each one:

1. I could explain being asexual and having sex and relationships. It could just be culturally ingrained in me that it's the right thing to do. Also, I'm a relatively lonely person, so that kind of companionship is really appealing.
2. I've thought I could be, but I just don't know. I've watched gay porn and felt nothing. No disgust, no shame, no lust. The thought of kissing a guy makes me uncomfortable.
3. This could be it, but even times I've abstained from porn for a while, I'd still come back and masturbating wouldn't really be that enjoyable. Plus, I barely watched porn while dating my ex, and even still, no joy.

I could use some help. I don't want to end up married to a girl or in a really close relationship and end up being the guy who doesn't enjoy sex. >_>

[DeepDistress]

I highly doubt your gay, unless you really do get aroused by guys? just because you cant get off anymore doesn't mean your gay. it's whether you find males attractive and appealing.

I wouldn't say your asexual though i wouldn't know too much about that, but i think to be asexual sex would have to be like, a turn off for you. or any time sexual stuff.

And I doubt it's the porn thing..


Perhaps see a doctor? Idk too much about this. If your fine like this then nothing needs to be done but if you want to enjoy sex it doesn't hurt seeking a doctor's advice.

[Scwib]

My advice: Worry less about it.

I don't get off very easily either... It's both from masturbating and how your body works. It's unfair to compare yourself to other guys, because these things vary widely among people.

If you want to finish while having sex, quit masturbating for a while. You'll know you're ready when you start having wet dreams.

Best of luck.

[Antigone]

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Desire varies. Desire depends on libido.
If the change is sudden it could very well be something different altogether.

And if you had an interest in sex at all, I wouldn't say you're Asexual. If the interest is disappearing then more than likely it's another matter altogether. Interest in sex can disappear for a number of reasons.

So basically it's probably not Asexuality, you're probably not gay, more than likely you might have a problem of some sort that's effecting your sex drive/desire.

Now, being Asexual doesn't mean you can't like sex or you can't have a sex drive. The real question is are you sexually attracted to anyone? If the answer is no then you might be Asexual, but if it's yes then you're probably not.


...So yeah, Asexuality depends on attraction. If you're attracted sexually to anyone then I would say the decreasing lack of interest is another matter. Of course it's up to you to decide if that's actually a problem or not. Some people fret over not enjoying sex and make themselves miserable and other people are content with a decreased drive and don't worry about it.

Eh, yeah, as to being Asexual it just a matter of sexual attraction. Libido just depends. I know some Asexuals with high libido, some with average, some with low, some have a non-existent libido.

My own personal opinion is that it sounds like a libido problem rather than Asexuality to me.

[Uroborus]

Thanks for the replies, guys. I'll probably bring this up with a doctor.

Originally Posted by Scwib

If you want to finish while having sex, quit masturbating for a while. You'll know you're ready when you start having wet dreams.

Here's the thing. I've never had anything close to a wet dream, even after a long time without masturbating. As I said, I barely masturbated when I was sexually active.

Originally Posted by Marionetta

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Desire varies. Desire depends on libido.
If the change is sudden it could very well be something different altogether.

And if you had an interest in sex at all, I wouldn't say you're Asexual. If the interest is disappearing then more than likely it's another matter altogether. Interest in sex can disappear for a number of reasons.

So basically it's probably not Asexuality, you're probably not gay, more than likely you might have a problem of some sort that's effecting your sex drive/desire.

Now, being Asexual doesn't mean you can't like sex or you can't have a sex drive. The real question is are you sexually attracted to anyone? If the answer is no then you might be Asexual, but if it's yes then you're probably not.


...So yeah, Asexuality depends on attraction. If you're attracted sexually to anyone then I would say the decreasing lack of interest is another matter. Of course it's up to you to decide if that's actually a problem or not. Some people fret over not enjoying sex and make themselves miserable and other people are content with a decreased drive and don't worry about it.

Eh, yeah, as to being Asexual it just a matter of sexual attraction. Libido just depends. I know some Asexuals with high libido, some with average, some with low, some have a non-existent libido.

My own personal opinion is that it sounds like a libido problem rather than Asexuality to me.

I don't know what issues in my life I can link a decreased libido to, but I'll look into it. Maybe I just naturally don't have a very high sex drive, and that makes me find sex utterly boring.

[Jems]

Maybe it wasn't the right person? Are you like not attract to any girl at all ? Or is there some girls that could possibly turn you on?

[Amnadullah]

Have you ever seen a doctor and talked to him about it? Maybe you have some medical disorder that's affecting your sexual desire?

Sometimes one feels like there is nothing wrong with them, but when they see a doctor, it turns out not.

[Uroborus]

Originally Posted by Jems

Maybe it wasn't the right person? Are you like not attract to any girl at all ? Or is there some girls that could possibly turn you on?

The girl was the best one I dated, and she intellectually stimulated me. That's like the number one trait I go for in a girl. So far no girl really turns me on. I don't know if there are potentially girls that could turn me on, though.

Originally Posted by Syrian

Have you ever seen a doctor and talked to him about it? Maybe you have some medical disorder that's affecting your sexual desire?

Sometimes one feels like there is nothing wrong with them, but when they see a doctor, it turns out not.

Not yet, but that's a good point.